The news becomes Days of Our Lives

"My billionaire is better than your billionaire," concludes Sarah Weinman with Publishers Lunch as two Silicon Valley moguls "with a history of bad blood" square off over Gawker (at only 200+ shares so far, but it just broke). The who, what and where: eBay co-founder Pierre Omidyar is calling for support of Gawker as they appeal the $140 million judgement awarded to Hulk Hogan, which you may recall was in turn supported by Peter Thiel. "MONEY FIGHT!" cheers TIME's Alex Fitzpatrick, although Bloomberg's Ellen Huet points out, Pierre Omidyar is trying to organize media groups to file amicus briefs in support of Gawker -- not backing w $$ yet." So how do we feel about this, gang? "I'm confused. Now that eBay's billionaire cofounder is backing Gawker's appeal, which way do I point my outrage?" wonders Joshua Brustein at Bloomberg Businessweek. "Oh goodie the Gawker press freedom flap is now a battle of billionaires, this sounds good for the news business," laments Mic's Joel Pavelski. "Literally none of this is good," chimes in The Verge's Kwame Opam. "We need to find a new way to say, you can’t make this stuff up," Glynnis MacNicol voices similar sentiments. But the best suggestion of all comes from Caitlin Kelly at VICE Sports: "let's just go back to duels, it's cool there's a musical about it now."

Now let us awkwardly transition to the secret life of Kim Jong Un’s aunt, who has somehow been living under all of our noses here in the U.S. since 1998. "This is the story of how Kim Jong Un’s aunt went from the top of North Korea to middle America," elaborates Newsweek's Lauren Walker. Meanwhile in U.S. politics, the Washington Post reports that Donald Trump’s campaign appears to be stumbling as it tries to go big -- a story that led to this delightful exchange: "You 2 wouldnt know how to write a good story about me if you tried—dream on,” Trump told @ashleyrparker & @maggienyt. Simultaneously, die-hard Bernie Sanders backers are looking to the FBI's possible indictment of Hillary Clinton as the answer to their prayers. "Most people struck by this part of my story. It's a feeling I came across more than once," clickbaits Yamiche Alcindor (but it is worth your click!). Relatedly, the AP offers a handy fact-check on Clinton's misstated key facts with respect to the email episode. Lastly, the Wall Street Journal chronicles Mitt Romney’s increasingly lonely challenge to Trump. Slate's Rachael Larimore reacts, "Dear @marcorubio@MittRomney can teach you a thing or two. 'If not, I will write in a name.'"

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