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Articles by Amber Wardell
How to Repurpose and Schedule Social Media Content using Loomly
Amber Wardell, Ph.D · Follow 3 min read · -- If you’re looking for an easy way to repurpose content and schedule posts across multiple platforms, especially after the 12-hour dumpster fire that was the U.S TikTok ban, Loomly is a fantastic tool to streamline your social media strategy and keep you from getting pigeon-holed into one social media app.
The Holidays for Work-From-Home Parents: Why Setting Boundaries Matters
Amber Wardell, Ph.D · Follow 4 min read · -- The holidays are upon us, and as every work-from-home parent knows, they can be a joyous but deeply distressing time. Children are home from school for what feels like ages, seeking attention and play. And although our children don’t have school obligations, our obligations change very little. In fact, for those of us who work in industries that get busier during the holidays, our workload is even higher than usual.
Where Do We Go From Here?
Amber Wardell, Ph.D · Follow 4 min read · -- I’m just going to say upfront that this will not be a particularly persuasive or informative post. More than anything, it’s a journal entry: a public confession of my feelings about the election outcome that may or may not resonate with anyone else. If it does, great. If it doesn’t, at least I got it out. I wasn’t expecting to have so many men check on me this morning.
I Thought I Was Protecting My Peace, But I Was Just Avoiding Conflict
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Beyond Self-Care Potato Chips
Choosing Nourishing Self-Care in a Quick-Fix Culture Published by Health Communications Inc Distributed by Simon & Schuster Trade Paperback LIST PRICE $17.95 PRICE MAY VARY BY RETAILER Ships on or around October 29, 2024 About The Book From a cognitive psychologist, a trusted voice among millennial women, a call to action for readers everywhere to enter their true self-care era that will nourish and sustain them.
Okay, You Learned How to Set a Boundary. Can You Receive One?
Amber Wardell, Ph.D · Follow 4 min read · -- It’s very sexy these days to talk about setting boundaries. We love taking to social media to share the ways we’re setting those boundaries, protecting that peace, and holding firm to what we say. These are good conversations, important conversations. So many of us grew up believing that boundaries were selfish or unkind. In light of that, we need to see examples of other people setting healthy boundaries so we can learn how to do it, too.
5 Best Books to Read This Fall
Autumn is a season for self-improvement, transformation, and development. There is no more opportune moment than now to delve into these five books! Discover these motivational reads that can help you succeed in any endeavor you choose. Beyond Self-Care Potato Chips - Choosing Nourishing Self-Care in a Quick-Fix Culture From a cognitive psychologist, a trusted voice among millennial women, a call to action for readers everywhere to enter their true self-care era that will nourish and sustain them.
"Access to Me is a Gift" And Other Therapy-Speak We Use Incorrectly
The ubiquity of social media has given more people access to therapy concepts than ever before, which I think is great! Therapy isn't accessible to everyone, and the availability of mental health information online gives everyone an opportunity to work on themselves on their own. I do think, however, that some of the information that's out there on the web can be misleading at best, and harmful at worst.
Why Women Say They’d Choose the Bear: A Non-Comprehensive List
A hot debate has emerged on social media as women answer the question, “would you rather be trapped alone in the woods with a man or a bear?” Women have categorically, almost unanimously united in saying they would choose the bear. And in a not-altogether-surprising development, there are men who are furious about that, and confused as to why women would choose a deadly bear over wittle old them. So, for those men, I’ve compiled a list of reasons.
Life From the Sandwich: Millennials Are Entering the Season of Caring for Children and Aging Parents
My father was rushed to the emergency room last Friday and remained in the hospital throughout the weekend. I got a call from my mom that dad had woken up that morning unable to breathe, and in a move that was so very unlike him, he asked her to take him to urgent care. When they arrived, his blood pressure was over 200 and his blood oxygen was at a deadly 75. They rushed him immediately, via ambulance, to the emergency room.
Why Won’t My Kids Eat Their Goddamn Dinner?: An Exhausted Mom’s Manifesto
That’s it. I’ve had it. I’m clocking out for the month. Tell me why my children won’t eat their goddamn dinner? Why? It’s not that they won’t eat. They just won’t eat what I cooked. And I can’t help feeling like I created this problem. I let my kids pick what they eat for breakfast and dinner. We’re a busy family, usually grabbing our morning and afternoon meals individually when our schedules allow. So, since I’m not planning a unified meal, I’m fine with made-to-order meal requests from my kids.
A Man Used ChatGPT to Write a Nine-Paragraph Essay Mansplaining My Article To Me
I would just like to reach a point in my life where I am no longer shocked by the lengths some men will go to put women in their place. I’m getting close, but evidently, I’m not there yet. Last week, I published an article in my column on Psychology Today about the stigma around women’s aging. There was absolutely no lack of clarity about who this article was for. The name of my column is Compassionate Feminism. The title was The Paradox of Women’s Aging.
My Collected Writings on Feminism So Far
One of the scariest things I’ve done so far in my career is being vocal, from a professional standpoint, about feminism. I have no formal education on feminist theory, though I’ve done quite a bit of independent study and research on my own. I have a doctorate degree in Cognitive Psychology, which has generally served me well in learning about new topics in a deep and meaningful way, while bringing my expertise in psychology to bear on the topic. It’s been a fun and informative process.
What If I Find Out I’m Awful?: Our Fears Around Seeking Mental Health Support
For many people, seeking mental health support is a frightening thing. This can be especially true for Gen-X and Millennials like me, who came of age in a time when there was a lot of stigma around the concept of mental health. Now, even as adults, we haven’t quite shaken the things we heard our parents and peers say about what it meant to be in therapy — which were seldom positive.
Are You Being Drained By a Vulnerable Narcissist?
I recently learned the term vulnerable narcissist for people who drain you of all your energy, after spending years calling people who exhibit the same traits emotional vampires. I don’t think vulnerable narcissism is actually a diagnostic label, but it certainly does work well for us lay-people. Vulnerable narcissists, I’ve learned, are sometimes also referred to as covert narcissists.
The Perception Paradox: Men Who Hate Feminists Think Feminists Hate Men
The “feminists are man-haters” trope is getting old. For far too long, opponents of feminism have claimed that our movement is rooted in misandry—the prejudice, contempt or hatred against men. Men who have not bothered to educate themselves about what feminism stands for declare loudly and proudly that, if possible, feminist women would subjugate men, destabilize civilization, and summon forth the end of humanity. Until recently, refuting these claims has proven difficult.
The Sex Schedule Re-Examined: Where We Are Almost a Year Later
About eight months ago, I wrote an article about the sex schedule my husband and I came up with to ensure we kept our sex life regular and passionate. It was met with mixed reviews, as I anticipated. It’s tough talking about things like sex schedules because, for anyone who has been a victim of sexual coercion, a schedule can feel obligatory, oppressive, and triggering.
Planning Birthday Parties for Our Neurotypical vs. Neurodivergent Kids
Planning Birthday Parties for Our Neurotypical vs. Neurodivergent Kids One of the biggest areas of stretching and growth for my husband and I when it comes to parenting is navigating the differences between our neurotypical and neurodivergent kids. Our son is eight years old and neurodivergent; our daughter is six and neurotypical. They are both smart, capable, beautiful children with amazing gifts that surprise us every day.
Your Anger is Your Real Enemy: Cultivating Resilience in Strife
Your Anger is Your Real Enemy: Cultivating Resilience in Strife Anger is a valid emotion, one that serves a good and useful purpose. It can drive us toward overcoming obstacles, seeking justice, setting boundaries, and problem-solving. In its prosper place, with the right limits set around it, anger can even be a healthy thing. It is certainly healthier, in almost every case, to experience your anger rather than suppress it.
Embracing the New Normal: How Our Family Traditions are Changing
I’m one of the lucky ones. I know this very well. I’ve had my parents nearby my entire life. They’ve lived their lives parallel to mine — always within arms reach. Unlike my childhood, where I was separated from my extended family due to the disease of addiction and my parents’ wise choices to keep me away from it, my children get to grow up with their grandparents around. My mom and dad have been there every step of the way, loving my kids and loving me through the hard times of motherhood.
Stop F@cking Fighting!: Having Kids Back to Back Was Not My Best Move
Listen, I get it. Kids fight at every age and no matter how far apart they are in years. But honestly, would it have been better if I hadn’t given birth to them, practically one right after the other? Maybe they’re just too close in age, too similar. Perhaps they have so much in common, and are of similar emotional and intellectual maturity, that they just can’t help but constantly fight with each other? It’s like a war zone in this house some days.
Are You Being Drained By An Emotional Vampire? Here’s How to Tell
Are You Being Drained By An Emotional Vampire? Here’s How to Tell My husband and I love the show What We Do in the Shadows. One of our favorite characters is Colin Robinson — an energy vampire who feeds by draining humans of their emotional energy instead of their blood. He’s dull, dim, and has a tendency to mansplain. Within minutes of being in his presence, his prey gets sleepy, lethargic, and eventually completely drained.
How I Almost Perpetuated a Cycle by Trying to Break It
I was a tomboy — the only daughter of a very feminine woman who prayed for a little girl she could play dress-up with. I couldn’t have been farther from what she was hoping for. We still had a lovely relationship. Her desire to have a “girly girl” had nothing to do with her ability to love me, and she loved me fiercely for exactly who I was. But like us all, she was human. Prone to projecting her interests and desires onto me.
Carry Your Own Backpack: A Difficult Lesson my Elementary Schoolers Taught Me
Whether we mean for it to happen or not, the early years of parenting seem to establish a pattern that can be difficult to break. In the baby and toddler years, we get accustomed to taking care of every one of our children’s needs: feeding them, diapering them, dressing them, bringing their toys to them. We do this because our children can’t do these things themselves. I can’t speak for all parents, but I think there are many of us who struggle to break that habit. My children are six and eight.
No One Hates You For Being a Man: You Might Just Be an Asshole
I recently wrote an article for my column on Psychology today called Debunking the Myth of the Man-Hating Feminist: How Feminist Women Have Been Seriously Misunderstood. It spoke of contemporary research showing that, by and large, feminist women don’t hate men. In fact, across six studies including almost 10,000 participants, the researchers found that feminist women did not demonstrate significantly higher hostility toward men than feminist women or other men.
Katie Britt’s Phony Fundie Baby Voice: What That Whole Performance Was Supposed to Tell Us
I purposely stayed away from Katie Britt’s response to the State of the Union address for days. I’ve got a lot of cool shit happening in my life right now. I just don’t need another Conservative Darling with a blow out interrupting my peace to tell me how lost our nation is. But last night, I made time. And all I could think was, what a fucking shit show. Listen, my problem isn’t with Katie Britt.
You’ll Never Please Them All: An Open Letter to People Pleasers
I might ruffle a few feathers with this one, and I’m going into it with that understanding. I’m going to tell you some of the things I’ve been criticized for in the last few years since living my life publicly on social media. I’m not sharing these things to invalidate any of the criticisms people have had of me. I’m sharing because I want to demonstrate how perfectly impossible it is to make everyone happy in a world full of people with their own values and opinions.
Finally, My Turn: Exiting the “Little Kid” Years of Parenting and Finding Myself Again
The first five years of my parenting journey were incredibly difficult. I had two children back to back, which is something I have never, and will never, regret. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sometimes make things harder than strictly necessary. My husband and I had many troubles that affected our parenting. He was struggling through a chronic illness that left him partially disabled, and his disability led to a dark depression.
Is She a Gold Digger, or is She Playing the Hand Patriarchy Dealt Her?
Men: I’m going to ask you to read with an open mind and trust the process. And as a matter of good faith, let me start by saying that I believe gold-digging does exist. I believe that anyone of any gender can use sex, romance, or even platonic attention to coerce emotionally vulnerable people for personal gain. And for reasons that will become clear in this blog, I do acknowledge that it is often men who are the victims of this. If such a thing has happened to you, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.
I “Graduated” Therapy: Now What?
Let me start by saying that I don’t like the term “graduated therapy.” Graduating connotes many things that I find antithetical to the therapeutic process. It suggests that there is some easily defined list of boxes to tick off, that there is a clear goal you’re working toward, and that the process can be wrapped up with a nice little bow when that goal is met. Anyone who has invested in therapy knows that it’s not like that.
Social Media Gives and Takes in Equal Measure: Why Our Mental Health is in the Shitter
I’ve used social media to build my business and personal brand for almost a decade. And even though it has proved very effective at not only building brand awareness but also converting sales, it has also taken a lot from me. Most notably, my mental health and self-image. I can be found on almost every prominent social media platform there is. Although I certainly devote more time to some platforms than others, I try my best to maintain some presence, however small, on them all.
Dear Men: Please Talk to Other Men About Soft Misogyny
It warms my heart when I see male allies doing the work of educating other men about sexism, misogyny, and the ills of patriarchy. You guys are doing so great, and in case no one has told you lately, we really do appreciate your work. I have a request, though: could you please include soft misogyny (also known as benevolent sexism) in your curriculum? Soft misogyny refers to sexist attitudes and behaviors toward women that are disguised as protection, care, or admiration.
Women’s Complicated Relationship With Self-Care Versus Other-Care
I am really loving the heavy focus we are putting on self-care these days. Particularly when it comes to women. For too long, society has told us that it is our job — in fact, it is the very essence of our nature — to care for everyone but ourselves. That training has done significant damage to our ability to think of, and care for, ourselves. So deeply do I care about this issue that I’ve written a book about it, which is scheduled to be released later this year.
“Sister Wives” Without Kody?: Feminist Thoughts on a Rumor I Heard
Listen, I’m not proud to admit that I’ve been sucked into the Sister Wives fandom. I began watching the show a few years ago during COVID-19 lockdowns, and stuck around to see if Kody Brown ever succeeded in destroying his family. I guess you could say that now I’m just dedicated to seeing it through. I heard in the online gossip channels that the producers of the show are, allegedly, thinking of ways to phase Kody off the show.
Words Matter: Why I’ve Stopped Saying my ADHD Son has “Behavior Issues”
I really love that many social media platforms have a “Memories” or “On this Day” feature that shows you what you posted on this day in years past. Often, seeing those old posts serves as a nostalgic walk down memory lane: seeing my children when they were smaller, recounting things I was working on in therapy, seeing what mattered to me when I was a few years younger and less experienced. But occasionally, my old posts make me cringe.
Let’s Normalize Normal Things, Please
I am, once again, downsizing my business. The first downsize happened at the end of 2021, and that one was entirely against my will. I owned an online baby boutique that sold not only the country’s top brands in the baby market, but was also the exclusive home of my line of luxury diaper bags and handbags called LYMIA BRAND. My business boomed during COVID-19.
Rethinking our “Unrestricted Tablet Time” Policy
I am fully prepared for parents on all sides of the tablet argument to dislike what I’m about to say. But since I think there are other parents who are probably in the same boat as we are when it comes to our kids’ electronics, I think it’s important to share. My children are five and seven. They received tablets when they were three and five. We started them with Amazon Fire tablets, and when they got older, we upgraded them to iPads. They were always very responsible with their tablet time.
Am I Shouting Into the Void? How I Built My Expansive Social Media Following
When I began using social media as a tool for personal branding and business growth in 2016, I had absolutely no experience with social media marketing. The only people who followed me on Facebook and Instagram were friends and family. I never joined Twitter. YouTube was a platform I only used for absorbing content, not creating it. At the time, TikTok didn’t exist yet (or maybe it did, and I just wasn’t aware of it).
My Top-Rated Novel for Each Month of 2023
I read 47 novels this year. That’s three shy of my goal of 50, but I’m enormously proud of myself for getting that many read! Also, this year I wrote my own non-fiction book, signed with an agent, and secured a book deal with a publisher. It’s been a truly wonderful year of reading and writing for me — one I will never forget. As we head into 2024, I want to share with you my top-rated book for each month of 2023. All of these received 5-star ratings from me.
Disciplining My Children Is So Much Harder Than I Thought it Would Be
I remember getting so angry, as a new mom, when moms of older children would say, “just wait until they’re bigger. It’s so much harder than when they’re little.” It always felt like a thinly veiled way to tell me that the hardships of taking care of newborns and babies didn’t matter, or worse, weren’t even real. They said things like little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems, as though my little kid problems didn’t feel incredibly big to me.
I “Took it Easy” this Christmas, and I’m Still Exhausted
I vowed that this would be the year I didn’t overwhelm myself with making holiday magic for my family. Every year since becoming a mom, Christmas has become progressively more involved. More presents to assemble, more dishes to prepare, more guests to host. I love this time of year because I genuinely feel that I shine. Holidays play to my strengths. I am a rockstar when I can perform in short, concentrated bursts.
The Difficult Work of Compassionate Feminism
I can’t possibly be the first person to coin the term “compassionate feminism.” I’ve found a few articles out there in the blogosphere about it, most of them having to do with including women with traditional views and values in our conversations about feminism. What I haven’t seen is much discourse about compassionate feminism as it pertains to how we, as feminists, relate to men.
The Value of Our Child-Free Friends
Recently, I was troubled by a post I saw on social media from a mom who was fed up with women who aren’t mothers giving her parenting advice. She said, “when you are not a parent yourself and are giving parenting advice, what goes through your head? I mean, I know you mean well, but how would you know?” Her post was not particularly well-received.
Can We Talk Now About Plagiarism on Social Media? Because it’s a Problem.
I have been an online content creator for going on ten years. I began using social media regularly when I started my business back in 2016. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube became incredible places to promote and bring awareness to the business, and to connect with potential customers. When the pandemic first landed stateside, I began using social media as a way to combat the boredom and the looming fear that the lockdowns brought.
Co-Regulating with my Children: Staying Calm and Connected When I’d Rather Melt Down
This morning was a little chaotic in my house. My daughter, age five, woke up in a really emotional mood. She was grouchy about everything, falling apart at the slightest inconvenience or thing going wrong. It was evident that there was something deeper going on — that the thing she was upset about was just the physical manifestation of something much deeper and unseen, which she just couldn’t quite access. By 10:00am, I was already at the end of my rope.
I Know You Can Do More, But Not Today
Do you ever hear something in a certain context that should apply only to that context, but instead it completely revolutionizes the way you think about your entire life? That happened to me this weekend. I'd had a really heavy lifting week and my muscles were fried. I decided to take a Low Impact ride on my Peloton as a way to work up a sweat without putting too much strain on my body.
What Not To Do During Your Marriage Separation (If You Want to Reconcile)
My marriage separation was a bewildering time for me and for my husband. We didn't know what we wanted out of the separation; we just knew that we needed to time to heal, and we needed to be apart to do that. Like my therapist said at the time, a wound can't scab over if someone keeps picking it off. We made some mistakes in our separation, things that I really wish we could take back. Impossibly, despite our mistakes, we found our way back to each other, and our marriage is better than ever.
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