Buzzsaw Magazine

Pop culture can be commonly understood as a set of beliefs, values, actions, objects, or goods and practices that are popular and transmitted via mass media in society. In similar terms, this means that beliefs about various topics can transcend real-life connections, geographical location, and more, which allows trends and opinions to spread quickly.

Growing up as a child of divorce, I quickly learned how people received phrases like “Sorry I can’t, I’m staying at my mom’s house tonight” or “I left my backpack at my dad’s house this morning!” The question and confirmation of “Your parents are divorced?” always arrived as a cautious follow-up.

[Editor’s Note: This edition was originally supposed to have 2 features covering events on Easter Sunday, with one reporter covering the National Hot, Divorced Dad Convention (HDDC) and the other covering an Easter Brunch held in the Bahamas with exclusive interviews from special guest stars Beyoncé, Sabrina Carpenter, Timothee Chalamet, Zoey Saldana, and Guy Fieri.

Look, it’s not my fault that Gemma is really fucking boring. She’s the kind of girl that gets excited when she eats a really good salad, someone who vlogs her Starbucks drive-through experience and posts it on Facebook for her 54 followers. She’s always been this type of person, someone who is easily upstaged without much effort. Which is why all of us were surprised when she announced that she and Josh were getting married. Josh is the opposite of boring.

When I sat down with my parents to ask them about their love story and what’s kept their marriage strong over the years, I expected to learn some cute anecdotes, maybe a few laughs. What I didn’t expect was how grounded, intentional, and enduring their relationship really is. As they spoke, I realized that their connection isn’t built on fleeting romantic highs, but on friendship, shared values, hard work, and a lot of mutual respect. Their story began when my dad moved to Millington, New Jersey.

You thought it was all over. You thought I was done? Well bitch…you thought wrong. When I entered my first buzzsaw pitch meeting, I saw it as my personal Hunger Games arena, and little did anyone know that at that time, I was a Career. I came there ready to eat, devour, and tear. I was only biding my time. I was ready to turn 19 in Poland and reheat all the nachos in the continental United States. You all underestimated me, but even less did you know I had a master plan that stretched years in advance.

I remember walking around the org fair my freshman year and passing by the Buzzsaw table. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. I thought the people looked cool, I grabbed some magazines they were handing out, admired the art, and probably felt peer pressured to follow their Instagram. I have always been a creative person, coming up with stories since I was a little kid. My first year at Ithaca, I began to dabble and feed my more creative side.

Let the record show that Brent L. Torque, age 44, father of three, possessor of one snake and zero working brake lights, earnestly believed he was winning. Not metaphorically. Brent does not “do” metaphors. Brent does hot takes about libertarian Facebook memes, cold gas station hot dogs, and the belief that any man with access to an Arby’s napkin and a Sharpie could practice law. This is a man who believes the IRS is an optional social club and that emotional growth can be measured in push-up count.

During a particularly high stakes game of Would You Rather, a girl asked the group “Would you rather have your WORST sex recorded and broadcasted OR cartwheel naked in the pub?” Without much thought, I replied, “FOR SURE cartwheel naked through the pub.” Immediately the laughter died down and an awkward aura washed over the group. I was out with my friends, all of whom were familiar with the fact that I was assaulted during my freshman year of college.

Every single day I wake up, brush the hair out of my wife’s face, kiss her forehead lovingly, and go online to be accused of being in a “romantic relationship.” I’m sorry—what? This is the problem with modern discourse. People see two women purchasing matching bathrobes, filing taxes jointly, and engaging in frequent, consensual, extremely well-communicated acts of physical intimacy, and they assume—like absolute amateurs—that there’s something romantic going on. Grow up. Use deductive reasoning.