It's getting a tad weird in here

"What is even happening anymore," wonders Politico's Tony Romm, now that Donald Trump has accused Ted Cruz's father of helping John F. Kennedy's assassin (at 3,700+ flabbergasted shares right now). Trump's source, by the way, is that paragon of truth, the National Enquirer, who claimed they determined through photo analysis that Rafael B. Cruz once handed out leaflets alongside Lee Harvey Oswald, who shot JFK. "This is the last time I want to hear 'but the Enquirer broke the Edwards story!!!'" complains Roll Call's Alex Roarty. Along those same lines, Washington Post's Alexandra Petri concludes, "we need to publish a story in the national enquirer that explains how foreign policy works we know trump reads it."Also at Politico, Edward-Isaac Dovere takes the joke a step farther: "Hard to believe, but Rafael Cruz was also the one blowing on the flag to make it wave for the fake moon landing." Political commentator David Axelrod marvels, "On the day he's poised to deal a mortal blow to @Tedcruz, @realDonaldTrump surfaces this???" "He called Ben Carson a pathological liar, akin to a pedophile and got his endorsement. Maybe’s he’s negging Cruz," suggests Michael B. Dougherty at The Week Magazine. "The secret of Trump is that he really is the snake in his favorite fable: He just can't help his nature," NYT's Ross Douthat muses. "If this sends Trump's numbers up, time to hide in the bunker," warns J.D. Tuccille at Reason. As for Cruz's response to these allegations, it was simply this: "Yes, my dad killed JFK, he is secretly Elvis, and Jimmy Hoffa is buried in his backyard." Then Cruz returned to the business of desperately seeking to stop the Donald in Indiana.

Turning our attention to news that actually happened, a bus was hijacked in Northeast Washington for a mere three minutes, but it ended in a pedestrian being struck and killed. "DC worst nightmares," reacts Yahoo's Garance Franke-Ruta. Breaking elsewhere, the mother of Tupac and "subject of one of his most iconic songs" has died. "Afeni Shakur, mother of Tupac and former Black Panther, has passed away. She was only 69," details Jamil Smith with MTV News. "You always was a black queen, mama," recites Bloomberg's Eliza Ronalds-Hannon. Also, we've just learned that the U.S. government has been outsourcing the Gitmo trials. "Soooooo it seems like the same contractor is providing help to both sides of the 9/11 trials down at Gitmo," BuzzFeed's Hayes Brown breaks it down. Meanwhile, Edward Snowden just published his first longform essay, in which he argues whistleblowing is an act of political resistance. "New essay from @Snowden, Inside the Assassination Complex, foreword to our new book, which publishes today," explains The Intercept's Roger Hodge. Plus, they've begun resettling what some are calling the first American "climate refugees," although Erick Erickson counters, "The loss of Isle de Jean Charles has to do with coastal erosion caused by the levee system, not climate change."

And in tech, Uber apparently plans to kill surge pricing, which makes the drivers understandably worried, but the details are a little murky. "Interesting thing here is that Uber sees machine learning as substitute for demand-management through surge pricing," notices The Economist's Ryan Avent. "Ironically, I think surge pricing is one of Uber's most justifiable practices," argues BGR's Brad Reed. Simultaneously, Vanity Fair is arguing that the secret culprit in the Theranos mess is really us -- the media. Specifically, tech press. "This @nickbilton on Theranos is great. But are New Yorker, Vanity Fair, T, Forbes, Fortune & Glamour the tech press?" wonders BuzzFeed's Mat Honan. Lastly, The Guardian is hot on the trail of the wealthy tech elite partaking in Burning Man for the 1%. "'We are the ones meant to be the air, not the earth.' Wow, this is one extremely satisfying hate-read," realizes Bryan Gardiner at Wired. Actually, the journalistic reaction to most of the quotes from that piece has been almost universal disgust (for instance, Ed Bott of The Ed Bott Report says it made him vomit, while Mashable's Stephanie Buck says it made her alternate awe with vomit. We're somewhere in between). And while we're talking about journalists responding to things, The Atlantic helpfully dissected Larry Wilmore's Correspondents' Dinner jokes and what they meant.

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