Today at the top of the hour

"At the very least they should have called it Obamnesty, not Bamnesty," reflects Farhad Manjoo of the New York Times, after seeing today's New York Post headline. "Disappointingly weak effort by the @nypost; they had weeks to prepare." Granted, everyone is scrambling for playful or clever takes on last night's presidential immigration speech (the Washington Post transcript for which got 24,707 shares and counting). We knew it was coming, of course, but we couldn't have predicted the zingers--"Pass a bill" being one. The Fix focuses on why Obama tapped into his 2008 self to sell action on immigration. "A return to 2008 sparkle," Washington Post's David Beard calls it.

Relatedly, Politico digs into how Obama got here after nine months of secret deliberation while the LA Times profiles Astrid Silva, Obama's shining example from last night and also the pen pal who inspired Sen. Harry Reid on immigration reform. Inspired by a renewed conversation on undocumented immigrants, Fusion's Felix Salmon posts the "illegal" index, explaining, "I’ve started to put together an index of which news orgs use the term 'illegal immigrant'." Click on that link and help Salmon expand the list.

The bragging rights of another plan bearing Obama's name, however, have been tarnished, now that Bloomberg News reveals Obamacare’s boasted subscriber rolls were padded considerably by including unpublicized dental plans. Health and Human Services Secretary Sylvia Burwell claims it was an error, if a big one: "The mistake we made is unacceptable. I will be communicating that clearly throughout the dept," Burwell tweets.

Another announcement coincided with Obama's last night: Michael Brown's father put out a video asking for peace, no matter the outcome of the grand jury's decision. Meanwhile, CNN reports that Ferguson officer Darren Wilson is in talks to resign. "Wilson has told associates he would resign as a way to help ease pressure and protect his fellow officers," elaborates crime and justice producer Shimon Prokupecz.

In other big news, embattled NFL player Adrian Peterson is expressing remorse, saying, "I won't ever use a switch again." But as Sports Illustrated's Peter King points out, it would have been a "good idea if you'd told NFL a week ago what you told USA Today now."

And the Uber soap opera marches on, with Johana Bhuiyan of BuzzFeed's latest disclosure that the rideshare company sought to hire an opposition researcher to "weaponize facts."  You'll love the company spokesperson's take on "weaponize," too. Colleague Evan McMorris-Santoro approvingly tweets, "@JMBooyah is America’s Uber Correspondent."

Speaking of secret plots, here's the NY Times on how eavesdropping on a Pakistani official led to the inquiry of a former U.S. diplomat.

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