Roundup o' ridiculous

Filed under further proof that fact is stranger than fiction, today was rife with headlines you'll have trouble believing. First up, police in the central German town of Rasdorf are saying that flatulent cows started a recent fire at a dairy farm. "I can't help myself. I must now tweet about farting cows starting a fire at a dairy farm. I have no choice," confessed Vocativ's Berlin bureau chief Joel Stonington.

Here's another headline that sounds more like a SyFy movie script: Doctor fights off shark, then stitches up his own legGuardian's Jonathan Haynes elaborated further, "NZ man fends off shark with knife, stitches own wounds, then goes to pub." Telegraph's Dan Hodges summarized it even more succinctly: "Man Bites Shark. Then goes for a pint..."

Plus, this story sounds like it's the clever craftings of The Onion, but once again, it isn't: Buzzfeed reports that Clinton hasn't driven a car in years, although she used Facebook and bought something online last week. Click on that link, mostly just to see an email exchange where Clinton aide Phillippe Raines pointedly calls Buzzfeed "BuLLfeed" over and over again. As The Blaze's Becket Adams pointed out, "You know what they say: A lousy joke is funnier if you repeat it 5 times."  Kate Nocera teased, "Such fun we have at Bullfeed really."

Also, breaking news: Toronto Mayor Rob Ford showed up to a press conference wearing an American football jersey this time. Brace yourself, Denver fans: it was a jersey of the Broncos variety. "Bets on Seattle look better & better. Recall what happened to Argos v Ticats in East Final when Ford showed up," reminded David Ebner at Globe and Mail. "So relieved it wasn't Seattle's," Globe colleague Gary Mason breathed a sigh of relief. "The world is again captivated by a media & police pursuit of a slow moving white Ford Bronco," was the ingenious quip from Canada's Ziad Fazel.

Meanwhile, some actual satire from Amanda Hess at Slate, who offered us a peek at what a Sheryl Sandberg-inspired script could look like, after learning that the story rights for Sandberg's bestselling book were purchased by Sony Pictures last week. "It will be sad when we inevitably lose @amandahess to Hollywood," Benjy Sarlin reflected at MSNBC.

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