Guardian columnist

Petty, fatuous and micromanaging - it’s the government that got small

theguardian.com — Just as there has long been a useful distinction between small-c and big-c conservatism, so there should be one between small government, as in a rolling back of the state, and Small government, connoting government by people of inadequate stature.

Katie Hopkins. Louise Mensch. The greatest screen double act since De Niro and Pacino?

theguardian.com — "Now, for the first time, America's two most electrifying actors collide!" Thus spake the trailer for Michael Mann's Heat, which starred Robert De Niro and Al Pacino (the pair had never shared a scene in The Godfather Part II).

How many slave deaths for the Qatar World Cup can Fifa put up with?

theguardian.com — Clearly there must be a magic number of slave deaths in the world's richest country that would render the Qatar World Cup a moral and political no-no. But what is that number? What is the ballpark figure where deaths in the construction of ballparks become unacceptable?

'Space monkey': Hodgson apologises for Andros Townsend joke

theguardian.com — Andros Townsend has defended Roy Hodgson after the England manager was forced into making an apology over a joke he made about a space monkey and the Tottenham Hotspur winger.

Come on Labour, the people need closure. Give us that bloody Edstone

Moronic irrigation: LA’s new turf war against its sprinkler-happy celebrities

theguardian.com — Who is the most despicable aqua-villain in Los Angeles? For many years, the answer was Noah Cross, the name of the John Huston character in Chinatown, what with his iniquitous manipulation of the city's water supply and that business about Faye Dunaway's daughter also being her sister.

The Pietersen obsession: why we cannot stop talking about Kevin

theguardian.com — It is difficult to say which is more unbearable: another instalment in the Kevin Pietersen saga, or watching England play cricket. The idea that the solution to the one lies in the other is temptingly simple, it must be said.

Political zombies pick over election bones on Lawn of the Dead

theguardian.com — "Once I come off Sky News, you can all pull me apart," Ken Livingstone suggested enticingly to other broadcasters trying to get his thoughts. "Five more years of pure evil," he smiled at the lady with the powder brush.

Memories of an election: empty barns and debates that recurred like cystitis

theguardian.com — "I do not like elections," reflected Winston Churchill, "but it is in my many elections that I have learnt to know and honour the people of this island." These were the exact words running through George Osborne's head when he went to Somerset to glad-hand a vacuum cleaner (also called George).

Boris Johnson: a perplexing jungle cat who purrs at his master's voice … for now

theguardian.com — It is morning in Hendon, and someone has ordered the full Boris Johnson. "There is Alex Salmond," toots the London mayor and Conservative candidate for Uxbridge, "with his feet on the desk in Ed Miliband's office, holding his glass out for more champagne! Pink champagne, paid for by the English taxpayer!"
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May 24, 2015

RT @SRTRC_England: We are looking for a an experienced fundraiser to coordinate our UK fundraising: theredcard.org/news/news-and-…. Please retweet.

May 23, 2015

RT @MichaelPDeacon: "Do you have a copy of Fly Fishing, by JR Hartley? You do? Splendid. My name? Lanyard. Balustrade Lanyard" pic.twitter.com/yFYrA1xHUe

May 23, 2015

Never, ever compete with @MichaelPDeacon on present-giving. He will crush you. I now own a scale model of the EdStone pic.twitter.com/tEs7XzlBRY

May 23, 2015

Theresa May's plan to censor broadcasts is as fatuous as it is unprincipled gu.com/p/496dg/stw

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