Rejoice! The Philadelphia Eagles — champions of the downtrodden, slayers of dynasties, guardians of America’s first capital — have defeated Darth Vader and the Galactic Empire (sorry, I meant Tom Brady and the New England Patriots) to claim their first Lombardi trophy. It is the moment Eagles fans like myself have been dreaming about for, well, forever. “So what?” you sigh. “I can’t stand football. The rules are confusing, and the games take ages.