Overstimulated (Newsletter)

Every great season needs a flyover episode, which for this group of frequent fliers came an impressively late six episodes in. Due to the transitional nature of the sixth episode and Bravo’s absolutely baffling air schedule, it felt fitting to give it the highlight treatment to make space to dive right into the seventh. So, this is what you missed last week on LONDON.

Credit: TLC/Disney/Channel 4/FX/Amazon/Overstimulated Recently, former first bad bitch Michelle Obama confessed she wasn’t brave enough to embrace the life-altering undertaking that is diving into the 90 DAY FIANCÉ universe. As not a fan, not a stan, but a citizen of said love and war zone, I admit the task isn’t for the weak. But I can also say with zero irony life would be worse without the ubiquitous name Mohamed triggering the “partner” of a woman named Danielle from Sandusky, Ohio.

There are a lot of iconic How Tos in the elite media archives, such as HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER starring Viola Davis, HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS starring McConaugHudson, and HOW TO SAVE A LIFE by The Fray, in no particular order of iconicery. After last week’s ep of RHOL, go ahead and add “How to catch a fish, give them bait,” for me before you clock out.

A couple of years ago, my two closest girlfriends from home and I started a beach tradition, as one is legally obligated to do after cresting 30. And by started, I mean we co-opted one that my friend’s mom (who’s really been like a godmom to me since the days I had a face full of braces only a mother could love) shares down the shore with her best friends.

When Panthea said “London is all about the layering,” it was the first time I agreed with the villainess of the moment without mentally adding, “but I wouldn’t say it out loud.” London is such an incredible place to spend any amount of time because it’s not only demanding of physical layers to placate the naughty shifts in weather, but also capable of producing a layered experience by simply turning a few corners or jaunting on the Tube.

I don’t know why it’s true, but it’s wig-snatching season. Maybe because the Leos have been left in charge, or three planets are currently in retrograde, or because Angela Big Ang Oakley finally released her Fangie (a handheld fan for queens pre, peri, and post menopausal) shifting the universe toward how she reads her castmates to oblivion with little notice (see: “and you have new teeth and no where to sleep, you broke bitch).

Belated correction from the editor (me): when I polled my fellow pop culture freaks for what Bravo masterpiece we should virtually feast over next, I mistakenly wrote LADIES OF LONDON instead of REAL HOUSEWIVES. In fairness, many of the members of each cast are interchangeable between shows thanks to the Hayo casting team doing their big ones when it comes to assembling divinely divided friend groups in the United Kingdom.

LOVE IS BLIND has been occupying the number one spot for most unhinged pseudo-matchmaking show since its debut. But MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT’S underdog status is certainly not for lack of trying (and more likely because of its previous home in the Lifetime/TLC family).

Pardon my repetition, but it feels so strange to admit it bears repeating: upon their closely timed announcements, I had more faith in NEXT GEN NYC than IN THE CITY. Maybe it’s because of the former’s much sexier title (it certainly wasn’t because I wanted to watch reality nepo babies live out their NYC influencer dreams, though that turned out to be quite good, too).

Another season of love, heartbreak, and horniness has unfolded in Fiji. While this season had quite the pickup following Casa, it was far from an island dream, and that can’t be entirely blamed on forcing the contestants to kiss at an unprecedentedly high pace. A wins/losses sheet for season 8, duh: Big Diva Casting: Between Trinity, Melanie, Kayda, and Killa Kenz, the female leads lived up to expectations of riding the line between close female friendship and unhinged cunt.