Your final reads for Friday

"How to retain female employees in just three easy steps!" teases BBC's Jessica Lussenhop, sharing The Cut's oh-so-popular read One Weird Trick to Keep Female Employees Happy (at over 2,000 shares right now). "Great column by @annfriedman about what women want at work: encouragement, opportunities, and good pay. Like men!" points out Mashable's Heidi Moore. Or as Ann Friedman, the author herself, puts it: "How to retain female employees in just three simple steps! 1. Pay women more 2. Pay women more 3. Pay women more." "This is a real thing. New job = promotion," points out Katie Rogers at the New York Times. Unfortunately, another piece simultaneously published in the NY Times alleges that as women take over a male-dominated field, the pay drops. Steven Greenhouse there adds, "even when they do the very same jobs that men were doing." Margot Sanger-Katz reacts, "@clairecm on research that makes me wonder about the future for MDs."

Well, we hope you enjoyed that detour, because now we must turn to politics. In case you were wondering, here's how Donald Trump bent television to his will. A.k.a., "Television news staffers offer a 'No Shit, Sherlock' assessment of their role in Trump's rise," explains Vocativ's Shane Dixon Kavanaugh. At the same time, NYT's David Brooks goes full No, Not Trump, Not Ever. "Psalm 73. Drink up," encourages colleague Patrick LaForge. Meanwhile, Obama is privately telling donors that the time has come to unite behind Hillary Clinton. At The AtlanticClare Foran calls it "The strangeness of authenticity in politics." And New York Magazine's Eric Levitz insists the GOP must answer for what it did to Kansas. "Righteous fury from @EricLevitz over what movement conservatism has done to Louisiana and Kansas," Salon's Elias Isquith elaborates.

In breaking news, Salah Abdeslam, the last known surviving suspect in the Paris terror attacks, has been captured in Brussels. "Parisians are likely cheering," theorizes The Telegraph's Sherrie Marshall. Meanwhile, the outgoing assistant secretary general admits he loves the U.N., but it's failing. "A scathing indictment of the @UN from one of its highest ranking officials who resigned in frustration," Rebecca Baker with New York Law Journal bills it. And a priest who sidelines as a hedge-fund manager is said to be probed by a Wall Street cop. "Remember priest/hedge funder profiled in WSJ? @robinsonmatt found out his tips might not really be coming from God," observes Zeke Faux at Bloomberg News. Plus, the earthquake expert who made Californians smarter and safer is moving on, in which we learn what qualifies as "the Beyoncé of earthquakes." Oh! And Twitter heard you, by the way. The 140-character limit is here to stay, after all. "THE MASSES! WE HAVE BEEN HEARD!" tweet-shouts Tanya Sichynsky at the Washington Post.

And checking in on March Madness, offered an amazing answer to "How did Yale outrebound Baylor?" "I really admire this young man from Baylor for a great deadpan answer to a super dumb question," admits Jenny Rogers at Washington City Paper.

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