Ride Overshare

any time you pick up a guy at the airport with no luggage, no coat, shorts and a goofy smile on his face, you’re gonna have questions. although even before we even got out of the LAX-it car convention of weary travelers, i knew his vitals. bro had just dropped off his ex gf who he was so smitten by, he took a lyft to the airport and dropped her off at security where they had one last hug and kiss but it lasted longer than the driver could stand — who then drove away.

his shirt read im not a gynecologist but i can take a look he struggled with the tesla doorhandle which everyone does. eventually he got it. college kid. 22? they all look like babies. slicked back hair, ironic white sunglasses glued to his phone, giant wireless headphones resting around neck, smiling to himself 27th street the app told me. USC? i asked, listening for confirmation. fight on he said not missing a tap on his screen. and we were off.

but theres no crying in my car also no barfing traffic is also banned fuck you, respectfully his name was john and he lived in one of the newer nice apartments in hollywood where we were headed we were in downtown and you could tell he was gonna cry so i said spit it out, youre among friends, whats the problem my friend set me up with someone she knew, he said back there looking out the window with a pout of disbelief he wore a perfectly fine blazer. shaved. cologned. was he korean? chinese?

picked her up at the hama sushi in venice. beautiful, long hair, long legs. at first i was mad at her because she was taking her sweet ass time getting into the car because she was talking with this asian dude who i guess she had been dining with. when they hugged goodbye she picked up the pace to get to the car which was appreciated we were heading to hollywood. my neck of the woods. which is why i didnt cancel and drive off. mandy? that's me! sorry to keep you, she said and hopped in.

fresh faced Asian kid with ear pods and a small day pack going from westwood to the airport. he popped in the back. was it rush hour traffic? never heard of the word. if you dont believe in traffic you wont end up in it. if you have driven to LAX on a friday afternoon either on or off the 405 several hundred times, you know it's not a big deal. sorta like the reverse gangbangs where the oiled up Black guy has to please a half dozen sassy ladies, of all shapes. how does he do it?

sometimes you just wanna drive. sometimes the pretty girl with the dirty dreams and the filthy texts that sound like whispers finds someone newer younger closer and willing to put up with her demands and the late night bleep bloop messages dry up. so you drive. you end up in west covina and then south pass, then pass, and you find yourself with two young chicanos with giant coffee containers in your back seat and if they spill they spill because who. even. cares. any more.

pretty. latina. mid twenties. echo park heading west. middle of the day. made me wait. this week was rainy, so people were finally doing something on the sunny saturday in LA and i assumed crystal was one of the many who had been cooped up in a dreary office and was finally able to be one with the sun how wrong was i.

don't hang up when i tell you they were two crypto manboys living in separate gated communities in an already exclusive part of orange county. why do the wealthy need gates in rich neighborhoods? they don't, but they do it anyways because sometimes you wanna look down on the poor and sometimes you want to look down on the almost-as-rich-as-you. brad waltzed out of his two-story mcmansion with a spiked diet coke in a red Solo cup wearing a blink-182 cap, sporting some gray in his five oclock shadow.

pretty girl invited me to thanksgiving with her pretty friends. seemed like a lot of pressure plus i dont have fancy clothes. im an uber driver with a new hole in the knee of my jeans and smoosh on my twenty-five dollar sneakers. plus what is there to say to these upwardly mobile kids who eat right and buy things and listen to unz unz unz music? worse, i assumed afterwards she'd ask them if i was right for her. of course im not. nor is she for me.

hospitals are good places to get long rides because lots of times people go there from far away for procedures and aren't allowed to drive home. sometimes the hospitals wont even let them take an uber home because they're so out of it and they make a relative or a friend get them. when the patients do get an uber or lyft, the problem here in LA is a lot of drivers' English is bad, or they don't know how to direct the woozy patient how to meet them at an easy-to-find spot.