Guardian columnist

Wake up, people: without Prince Andrew the UK economy would collapse — Has there ever been a deep cover like it? Has there ever, in the entire history of international relations and commerce, been a cover like that deployed by Prince Andrew? This is a man of whom the popular perception is that he couldn't actually tie his own shoelaces.

Would you buy a kid’s haircut from Kevin Pietersen? No, thought not — Hold on to your hats, because Lost in Showbiz was shocked to have wheeled its pushchair past a WORLD! EXCLUSIVE! story on a Wednesday afternoon, in the course of a trip to purchase some 9mm countersunk screws and a concealed hinge (something of a bonus retail exclusive there, truth be told).

No more t*ts in the Sun - a campaign we can all get behind — Draw near for the return of Page 3, which has reared up like Glenn Close out of the bath at the end of Fatal Attraction. Even if you had to stifle a laugh at the feature's provocative reappearance in Thursday's Sun, I beg you not to regard this as a victory against prudery.

Sepp Blatter’s limp challengers reveal him as the world’s best dictator — There's a memorable scene in Miller's Crossing, where Albert Finney's ageing Irish-American mob boss thwarts an assassination attempt by tommy-gunning his way out of his house and continuing relentlessly down the street, still in his silk dressing gown. As one of his hoods can only remark later: "The old man's still an artist with a Thompson."

Farage says UK will have to consider NHS funded by private insurance — Britain's political leaders will "have to return" to a debate about funding the NHS through an insurance-based system run by companies from the private sector, Ukip leader Nigel Farage has said.

Mr Farage, you are not the only Nigel standing in South Thanet — Standing behind the bar of the Queen Charlotte, my little Ramsgate pub, it was no surprise to hear loud cheers when I suggested that what united those present was a strong resentment of the notoriously dysfunctional Thanet district council.

How Mark Wahlberg became the cultural icon of our age — Fast-moving developments in Mark Wahlberg, now, with those who insist on separating fact from fiction advised to look away now. "Sometimes there's a man," observes the voiceover at the start of The Big Lebowski, "I won't say a hero, because what's a hero? ...

Pub Landlord v Farage: at last, a humane way to out-Ukip Ukip — I wonder when Ukip's first legal challenge to the Pub Landlord standing against Nigel Farage in South Thanet will come? After all, the anti-establishment party's reflexive rush to hardline establishment tactics when mocked is too little celebrated. Across the country, graffiti on Ukip campaign boards is repeatedly made a police matter.

Basketball star Nick Young: a player who loves shoe business — Enormous thanks to Sports Illustrated, which carries a riotous profile of Lakers star Nick Young in its current issue. Nick, otherwise known as Swaggy P, has also set up home with Iggy Azalea, and it is to this temple to Proper Celebrity Behaviour that we turn our attentions today.

A whole new Ballon d’Or game: why sports award shows deserve an encore — "I could have watched all night, I could have watched all night, and still have begged for more! I could have spread my wings, and done a thousand things, I've never done before ..." Well, you get the idea with that one.
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Jan 23, 2015

Really hope he does. "@BBCSport: Mohammad Amir could return to 1st-class cricket next month if the ICC relaxes his 5-year ban"

Jan 23, 2015

Wake up, people! Without Prince Andrew, the UK economy would simply collapse

Jan 23, 2015

In fact, if there were a quarter mast, that's where my spirits would be at.

Jan 23, 2015

The official reaction to the death of King Abdullah really has lowered my spirits to half mast.

Jan 23, 2015

RT @DavidKenner: The only two leaders I can think of whose death prompted both Hamas and Israel to issue condolences are Nelson Mandela and King Abdullah.

Jan 22, 2015

The election debates are probably going to end up having to use the Take Me Out set

Jan 22, 2015

Whichever party leader is not invited to the TV debates will put the kingdom to sleep for 100 years. As will the debates, unfortunately

Jan 22, 2015

No more "t*ts" in The Sun please - join my anti-prudery campaign today

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