Guardian columnist

Sorry, Michael Fabricant, you've just proved why MPs don't automatically become national treasures — How outraged you can get about Michael Fabricant depends entirely on the degree to which you judge the Conservative member for Lichfield to be part of what is conveniently referred to as the establishment. Fabricant looks like he should be in an establishment, certainly, which may account for the confusion.

Kanye West tells Annie Leibovitz: check out my wedding snap — Once again, the business of being Kanye West drives its sole practitioner to the point of exhaustion. If you were one of those people who assumed that Kanye and Kim Kardashian were able to relax on the honeymoon that followed their recent wedding in Florence, then prepare for disappointment.

Brian McFadden: who could hope to play him in a movie? — Put down the secateurs and pop on your readers now, as we lose ourselves in the pages of Waitrose Weekend - the magazine Rolling Stone only wishes it were. This week's standout feature is a Q&A with former Westlife singer Brian McFadden, who - for all the arguable setbacks of the past few years - does not appear to be held back by self-doubt.

Why Sepp Blatter sees Fifa, not Qatar, as the true victim of prejudice — Why have people assumed that Sepp Blatter is talking about Qatar when he accuses the British media of "racism" toward unnamed parties? I have another theory, given the persecuted tenor of the rest of the Fifa president's comments: that he has finally gone the whole hog and perceives Fifa itself to be a race.

Vodafone's law: mass surveillance = mass apathy — To care about civil liberties over the past 13 years has been to wake up next to some strange bedfellows. "Bedfellows", on reflection, doesn't really cover the brain-mashing disorientation of the experience: there have been moments it felt like opening one's eyes to find oneself halfway up Sugarloaf mountain with a couple of Mötley Crüe band members, sporting a new DO NOT RESUSCITATE tattoo and thinking: "Eh?

Gwyneth Paltrow explains why water just doesn't like bad vibes — All things must pass, and this week's outmoded celebrity shtick is walking on water. Maybe it felt significant, awesome and somehow very "now" back when Jesus did it. But in June 2014 it feels increasingly like the cold open to a Robbie Williams concert.

Meet the man with a phobia of Wags — Some timely clinical news from the Sun, which seems to be running an unofficial series on early 21st-century ailments. The other week, you may recall, the paper featured an Exeter man who claimed to have a phobia of the Kardashians - the female ones, anyway.

Richard Keys wades into World Cup 2022 furore with fawning Qatar defence — Game changing news in the Fifa corruption war, as Qatar unveils its Lord Haw-Haw. Or does it? For some time, I've been working on a theory that Richard Keys is a double agent, whose fawning posts about the Qatar powers-that-be place him so far beyond the realms of useful idiocy that the former Sky Sports presenter can only be working on behalf of those who seek fatally to undermine the emirate.

One Direction's 'joint' video gets moral majority huffing and puffing — Attention: Lost in Showbiz has a new favourite sublebrity - in fact, all right-thinking pop-pickers should place him on a pedestal without delay. His name is James McVey, he is in a boyband called the Vamps, and obviously I'd never heard of him, or them, until Wednesday.

Katie Price launches her autobiography - at Kieran Hayler's head — The interview of the week was unquestionably the Sun's chat with outgoing Mr Katie Price, Kieran Hayler, which took us into a parallel behavioural universe from the get-go. To wit: it seems that Kieran's infidelity was definitively rumbled by a lie detector - "after suspicious Katie summoned an expert from The Jeremy Kyle Show to her home".
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Sep 25, 2014

Still not the most shameless, though. Madonna once used the actual UN lawn for a 3rd world benefit /cross-promotion for a new Gucci store.

Sep 25, 2014

Have to admire Simon Fuller, who at times feels like earth's most first world citizen.

Jul 24, 2014

@audreygillan sounds heavenly. Am under heavy stick bombardment in Kensington Gardens. UN doing nothing as usual

Jul 24, 2014

@audreygillan this sounds like a road trip I wish I were on

Jul 07, 2014

@Debenhams v taken by your policy of not bothering to measure appliance dimensions right, then telling customers to return at own vast cost

Jun 21, 2014

RT @guardian: Let's not confuse Michael Fabricant with someone who really matters, says @MarinaHyde

Jun 20, 2014

@HadleyFreeman why don't you get your bucket and spade and try to trump it with a Houses of the Holy one?

Jun 20, 2014

Kanye West tells Annie Leibovitz: check out my wedding snap

Jun 20, 2014

@DPJHodges A "character" for people who don't know any real characters

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