It’s been discovered that the oldest living creature on earth is actually gay. Jonathan, a 186-year-old giant tortoise, has finally decided to come out, ahem, of his shell. Don’t worry, there’s more puns to come. Back in the eighties, locals gifted Jonathan with what they thought was a female partner in a bid to let him live out his final years in love. However, many of them became baffled that over the course of 26 years, the smitten pair never managed to have any offspring.