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Housekeeping first, and it's the fun kind: JORDAN WALKER, ladies and gentlemen. Three hits, and the one that matters, a two-run rocket to center in the fourth, his 28th, while the Cardinals hung THIRTEEN runs and five homers on Los Angeles. The +350 we told you we were tracking at bet365? Cashed. Back-to-back winning days for this MLB home run column, and another +0.88 units in the drawer.

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September, meet the tally. Suzuki didn't just cash our ticket Monday — he cashed it TWICE, taking Kyle Harrison deep in the second and going back-to-back with Bregman in the fourth while the Cubs hung a 17-3 massacre on Milwaukee with a club-record NINE home runs. Nine! Our 20-cent ticket needed exactly one; the Friendly Confines sent two out of pure generosity, then kept going until the scoreboard operator filed for overtime.

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The rookie did it AGAIN. The Wrigley wind took Stewart for a ride in the seventh — his 31st of the year, a homer in THREE straight games — and our 21-cent ticket at +351 cashed in a 7-5 Reds win. And honestly, the deeper into that game it went, the better we looked: the Cubs bullpen was a nifty matchup for Stewart in its own right, and Trent Thornton found that out the hard way. Two straight days the wind and the rookie have teamed up to pay this column.

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Sometimes you bet the hitter, sometimes you bet the SKY. And Saturday the sky came through before some of you found your seats. First inning at Wrigley, wind howling out exactly as advertised, and Bregman rode it to center field for his 20th of the year, a two-run shot off Andrew Abbott in what became a 17-5 Cubs demolition featuring SIX Chicago homers (Pete Crow-Armstrong hit three of them by himself, because of course he did).

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Every heater pays its light bill eventually. The Kalshi card went 0-for-3 Friday night, and in the most baseball way imaginable: the Braves WON 6-4 and homered, except the bomb belonged to Michael Harris II while Olson and Albies went a combined 2-for-10. Out in Anaheim, Neto drew two walks and never got a pitch worth launching while Edmundo Sosa won the game for Philly with a pinch-hit grand slam in the ninth. The barrels flew all around us, none of them ours. Fine.