The Almighty Gob. The Satirical Social Philosopher.

Hidden in plane sight, as one might say. Untouched by five years of Bristol City Council "junk food ad bans" — because it was never on council-owned property to begin with. Let me ask you something before we get into this. And if you were with me yesterday, when I wrote about a city quietly being curated into shape, you’ll already have half a feel for where this one’s going.

Is it really a Liveable Neighbourhood scheme. Or. More Likely. A ‘Curated Living Scheme’? Avonvale Road, East Bristol — residents, including a mobility scooter user, face off against contractors enforcing a road closure under the East Bristol Liveable Neighbourhood scheme. Bristol City Council has a name for it: Liveable Neighbourhoods. The residents call it something I couldn’t possibly say. Anyway. East Bristol got one first — the East Bristol Liveable Neighbourhood, now heading for permanent status.

Our Common Ground goes thermoplastic. Bristol's own climate emergency committee found out the same way everyone else did. Our Common Ground, Centre Promenade — the heart design only reads as intended from directly overhead. The one pedestrian in this shot is standing in it, seeing none of it. Let’s talk about paint, shall we? So. For anyone who requires an update. It appears Bristol City Centre’s fading fountain-floor is getting a repaint.

Bed bugs. Rats. Dead birds. Poisoned water. Same city, one running order, same answer from everyone in charge. Millmead House, Middleford House, Hayleigh House — the official notice that tells residents bed bugs aren't a sign of a dirty home, then tells them not to move infested furniture through communal areas, and leaves them to work out how that's supposed to happen. Right, pull a chair up, because this one needs telling properly. Not as a list. More of a story in terms of a calendar of events.

He didn't apply. LinkedIn had no idea either. An AI-generated illustration, not a photograph — Khalil al-Hayya never set foot in the Commons. The question the piece asks is whether he needed to. Blimey. What a week, huh. Well.

Bristol City Council taxed pitches on its meanwhile sites like separate houses. The Valuation Office Agency said no — and now the council owes van dwellers a refund. One of Bristol's meanwhile sites — where every pitch got billed like it owned its own front door, until the Valuation Office Agency said otherwise. There’s a particular kind of quiet on one of Bristol’s meanwhile sites at 7am. Rent paid. Engine off. Somebody’s kettle going somewhere down the row.

Britain's new county of Gaza. Only no one informed the boundary commissioner — Church of England, Carla Denyer, Ed Miliband all filed the paperwork. With whom? The banner doing the rounds online — photographed outside Parliament, not the tapestry itself. Leeds Minster's memorial is a different piece entirely, and the actual allegation is more specific than either image suggests. Blimey. Where to begin. Well. I suppose for starters.

The Bristol trans inclusion policy row — and the EHRC law actually behind it, that somehow got lost in interpretation. Placards inside Bristol City Hall during the Full Council debate on the Bristol trans inclusion policy. Well, I never. As in. Who’d have thought it. So, it appears that the Bristol trans inclusion policy row has a familiar shape to it — people hearing what they want to hear. And reading only the parts that confirm what they already believed before they opened the document.

Carla Denyer spent months telling St Paul's shopkeepers which Israeli products to boycott. This week Israel returned the favour. I usually spend my days counting the aircraft flying over Bristol airspace in and out of the airport. Quiet work. You watch the sky long enough and you start noticing which planes never come back the way they left. However, alas, this week I’ve had to turn my hands back to writing instead.

Broadmead's bus chaos didn't happen by accident. Neither did the way finders sent to manage it. Bristol City Council crest, reworked by The Almighty Gob — "Sit Semper In Excretum Variat" replaces the official motto. Bristol City Council’s actual motto is “Virtute et Industria” — by virtue and industry. The Almighty Gob has taken the liberty of updating it. “Sit Semper In Excretum Variat.” Loosely translated: it always varies, in the shit.