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I am TEGNA. All will obey or perish,” quips BuzzFeed's Evan McMorris-Santoro, who was just one of many to mock Gannett's questionable decision to change its name to TEGNA amid its print unit spinoff (2,700+ shares as of this writing). Actually, to be totally honest, McMorris-Santoro technically tweeted "TENGA," but we like to think we know what he meant. "TEGNA: new horrible name for Gannett ... not to be confused with TENGA: 'bedroom adventure gear,'" smartly notes Digiday's Brian Braiker. "DAMMIT I JUST GOT A GANNETT TATTOO," jokes USA Today's Krister Rollins. "TEGNA sounds like company that makes robot soldiers," sniffs Washington Examiner's Becket Adams. Freelance journalist Tom Petruno had even worse impression: "Hope Gannett didn't pay a lot for its new name, TEGNA. Sounds like an insurance company ... or a skin malady." But Chicago Tribune's Scott Kleinberg had the best take of all, concluding, "TEGNA is @Gannett's double rainbow. Oh God! What does this mean?!"

All right, we've had our fun. Or have we? Because some traffic delays in Scotland are being blamed on an actual sheepdog driving a tractor, which is the most glorious thing ever reported, ever (nearing 18,000 shares of delight). Ever! And what a sheepish looking sheepdog he is! "I am *gutted* not to be covering this story," understandably admits Guardian's Scotland reporter Libby Brooks. Former press photographer Mark Lewis calls it "Internet journalism nirvana - PURE GOLD." And we must agree. But that's not all the U.K. has gifted us: meet the "Milifans," British politician Ed Miliband's bizarre and small but rapidly growing fandom of teenage girls (16,000+ shares). "Can't stop reading this Buzzfeed post. Think it might be time to stage an intervention," realizes Guardian's Ellie Mae O'Hagan. Grazia's Gaby Hinsliff announces, "CANCEL GANGSTA NICK CLEGG my new favourite election story is the wholly implausible existence of #milifandom."

And now comes the part where we're supposed to apologize for being late to this but we won't because it deserves a place on the Internet forever: Taffy Brodesser-Akner's GQ profile on Don Lemon, truly the anchor America deserves (at 2,300+ shares right now, which we find criminal and firmly believe deserves to be much higher). Politico's Dylan Byers simply tweets in reflection, "Don Lemonade" ... which we feel accurately describes how Lemon continues to be popular, despite gaffes and even perhaps because of gaffes. On the other hand, the profile ends on a rather sobering note that will stick with us for some time. "Yeah, the lede anecdote is great. But read to the end. This is a really well done profile of Don Lemon," advises Washington Post's Wesley Lowery. The best part of all, however, is how many times Lemon has now shared this profile in the most DGAF manner ever, tacking on tweets like, "Haters gonna hate and ainters gonna ain't." Don Lemon, we were wrong about you. Please never change.

In Toronto LifeDesmond Cole divulges, "I've been interrogated by police more than 50 times-all because I'm black" (21,000+ well deserved shares). Corey Mintz with Toronto Star summarizes, "Everyone in Toronto is reading this @DesmondCole piece. But if just one person reads it, that should be Mayor Tory." A brave stand was also taken by New York Magazine's Jessica Roy, who takes on Jezebel's weirdly misogynistic mockery of Amy Pascal's shopping list (615+). "Bravo to @JessicaKRoy for writing about truly-awful Amy Pascal post while never linking to it," praises Atlas Obscura's Reyhan Harmanci, which inspired us to do likewise. Meanwhile, the Wall Street Journal suggests you take a deep breath if you want to try your hand at competitive vaping (6,000+). "Americans can turn ANYTHING into a competition," reacts Stephanie Freeman at ABC Action News Tampa. Also: "Ever seen a moving @WSJ hedcut?" asks Istanbul bureau chief Joe Parkinson, sharing the amazing. Speaking of smoking, the previously smoker-friendly city of New Orleans just banned the habit (3,400+). And while we're talking smoke, where there's smoke there's fire: it's finally been found out that the Flash Crash of 2010 was caused by a guy trading at home (1,600+).

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