Building Boys Bulletin

It is 100% possible to raise a great guy right now. In the world, as it is. That’s what I told Suzy Shaw, a fellow mom of boys & host of the The Mothers of Boys Survival Guide podcast, at the end of our recent podcast conversation, when she asked me to share something I think is crucial for moms of boys to know. It’s so easy to look around & be overwhelmed by the forces arrayed against us (or, at the very least, not working towards the same goals we are!).

Are your boys back in school already? Or are you still juggling school supply lists, switching up sleep routines, stressing out about how you’re going to make it all work? Back-to-school was not an eagerly anticipated time in my household when the boys were little. My youngest son, in fact, would cut up/manually shred the back-to-school ads that arrived in my our mail box.

One (BIG) reason moms of boys are so exhausted: You’re trying to solve 18,000 problems at one time. You know boys do worse in school, that they’re increasingly disciplined instead of supported, and you know that boys’ literacy, college enrollment, and workforce participation rates are declining. You know male suicide (and substance use) rates and way higher than females,’ and that boys & men tend to die sooner than girls and women.

How do we get our boys to care? About others? About the world at large? About anyone other than himself? In a world in which so many people — and especially, so many powerful men — don’t seem to care about anything outside of their own well-being? So many of us are asking ourselves that question. Our curiosity & concern is grounded in our deep desire to raise good men. But I’m starting to think we’re asking the wrong question.

Yesterday, I joined Idaho Matters host (yep, it finally happened)—and fellow boy mom—Gemma Gaudette to talk about the paperback release of Building Boysand the challenges facing boys today.

I was supposed to be on Idaho Matters, an Idaho Public Radio show, today, talking about Building Boys (which comes in in paperback on Thursday!). The host of the show, Gemma Gaudette, is also a mom of boys; we connected after we were both part of a 2019 CBSN Documentary, Raising Boys. Given all that’s happened since then, we thought it’d be a great time to reconnect & talk about raising boys. But as recently as yesterday evening, I didn’t know if the show would be a go.

“Most leaders don’t intend to micromanage. They just want to get the job done. Oftentimes, their style gets in the way of their intent…Their micromanagement screams volumes…‘you don’t really trust me.’” — Stephen M R Covey, author of The Speed of Trust: The One Thing That Changes Everything I interviewed Stephen last week for an article I’m writing for for the California Association of School Business Officials.

A recent Parents article asks, "Why Are Boys Behind in Reading? The "answer," according to the article, is largely parents: Consider early parenting activities…A 2013 research study of parenting activities in the U.S., the U.K., and Canada found that parents subconsciously spent “significantly more time” reading, learning letters, and using numbers with girls from infancy.

Parenting boys today feels a bit like a high wire act. We’re supposed to build and encourage emotional intelligence, empathy & compassion in a world that still rewards the exact opposite (at least when exhibited by men). We’re supposed to develop and nurture close, loving relationships with our boys — but if we do, those relationships viewed suspiciously. Boy moms, in particular, are accused of emotional incest. (Don’t believe me?

It’s almost Independence Day here in the United States. On July 4, we celebrate our country’s independence — which is something many countries do, but as I write that, I realize it’s also a very American thing to do. We really value independence. Almost to a fault, I’d argue (given that humans are interdependent social creatures). And yet, children and teens today have less independence and autonomy in years past.