"Now it's the pollsters' turn to resign," suggests world affairs columnist Frida Ghitis, as a New York Times headline declared the wildly inaccurate polls the "British election's other losers" (at 1,000 shares for the moment). Dan Bilefsky reports that, before the election, nearly every poll "showed the race as a near-tie that would result in a hung Parliament" but this clearly was not the case, as Prime Minister David Cameron and his Conservative Party scored an outright majority instead. "Moral of story: ignore the #polls, follow the betting markets," advises ABC's foreign editor Jon Williams. These results, of course, led to a sad domino game of resignations. "Popped away from my desk for 30 minute meeting. Came back and half of Britain's political leaders had quit," jokes The Guardian Weekly's Abby Deveney, which actually isn't that far off: so far the body count includes Ed Miliband resigning after accepting responsibility for Labour defeat, Nick Clegg resigning as Liberal Democrat leader, and Nigel Farage quitting as Ukip leader after losing his seat. Although where Farage is concerned, as Guardian's Claire Phipps points out, "Farage quits as Ukip leader but says he might stand in the leadership election. Funny old world." To add to all this embarrassment, just hours after resigning, Miliband and Clegg had to stand shoulder to shoulder with the incumbent prime minister as they observed VE Day today.
Adding to the calamity of it all, Russell Brand seems now to be attempting to distance himself from his endorsement of Miliband just days ago. "Russell Brand elected Britain's Absolute Whopper In Chief," announces Guardian's Josh Halliday. His colleague Samuel Gibbs shares an even briefer summation: "Tool!" If you're a Labour supporter in need of a laugh right now, consider the fact that the U.K. political map now looks a lot like Maggie Simpson. Then enjoy this BuzzFeed mock-up of what British headlines would look like if they expressed what Labour supporters really feel. Our favorite absolutely has to be The Independent mourning the loss of their Ed Balls jokes. "This mock-up of what the left wing press were really thinking has given me the only LOL of the day," reveals Telegraph's Alice Vincent. Not to bring you all down again, but we also recommend you read the take from Paul Mason of Channel 4 News on how Labour haven’t just failed to win. "Labour failed to produce any kind of intellectual diversity & resilience from which answers about tonight might arise," he tweets.
Soldiering on, then! NYT's Sarah Nir is back and trending in the Muck Rack newsroom again with her latest installment "Perfect Nails, Poisoned Workers," this time pulling the curtain back on the health conditions that plague manicurists everywhere. "This deserves yet another tweet: the horrifying costs of your manicure: miscarriages & breathing problems," details Julie Hyman with Bloomberg News. "The nail salon industry is starting to seem irredeemable," realizes Vox's Libby A. Nelson. At the Associated Press, Laura Wides-Munoz admits it's the "first time I'm not ashamed of biting my nails too short for manicure." Also filed under unsettling discoveries, Ebola lurked in a doctor’s eye even weeks after recovery--and also changed his eye color. "Wish I cld think of something smarter than just ew," comes the reaction from financial journalist Amy Resnick. Also, the latest jobs report is out in the U.S., and the jobless rate for African Americans has finally dropped into the single digits. "Black unemployment (finally) falls below 10%, but still twice as high as white joblessness," notices Wall Street Journal's Ben Leubsdorf. Lastly, abroad, Iran and the U.S. have just cut a deal on new diplomatic offices in Washington and Tehran.