Writer for Esquire and ESPN The Magazine; eulogist. Currently reading Silver Screen Fiend by @pattonoswalt.

Carrot Top Profile Extras

esquire.com — Yesterday we published contributing writer Chris Jones' entertaining account of his hangout in Vegas with Scott Thompson, a.k.a. the comedian doing (big) business as Carrot Top.

Carrot Top Quotes - Carrot Top Interview

esquire.com — Tonight is Wednesday night in Las Vegas, which means Scott Thompson has to become Carrot Top a little earlier than he does most nights. He has Tuesdays off, so yesterday he didn't have to be Carrot Top at all if he didn't want to be, except he left the serenity of his house to have lunch with his friend Nicolas Cage, who was wearing a white leather suit.

Randy Quaid Interview - Randy Quaid Arrest in Canada with Wife Evi - Esquire

esquire.com — The day begins for Randy and Evi Quaid inside Hearing Room 1 at the Immigration and Refugee Board. The room is windowless. There is a small clock on one wall. It's a few minutes after ten. A Canadian flag hangs in the corner, a coat of arms mounted beside it.

Flight Arrivals - Family Memories at Airport Arrival Gate - Esquire

esquire.com — These days, it's the one place at the airport where you can find what you've lost. So put on your headphones, start watching, and get to smiling again. By Chris Jones More from this author I was on a bit of a bad run a little while ago, mostly because I'd grown to hate people and airports, people in airports most of all.

James Haskell ready for poignant farewell with London Wasps

standard.co.uk — That debut came as a 17-year-old in a pre-season friendly and, although the back-row forward has played club rugby in France, Japan and New Zealand, the best and worst moments of his career have been in High Wycombe.

Wasps' Joe Launchbury set to miss rest of the year with neck injury

standard.co.uk — A neck injury ruled the England lock out of the series and it was expected he would be sidelined for six to eight weeks, making a mid-December return possible.

The Best Bar in America

esquire.com — THE BEST BAR IN AMERICA isn't Irish. It isn't in a strip mall. It isn't the sort of place that charges an outrageous cover for people to stand around in black light pushing back shooters out of test tubes. It isn't a fight club or a meat market.

Owen Farrell: I’ll only get back in the England team if I cut out errors

standard.co.uk — Although the Saracens fly-half insists confidence is not an issue, he has just two months to impress England head coach Stuart Lancaster after a tough autumn. Farrell started at No10 in the narrow defeats against New Zealand and South Africa but was replaced by George Ford for the wins over Samoa and Australia.

England v Australia: David Wilson knows Aussies will resort to tricks to avoid embarrassment

standard.co.uk — The prop will pack down at tight-head alongside hooker Dylan Hartley and loose-head Joe Marler and this triumvirate cannot take a backward step. Their mission at Twickenham is simple; dominate the opposition front row and add their names to the list of English front-row men who have seriously embarrassed the Wallaby pack.

England v Samoa: George Ford must find space if Owen Farrell double act is to shine on big stage

standard.co.uk — While the 7pm kick-off will test the transport infrastructure around Twickenham, of more importance to Stuart Lancaster is the ability of George Ford and Owen Farrell to take a partnership forged in schoolboy teams into the white-hot atmosphere of Test rugby.
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Mar 04, 2015

One of our best, @MikePaterniti, is releasing a collection of his magazine pieces. (What a lovely title and cover): amazon.com/Love-Other-Way…

Mar 03, 2015

Claps, ranked: 1. Standing ovation 2. Warm applause 3. Slow 4. Golf 5. Herpes

Mar 03, 2015

How's that for career advice? "Be the one standing there when someone important shrugs and says, Eff it, him, I guess." GENIUS.

Mar 03, 2015

The older I get, the more I realize success is convincing the right person to lose his or her mind and take an unjustified chance on you.

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