“But telling the truth makes me sound like myself, and I hate that.”

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@grouchoseyebrow — 581 followers, 1,567 tweets

You know how sometimes it’s so cold that your first instinct is to cough uncontrollably? Like sorry lungs I know but we’re doing this
Sometimes my cat purr-snores and the level of cute aggression I feel is frankly overwhelming
Finally found a Thai restaurant that delivers AND understands what “spice level 10” means it’s a Christmas miracle
A man discovers his wife is pregnant. He’s going to be a dad. “Well,” he thinks, “looks like I’d better start working on my Bob Dylan impression.” @terrancethered
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