"Mark Zuckerberg immediately disinherits his new baby," jokes Politico's Blake Hounshell, sharing a Facebook note (what else?) from Mark and Priscilla Zuckerberg that heralds the birth of their daughter Max (at roughly 2,000 shares right now) while also, yes, giving away much of what could have been her inheritance. In other words, "A letter to our daughter" includes a big, bonus announcement of another variety: "Best birth announcement ever. In this letter to his new baby, Mark Zuckerberg just pledged to give away $45b. Wow," reacts Washington Post's Ariana Eunjung Cha. "You use Facebook to share baby photos. So did the Zuckerbergs--along with $45 billion to charity," points out S. Mitra Kalita with the LA Times. "Max Zuckerberg has to be one pissed-off baby right now," concludes Jonathan Chait from New York Magazine. "The Zuckerberg letter is way funnier if you imagine it being read by an actual newborn baby," quips Vox's Dylan Matthews. Some day this will all make sense to you, Zuckerbaby.
Although now's a good time to bring out this BuzzFeed reminder that not all of Zuckerberg's donation will go to charity.
But perhaps some of those donations could go toward saving the Marshall Islands, which are disappearing into the ocean. "Indian Enviro Min. Prakash Javadekar listened to Marshall Is. pleas about country drowning and responded: 'So what?'" details Neela Banerjee with InsideClimate News. Binyamin Appelbaum at the New York Times calls it "Black comedy: Military base named for Ronald Reagan, on island threatened by global warming." Or perhaps Zuckermoney could go toward combating misinformation, which appears to have filled Robert Dear with religion and rage before his Planned Parenthood attack. "Sounds like an ISIS profile," observes Wajahat Ali from Al Jazeera America. "He looks like an aging mutant Ninja turtle," alternatively notes Newsweek's Lynnley Browning. Or, maybe little Max's lost inheritance could go toward cleaning up Rio de Janeiro's water, which is badly polluted, even far offshore. Ideally, this would need to be accomplished before the 2016 Olympics, of course. "A sailor got a flesh-eating virus after a Rio 2016 test event. Perhaps the water events could be held in Cape Cod," Toronto Star's Bruce Arthur suggests.
And then there's America's epidemic of mass shootings. In breaking news alerts, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill is warning students to shelter in place after unconfirmed reports of an armed individual.