Eats, writes about it. Ponces about on telly. Has big hair.

OFM awards 2014 best cheap eats: Silk Road — he family behind the winner of our Best Cheap Eats award, voted for by OFM readers, admit they had no idea whether what they wanted to do would work. After all, no one else in London was serving the punchy food of Xinjiang province in China.

OFM awards 2014 best restaurant: the Ledbury — There is a small moment towards the end of my meal at the restaurant voted the best in the country by the readers of OFM that sums up the whole experience. Darren McHugh, the restaurant manager, places a bowl containing two little orbs of sugar-dusted loveliness on the table.

OFM awards 2014 best newcomer: Gloucester Services — he winner of our Newcomer of the Year award came about, like so many of the best ideas, by chance. "We had a phone call from the Gloucestershire Gateway Trust," says Sarah Dunning. "They told us that a parcel of land had come up alongside the M5."

Beast: restaurant review — Beast, 3 Chapel Place, London W1 (020 7495 1816). Meal for two, including wine and service: £200 You could easily respond to this week's restaurant with furious, spittle- flecked rage. You could rant about the posing-pouch stupidity of the meat- hanging cabinet that greets you as the lift doors open, and the frothing tanks of monstrous live Norwegian king crabs next to it, each 4ft across.

OFM awards 2014 outstanding achievement: Shaun Hill — ome people have a talent for exuding contentment. Chef Shaun Hill is one of them. It's mid-afternoon on a Friday and he is seated in the bar area of the white-washed Walnut Tree Inn at Llanddewi Skirrid near Abergavenny, glass of red in hand.

Some dishes just aren’t made for sharing — Recently I became a national hate figure. Not since I admitted I thought negronis taste like bad dental mouthwash, have I felt so reviled. Apart from the time I rolled my eyes at nasty sour espressos. And the time I admitted to having eaten a festering sausage off one of those carts in Trafalgar Square late at night.

Tefal Cook4Me review: another gadget for the cupboard? — The road to dinner is paved with disappointing inventions. Every cook has them, the piece of kit they were convinced would revolutionise their kitchen, only for it to add to the clutter. The Tefal Cook4Me has clutter written all over it.

The Palomar: restaurant review — 34 Rupert Street, London W1 ( 020 7439 8777). Meal for two, with drinks and service £100 We expect so much of restaurants. In return for our filthy cash we expect them to send us back out the door feeling a little better than when we went in.

The unromantic truth: supermarkets aren’t dying, and that’s a good thing — For those minded to hate supermarkets and all their evil works, these have been sunlit days. With sales tanking at Sainsbury's, Morrisons and Tesco, and the latter under investigation for overstating potential profits, some commentators have found the temptation to declare the end of big food retail just too hard to resist.

Cooked: A Natural History of Transformation by Michael Pollan - review — Why cook? Why bloody bother? Anybody who already does so, which is to say who makes food from scratch - who roasts and braises, who blitzes up soups, reduces down sauces, chops and whips and kneads and the rest of it - will regard the answer as self-evident.
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Oct 22, 2014

I should point out that I said nothing today I haven't said or written elsewhere

Oct 22, 2014

@R_McCormack er no that's not what I said or what I was quoted saying. I said we should stop using the term food poverty and call it poverty

Oct 22, 2014

It seems, going by the comments, that I am HATED by the readers of the Daily Mail. I regard that as a good day at the office.

Oct 22, 2014

Here's an accurate report (from daily mail; go figure) of some of what I said to the commons select committee today.…

Oct 22, 2014

@KOM_GGRacing forgive me but I think you need a little more actual sex with humans

Oct 22, 2014

I make one bloody joke about being blown by a cow...

Oct 22, 2014

I am being offered sexual favours in return for going to industry events. Sadly it seems the sexual favours will be provided only by cattle.

Oct 22, 2014

@craftyburgers I'm in a relationship with a dexter cross already. I don't cheat. (But good luck all the same).

Oct 22, 2014

@RobHPayne it's a massive chain with a huge number of branches...

Oct 22, 2014

RT @simonwjones01: Deporting foreign criminals, #NHS clashes & @jayrayner1 on eating insects - all in #TodayinParliament @BBCRadio4 2330 to…

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