Offbeat Wed

Photos by Alexis Gurr + Katrina Gurr of A+K Photography After receiving some difficult health news, Bellingham, WA couple Crystal (she/they) and Riley (they/them) decided they did NOT want to wait around for a traditional timeline.

Image from the NYTimes courtesy of illustrator Iryna Korshak The New York Times published a piece this week about intergenerational wedding conflict, specifically the friction between couples who want something personal and parents who are paying for something “timeless.” Reporter Tammy LaGorce called me because I've spent two decades watching this exact dynamic play out in real time… since Gen X were 20somethings getting married (and now we're the parents of the newlyweds!).

Cindy and Jay have been “eloping their lives” long before they officially tied the knot at Crater Lake National Park. Ten years after Jay proposed at the same spot, the couple returned to the rim to exchange vows in a private ceremony that proved good things come to those who wait, hike, and occasionally paddle a canoe.

Photos Rico Saturn Photography, with coordination by Jillian Anderson of Fantastical Adventures Angelica & Arnold’s Los Angeles wedding was a celestial celebration inspired by Mona Megistus from the video game Genshin Impact, and they blended fantasy, astrology, magic, and romance into one unforgettable day.

If your inquiry inbox has been quieter than usual, I want to start by saying something that the wedding industry's marketing industrial complex will not say to you: it's probably not your fault. I've been publishing in this industry and working with wedding vendors for almost 20 years. I've watched vendors ride the recession vibes of 2008 and 2009, and the soaring good times of the roaring early teens.

This bride is wearing a $50 thrifted wedding dress, and is the kind of customer David's Bridal blamed for its bankruptcy.

Photo by Emily Paris Photography The traditional wedding industry can feel like it was built for extroverted neurotypicals who thrive on high-decibel chaos and shouts of “let's just hop on a quick call!” For the rest of us (especially the autistic and ADHD pros who actually make the offbeat wedding magic happen) that standard operating procedure is a one-way ticket to Burnout City. In honor of World Autism Month, we’re resetting the rulebook.

We're continuing to honor World Autism Month with this post from California wedding planner and Offbeat Wed community member, Kaitlin Howell from Conjured Events. Before getting into the wedding industry, I worked for over four years at a day program catering to adults with developmental disabilities. In addition to the art and wellness programs, I planned events for the day program attendees.

The traditional wedding industry is obsessed with the show. It wants couples to perform joy, perform romance, and (most exhausting of all!) perform normalcy for eight hours straight. That performance is tiring for everyone, but for autistic folks it's often a recipe for a total sensory and emotional shutdown.

When Cali (she/her) tried to set up her colleague Cezanne (they/them) with a friend, she didn't realize she was actually doing her own romantic heavy lifting. The matchmaking attempt backfired in the most effective way possible, leading instead to a partnership that brought their Midwest family and friends together for a September creamery party.