my boobs have angered the mountain gods

Grace Dent reviews Aqua Nueva: 'I regretted not wearing my orienteering headtorch to assist with the menu' — The last time I set foot in the cavernous Aqua complex on Argyll Street, W1, was six years ago, when it was regularly pimped out as an event space.

Tunisia attack: Is Isis really at war with British grans on their sunloungers? — Like many British people at this present time, with regard to the events in Sousse, I am a mixture of heartbroken and fixated. As the photographs have begun to trickle out of other people's mothers - hardy, matriarchal types, murdered in swimsuits on sunloungers in the midday sun - I've succumbed to the urge to call my own mother simply to hear her voice.

Grace Dent reviews Vintage Salt: if the staff were a ship, they’d be the crew of HMS Feckless — We are barely halfway through official London summertime and already I am weary of rooftop restaurants. After my woes at Roofnic, which I documented as Central London's worst dining experience, just short of eating broiled peanuts from a stall at Marble Arch run by a man with weeping dermatitis, I was dispatched to the other side of Oxford Street to Vintage Salt on the upper deck of the department store Selfridges.

How to annoy a summer junkie - wear long trousers in 25-degree heat, and insist on eating indoors — As the days grow brighter with an increasing chance of sunny spells, I must pay tribute to a body of people who toil so hard during the summer months on all our behalves.

Grace Dent reviews Chutney Mary: just the right mix of capacious, candle-bedazzled, art-strewn and Bentley-visited — Despite Chutney Mary sounding much like the rude nickname of an amorous Branston Pickle production-line employee, it is also the appellation of one of London's most genteel and respected Indian restaurants. It will, however, always make grown people giggle.

Elite firms prefer to hire posh. Well, who wouldn’t? — The UK's elite financial services and legal firms are reportedly operating a "poshness test" that systematically locks out talented working-class people. Hooray, another stick to batter public school kids with. There are so few areas left where we have carte blanche to despise people openly that I feel poshos do us all a great service.

My new dog-nanny will have to fluff Betty the labrador's ears and tuck her into bed — With a work trip to Detroit on the near horizon, I'm currently auditioning childcare for Betty, my 18-month-old labrador. If you're the sort of person flubbering your nostrils in derision right now at the term "childcare", you'll find yourself pencilled on to the "Not Suitable for Betty Childcare" list.

Grace Dent reviews Roofnic — When a person is tired of London, they're probably not tired of life, but more likely simply to have been here from January to May when it is customary to arrive everywhere clutching a damp umbrella and wearing soggy underwear.

Kate Moss being removed from an easyJet flight presents a clash of two gloriously immovable forces — Because as all seasoned travellers are aware, the upside of easyJet and its cheap n' cheerful rivals is that they will fly you to chic and sunny climes - Faro, Montpellier, Thessaloniki and so on - for less than it might cost to board a Virgin train from Euston to Warrington Bank Quays.

Watching paint dry: Most things can be improved by throwing 10 litres of Ivory Silk emulsion at them — Like many of my columns, this one will feel like paint drying. I'm decorating the hallway - again. Most things in life can be improved by throwing 10 litres of Ivory Silk emulsion at them: death, divorce, existential dread.
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Jul 02, 2015

RT @ESgoingout: .@gracedent on Aqua Nueva: 'perfect for a Tinder date if you look very little like your pic'

Jun 30, 2015

Are Isis at war with grans on sun-loungers? by me for @indyvoices…

Jun 16, 2015

@AidanKelly4 someone once told me that all common houses smell of fabric conditioner. *shuffles awkwardly*

Jun 16, 2015

@AidanKelly4 that house needed a good blast with Mr Sheen and the net curtains all needed a boil wash.

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