Wanted: First Amendment and pandas

"If you say #KirbyDelauter's name 3x in print, he'll appear and sue you. He's basically a litigious Beetlejuice,"James Skylar Gerrond hilariously concludes, after a local official threatened to sue The Frederick News-Post for printing his name and the paper proportionally responded with an editorial invoking his name more than 30 times (28,400+ shares). "Can I buy the Frederick News-Post a round?" asks Defense One's Kevin Baron. "The old chestnut about not picking a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel? Still apparently true," Carrie Levine with the Center for Public Integrity muses. For a bonus Easter egg, don't miss the first letter of every paragraph.

Before we launch into the bad news bears portion of this newsletter, it behooves us to share with you the other item of the day keeping journalists enraptured: Bao Bao, enthralled with her first snow day! (13,000+ shares) "As I trekked through sopping #DCsnow this morning, I screamed to the heavens above WHHHYYYY. And it answered w/ this," realizes Al Jazeera America's Janet Weinstein.

Now gird your loins, because it's been a rough night. Gunmen attacked the Paris office of satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo, killing 11 people and injuring 10, and it may have been a response to a tweet about the Islamic State leader. In Texas, one victim and a gunman are dead after a shooting was reported at a VA hospital. In Colorado, an explosion yesterday outside an NAACP office building has been determined to be deliberate. And for The Daily BeastVicky Ward writes "I Tried to Warn You About Sleazy Billionaire Jeffrey Epstein in 2002," alternatively titled "How Vanity Fair's Graydon Carter buried Jeffrey Epstein rumors 13 years ago."

In politics, The New York Times is back at it again with No Justice, No Police. Harry Reid has a really awful looking black eye, but it's not from brawling with Republicans. Former Virginia governor Robert F. McDonnell was sentenced yesterday to two years in federal prison. Jeb Bush's education foundation played an unusual role in mixing politics and policy. And New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie evidentally pushed a port authority to give a contract to Jerry Jones' firm. "SURELY THIS IS JUST A COINCIDENCE," reassures phawker.

We feel bad leaving you on that note, so please enjoy a refreshing Joe Biden random compliment.

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