Subject to Change Newsletter

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Citizens of all stripes have been “taking the Fifth” since 1876, when President Ulysses S. Grant cited the constitutional amendment (nobody “shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself”) in order to stonewall congressional foes who wanted to know why his New Jersey vacations were so lengthy. But my favorite Fifth fellow is clearly the comic entertainer Zero Mostel.

Here’s a question for you: If the Fraternal Order of Police were to plan a banquet, would it ever decide to invite, as its keynote speaker, someone who by definition defies law enforcement? In other words, a convicted felon. No way. And yet the collaborationist leaders of the White House Correspondents Association decided to invite, as its keynote speaker last Friday night, someone who loathes independent journalism, a pathological liar who rapes factual reality. And a convicted felon.

As I exited a convenience store the other day, in a red town in upstate New York, a tabloid newspaper headline caught my eye. It blared that “DON” (no last name needed) was threatening to slap new tariffs on Canada as punishment for its wildfire smoke. A trio of local dudes - working stiffs, judging by the tools on their belts - paused with their coffees to read the headline. They vocally guffawed. “Now he’s blaming Canada!” said one. “What a moron!” said another. That’s where we are right now.

There’s an old saying that if you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Lindsey Graham died scratching. OK, that’s too harsh. Shakespeare says it better: “The evil that men do lives after them.” I’m not celebrating Graham’s passing - I’ll leave that to the lefty ghouls on social media - but nor will I whitewash his detestable sins just because he’s gone.

America at 250 is an everyday marvel in so many ways, especially if you’re white and have a little money. We have air conditioning and antibiotics and the internet. We have abundant choices at the supermarket. We have fuel-efficient SUVs that function as rolling living rooms. We have limitless music at the flick of a finger on our cells. We have the arts in every possible iteration, and brilliant history museums that curate our warts-and-all journey.

An inevitable press briefing a few days from now: (Trump is hydraulically lowered into his seat.) “Mr. President, are you planning to drain the Reflecting Pool and start over? There are reports - ” “Quiet, Piggy! I know you’ve been down there stealing patriotic paint chips. Maybe we oughta cuff you. And gimme a smile for a change.