"Is this an actual headline? Or did someone have a stroke?" wonders The Weekly Standard's Mark Hemingway, and it doesn't take long to understand where that question came from. The headline is this: Sex pigs halt traffic after laser attack on Pokémon teens. At Deadspin, Rob Harvilla does a double-take: "who halts what after a what on whom." Actually, it's exactly what it sounds like ... well, with one exception. "I was pretty disappointed to learn the 'pigs' were not actual pigs," admits Reyhan Harmanci at Atlas Obscura (they were a couple dressed in pig masks). This raises many questions, like the one tweeted by Ars Technica's Jon Brodkin in the direction of his own publication: "who is our sex pig/Pokemon reporter?" Meredith Clark with Glamour resolves, "Keeping this Sex Pigs story open in a tab to remind myself to keep chasing my best life." And speaking of strokes, it seems like the headline may have triggered one in Washington Post's Mark Berman, who tweets on repeat, "sex pigs laser attack pokemon teens sex pigs laser attack pokemon teens sex pigs laser attack pokemon teens sex pi ..."
We don't want to spoil the fun by giving you any more details, but suffice to say, Pikachu would not be pleased.
In darker news, David Wallace-Wells recounts the terrifying JFK airport shooting that wasn’t, where it appears that applause and cheers in response to Usain Bolt’s 100-meter dash somehow sounded like gunfire, to someone, triggering total chaos: "My Sunday night was wild. I landed in the middle of a terror event. The terror was mass hysteria," writes Wallace-Wells. Reporters were stunned:
Which brings us to our next point: "How the hell did what happened in JFK airport on Sunday not get more attention?" demands Washington Examiner's Kyle Feldscher, although freelancer Matt Haber has a theory: "This 'non-shooting' is forgotten because the press onto the 'non-attack' on Incirlik Air Base Manafort told us about."
And that brings us to politics:
Today we also bow our heads in memory of John McLaughlin, "provocateur of public affairs TV," who has died at 89. "The @nbcsnl Hulu site is going to get a workout tonight as people watch 'McLaughlin Group' skits," predicts WaPo's John Taylor.