Is this you? As a journalist, you can create a free Muck Rack account to customize your profile, list your contact preferences, and upload a portfolio of your best work.
Claim your profile
Articles by Ask Shaunti
5 Quick Steps To Calm A Stressed-Out Child (Part 1)
As parents we’ve all been there. Our child melts down in Target and we’re just trying to calm the hysterics, pay for our cosmetics and ibuprofen (it’s no wonder we need the latter), and make it out alive. Or our tween’s big worries and big feelings come at bedtime—the night before our big presentation at work. And we have to somehow help them settle without our stress going through the roof, right?
How To Deal With Difficult People (part 1)
By Shaunti Feldhahn and Laurie Davies This week’s blog is jointly written by both me and my lead editor, Laurie Davies. She is one of the kindest people I know, even when—especially when—it is challenging. So, I wanted to include her insight this week on how to deal with difficult people. It’s easy to go dancing through the daisies with nice people. We like those who are enjoyable, agreeable, and pleasant.
Perfect Practice Makes Perfect (Part 2)
Last week I told you that hard work doesn’t always bring the win. It’s not practice in and of itself that makes perfect—it’s practicing the right things. You could call it … perfect practice. Gratitude is one of those things that is worth every ounce of practice we can devote to it. Why? It’s one of the eight core elements for a life of joy, which we identified in my recently re-released faux leather soft cover book Find Joy.
Perfect Practice Makes Perfect (Part 1)
You know those big conventions that have workshops, exhibit booths, and lots of chaos? This may sound funny, but I love speaking at conventions like that. One main reason is that I know it will come with the opportunity to hang out with and learn from the other speakers. But some time ago, it was the assistant of a Christian speaker who absolutely captivated my attention with a remarkable story.
With Money, The Three Gs Matter (part 2)
In my last post, I unpacked discontentment and how damaging it is to us and those around us. This is especially true of our kids! When we model an if/then approach to money (you know: If I have this, then I’ll be happy), we are also—intentionally or not—are laying a foundation for our kids’ future views. Instead, we have an opportunity to send our kids into adulthood with a firm handle on the Three G’s: Gratitude, Generosity, and Grace.
With Money - The Three Gs Matter
I live in an older house with a non-refurbished kitchen. So if you and I ever got the chance to share a cup of coffee at my kitchen table, let’s just say you’d have to be okay with kitchen cabinets that have a certain 1981 flair. Oh, and cereal boxes that are stacked on top of our refrigerator because we have no pantry. In fact, for years, I groaned about that, saying (or thinking) things like, “It would be so nice to have a pantry. If we had storage space, then I’d be happy.” Did you catch it?
Why Can’t My Husband Seem To Take Criticism Part 2
When it comes to how our men handle criticism and conflict, two big misunderstandings are often in play. Misunderstanding #1: Men are prideful and have a big ego, so they can’t stand to be questioned Misunderstanding #2: Men avoid issues by checking out Before you read any further, you’ll want to backtrack to my last post to see what drives these two really sensitive areas.
Why Can’t My Husband Seem To Take Criticism
Why does my husband seem so ‘fragile’?” The words hung there on the jumbo screens during a live, interactive segment of a marriage conference I led with Jeff last year.
From Struggle To Strength: A Marriage Transformation Story
If your marriage is in a season of difficulty, you will not want to miss the incredible reconciliation story of our guests this week on the podcast. In Episode 2 of I Wish You Could Hear This, our dear friends Scott and Sherry Jennings share their profound journey through control issues, addiction, and infidelity to divorce … and finally to remarriage. Listen in to discover the really doable, simple building blocks they built their second marriage on.
Why Doesn’t My Wife Feel Secure?
Today’s blog is for the guys, and trust me you’ll thank me for years to come. I’m going to help you decode your wife’s most baffling behavior. Have you ever wondered why your wife: Asks “Do you love me?” even though you just told her this morning? Takes your need for space as a signal that you’re trying to get away from her? Wants to talk about your relationship … mostly at the times you least want to? Here’s what running underneath.
Welcome To Our Podcast - And Our Crazy, Unscripted Story!
Jeff and I should never have met at Harvard in fall of 1992. We were in different years of our programs, different schools—and at the one meeting where we might have had a chance at meeting each other, he left early and I arrived late. And that was that. But God. I literally bumped into Jeff later that night. Later, I *might* have joined an acapella singing group because he was in it.
Lessons From The LA Fires On Persevering Through Pain
Like many of you, I have loved ones who are deeply impacted by the Los Angeles fires and the ongoing aftermath. Some close friends live just blocks from the Eaton Fire flashpoint and 90% of their Altadena neighborhood is gone. As of this writing, their house is still there … and so they and their kids are still there, with no water or electrical service, trying to protect their home from constant wind-borne embers, flaring hot spots, and roving looters. This picture is from their back windows.
I Wish You Could Hear This
I’ve been keeping a secret from you. If you caught last week’s blog (the top 10 most popular blog posts from 2024) you saw that I teased a big announcement at the end of the blog. It’s been in the works for a little while and it’s been a dream for Jeff and me for even longer.
Top 10 Blog Posts From 2024
Marriage, contentment, and … unicorn whales? Those were the top blog topics of 2024. I’ll explain! As many of you know, each year we unveil our annual roundup of the top 10 blog posts from the previous year. (If you’re already frustrated at not being able to keep your New Year’s resolution, read #5. I think you’ll be encouraged.) Think of this top 10 list as your cheat sheet of lessons from 2024—a collection of the topics and stories that resonated most with our readers.
The 12 Days Of Christmas Break: Connect With Your Kids
Technically, the 12 Days of Christmas don’t start until Christmas Day. But for parents about to embark on the no-school, altered-schedule, too-much-travel, lots-of-sugar season (a.k.a. Christmas break), the holidays are coming in hot. This year, let’s aim higher than barely scratching through the season with our sanity intact. Let’s purposefully use this time to create connection with our kids.
Try A New Spin On Thankfulness This Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is in two days. This sent a jolt of panic just now through those of you hosting family gatherings! Will there be sufficient room in the oven? Did I buy enough potatoes? Will everyone get along? Others are reading these words in a busy airport, navigating stress and crowds in order to spend the holiday with loved ones. Still others felt warm inside just now because Thanksgiving—and the moment it provides to pause and thank God for all He has done—is your very favorite holiday.
5 Powerful Ways To Stop Arguments Before They Start
Remember the “Wear this, not that” memes that made the rounds years ago? I’m taking a page from that playbook to look at five ways to stop arguments before they start—phrases we can use to work with, rather than against, our spouse when conflicts arise. I’d recommend you literally stash these as a cheat sheet in your purse, wallet, or some easy-to-grab location, and then use them liberally in the heat of the moment.
3 Steps To Take When The Wife Earns More
Sam and Rachel, a couple we interviewed in our research, were navigating an income pattern that is increasingly common today: she earned far more than he did. When the kids came along, it made much more financial sense for her to remain the primary breadwinner and for him to work part-time and spend more time with the kids. Yet there were some tensions that came along with this reality. And they aren’t alone.
Encouraging Secret That Will Transform Your Election Season
Well, not surprisingly, there are intense feelings about the election. As was true in last week’s Part 1 of this two-part series, I am not going to tackle politics. We have enough of that whenever we look at the media or listen to our contrarian family member. What I am going to do is remind us of the truth we demonstrated in Part 1: Despite what it looks like, we’re not as divided as we think. It’s not even close.
This Encouraging Secret Will Transform Your Election Season
We are days from an election. Red vs. blue. Talking heads are digging in their heels on extreme positions. Political texts seem to arrive every five minutes (I live in the battleground state of Georgia, but I know it’s everywhere). And of course, there are very real and legitimate concerns. But the concerns I have are of a different nature: How do we walk through this ongoing season well?
Breast Cancer Awareness Month: My Mom’s Story
By Charlyn Elliott For Breast Cancer Awareness month, I’m thrilled to introduce you to someone who puts the “special” into her title of special projects director on my staff. Charlyn Elliott is my secret weapon, my dear friend, and this week, she shares a personal breast cancer story that I know will encourage your heart. It’s been 36 years and a lifetime ago. October has long been a bittersweet month for me.
For Men Only: An Insider Tip That Could Change Your Marriage
Guys, I’m going to let you in on a secret today that could change your marriage. It’s easier to show than tell, so watch these two short sports videos first. A while back, I came across this Instagram reel that captures former Detroit Lions quarterback David Blough (now an NFL assistant coach) watching his wife Melissa Gonzalez race in an Olympic preliminary qualifier.
5 Truths Your Pastor Wishes You Knew
In honor of Pastor Appreciation Sunday this weekend, I’d like to give a shout out to the creative, hard-working, servant-hearted pastors out there. Jeff and I speak in churches all over the country, and have met more of you than we could ever count. Of course, we all can—and should—celebrate our pastors more than one day a year, and I want to shed light on practical ways we can do just that.
What Parents Need To Know About College Kids Mental Health 2
This is part 2 of a two-part series on the mental wellbeing of college students. Last week my Executive Assistant, Amy Masaschi, wrote about her son’s anxiety and depression at the start of his college career. This week, I’ll offer several steps to help parents navigate the college years in a supportive way. College students need support for their mental health—and a growing body of research bears this out.
What Parents Need To Know About College Kids & Mental Health
I am delighted this week to introduce you to my Executive Assistant Amy Masaschi, who has written a courageous piece about navigating her college freshman’s anxiety and depression last year. I’ll follow up next week with statistics every college parent needs to know – plus steps to take if your college student is slipping into an uncharacteristic depression or anxiety. By Amy Masaschi My son’s path to college was every bit as exciting as I had hoped it would be.
“Election Edition” Of The 30-Day Kindness Challenge
Whether you are a politics junkie (guilty!), or someone who wishes you could avoid this election season entirely, I think we can all agree that it’s time for a kindness reset in our country. If you are weary from political hostility and want to “do something” to change the tone, our ministry has developed a tool that can help you actively be part of the solution. The need—and a solution Our politically toxic culture needs a dose of kindness.
For Women Only Turns Twenty! My Thoughts - And Yours.
For Women Only has a big birthday this month, and it feels like a good moment to look back and reflect on all that God has done. I’ll be honest, never in my wildest dreams did I think this book would succeed like it did—and help marriages succeed like they did. Twenty years and 1.7 million copies in 26 languages later, I can say this with certainty: For Women Only tapped raw nerves and real needs in ways that have helped two generations of women discover the inner lives of their men.
5 Tips For Making New Friends
Show of hands, where are the Friends or Seinfeld junkies? You know every re-run. You can quote all the best lines. (“Pivot!”) But do you know what made those shows work? Of course, there was brilliant writing and comedic timing. And the characters helped us recognize our own personality traits and mental health struggles in a non-threatening way.
6 Tips To Trade Helplessness For Healthy Control (Part 4)
This is the final part of a four-part series on how to root out the pattern called “learned helplessness” from our life and relationships. In part 1 and part 2, we explored what learned helplessness is, and what it might look like in our lives. In part 3, we shared the first two (of six) steps for ridding it from our lives. This week, we cover the last four steps.
6 Tips To Trade Helplessness For Healthy Control (Part 3)
This is part 3 of a four-part series on how to root out the pattern called “learned helplessness” from our life and relationships. In Part 1 we explored what learned helplessness is, and in Part 2 we used a marriage example to examine what it might look like in our lives. This week and next, we share the six steps to kicking it to the curb in any part of life. If you missed part 1 and part 2 of this series, you’re going to want to tap the brakes on this part 3, and read those two first.
6 Tips To Trade Helplessness For Healthy Control (Part 2)
This is part 2 of a four-part series on how to root out a sneaky pattern called “learned helplessness” from our life and relationships. In , we described what this dynamic is and is not. In this part 2, we will look at how it tends to work in real life. In parts 3 and 4, we will offer practical steps to address it, and build a sense of resilience instead.
Closing Our Money “Worry Windows”
Imagine the human mind as a computer screen, with each thought, feeling, or worry as one open window. Now imagine you have a dozen windows open – many thoughts or concerns bouncing around in your mind. You probably want to close a few! But how? In our book, Thriving in Love and Money, Jeff and I share that there are often differences between men and women in how we close open windows – and how quickly.
10 Things I Would Do Over As A Stepmom
Readers frequently write in to request help and tips for stepfamilies, and so I am honored to bring you a guest blog this week from author and speaker Debbie Alsdorf. Author of Beyond the Brady Bunch, Debbie carefully and honestly leads us into this topic — and I hope the lessons she learned will benefit you (or help you see friends or family in a fresh light). By Debbie Alsdorf As little kids, I don’t suppose any of us dreamed about growing up one day to be a … stepparent.
Lessons On Perspective In The Dominican Republic
Last month, my staff director Eileen Kirkland and I went on a five-day ministry trip to the Dominican Republic, visiting a series of areas where Compassion International works. I regularly speak and share about Compassion, but had not previously had a chance to see their on-the-ground work in person. Plus, I have two sponsored children with Compassion (and Eileen actually sponsors a boy she met on the trip!) so I was eager to get a sense for the kids’ day-to-day experience as part of the program.
Back-To-School Prep - Add Kindness To The List
I’m honored to bring you a guest blog this week from children’s author (and my former senior editor) Katie Kenny Phillips. Katie is “a writer for kids (and their grown-ups!)” and I invited her this week to write a guest blog that my readers have asked for – principles from The Kindness Challenge adapted for kids. Enjoy! (And after reading today’s blog, I know you’ll want to check out Katie’s books here!) By Katie Kenny Phillips Summer is about to end for many of us.
When Life (and Relationships) Aren’t What You Hoped (Part 3)
This is Part 3 of a three-part series on what to do when life or relationships aren’t what you wanted them to be. In part 1 and part 2 we outlined three important steps that can help us move from frustration and anguish to acceptance and appreciation. This week, we’ll apply those steps specifically to relationships.
When Life (and Relationships) Aren’t What You Hoped (Part 2)
This is the second part of a three-part series on what to do when life or relationships aren’t what you wanted them to be. In last week’s part 1 we started with a challenging but important first step. Today, we explore two more. I’ve always wished I could draw, paint and do graphic design. I write books and I used to perform in musical theatre so I am not completely bereft of right-brain endeavors! But the drawing and design gene absolutely is not in my DNA.
When Life (and Relationships) Aren’t What You Hoped (Part 1)
This is the first part of a three-part series. In this part 1 we’ll tackle one major step to take when something in our life hasn’t turned out the way we wanted it to. In Part 2 we will explore two more steps that build on this one. And in Part 3, we’ll see how it all applies to life and relationships. I couldn’t help but overhear. As I was searching the Target aisle for a headache medicine, a woman in the next aisle sounded like she could use it.
6 Steps To Change Your Marriage For The Better (Part 2)
This week is the second installment of a two-part series in conjunction with the launch of season 4 of our Family Life podcast, Married With Benefits! Brian Goins and I have based this season on my Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages findings. In part 1, we looked at three steps to begin change in your marriage. In this part 2, we’ll tackle three steps to build the habit that all happy marriages have.
6 Steps To Change Your Marriage For The Better (Part 1)
I’m excited to bring you part 1 of a two-part marriage series, in tandem with the launch of the next season of my podcast with Family Life. Season 4 of the Married with Benefits, with me and Brian Goins, is based on my findings from The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages. Each episode tackles a different secret – and there’s even a bonus one that didn’t make it into the book! We’ve all been there. Something in our marriage needs attention, and we want to do something about it. But … what?
How To Find True Rest - Even In Our Busy Lives
True rest. Our bodies long for it. Our souls need it. And yet whether we’re senior executives or stay-at-home moms, we all know the feeling of bouncing around in our own lives like we’re pinballs in a pinball machine. I know I do. Ziinng! Time to hustle the kids out the door. Zoiinnng! I’m running late for my meeting and traffic is horrible! Zaaapp! My daughter is sick and my project isn’t working out right.
How To Stop Being A Snowplow Parent - Part 2
This is Part 2 of a two-part series for parents who are tempted to do too much for our kids. (Guilty!!) Part 1 covered the importance of recognizing our teens’ desire for freedom and letting them make mistakes. This Part 2 tackles “but what if____” sorts of questions and how to handle the mistakes! When my friend Lisa Rice and I were doing the research with 3,000 teens for our book For Parents Only and several others, my children were pretty young – but she had four teenagers in her house.
How To Stop Being A Snowplow Parent - Part 1
This is Part 1 of a two-part series for those of us parents who just love to help our kids – but maybe just a bit too much. When our kids were young, Jeff and I took them to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. One of Jeff’s friends has a cabin in the UP, and we drove through a massive snowstorm to get there. Once it cleared, we had so much fun taking our kids snowmobiling.
A Mother’s Day Message Of Hope
With Mother’s Day coming up, and with my own sweet mom navigating a recent health scare, I’m especially reminded this year that having the love and support of a mom is a big deal – no matter how old we are. When I was growing up, I watched how my mom dealt with difficulties and challenges (a tragic family death, founding and running a busy non-profit, a brain seizure condition that mimicked depression, and so on), and how hard she tried to cultivate a sense of peace in the storms.
When You Hear Something That Rocks Your World
There’s lots to freak out about right now isn’t there? From our kids’ choices and business pressures to policy issues we are passionate about, there’s always something. And those “somethings” are often very real concerns. Yet the bigger concern is one we often don’t see: Are we making things worse, in our mind and heart, by losing perspective? In other words: Are we making things worse by freaking out?
A Personal Update - Gratitude Edition
Multiple times recently, some of you have made me cry – in a really good way. I realize I need to pause my pattern of equipping you with blogs for one week, and acknowledge how you also equip me! So, this week, I want to thank you and share a personal update. Probably five or six times in the last two months I’ve been at events, business meetings, or on a research trip, and have run across blog readers I have never met before, but who said something like this: “How are you doing?
Why Is It So Hard To Talk About Sex?
Let’s be honest: Conversations (or blogs!) about sex can seem embarrassing or vulnerable. And yet, for married couples, our research has found that talking about sex clearly matters. In fact, in the largest nationally representative study ever conducted with married couples about sex – which grew into a book I coauthored with Dr. Michael Sytsma called Secrets of Sex & Marriage – we found that a full 73% of couples don’t talk about sex well, Mostly because it’s too awkward or difficult.
How To Handle Unmet Money Expectations (Part 2)
This is the second part of a two-part series on money and expectations. See Part 1 for important tips on how to communicate in a fundamentally better way about expectations and values around money. Money. Conflict. Those two words are paired a lot more often than most of us would like, right? Well, it doesn’t have to be that way! Let’s continue our case study of Amanda and Joseph and his infamous VR gaming set purchase that collided with her saving and timing goals.
How To Handle Unmet Money Expectations (Part 1)
This is a two-part series on how to view money as a source of connection instead of conflict. In Part 1, we’ll look at how to honor each other’s values and communicate with curiosity. Amanda, a young twenty-something woman I was talking to, was a saver. With her aim set on setting aside money to furnish her first apartment, manage her new car payment, and pay off student loans, let’s just say there wasn’t any room in her financial expectations for a … virtual reality set. An expensive one.
How To Live With Unshakeable Hope
You and I were made to live with rock-solid hope. But when we’re in pain or discouraged, hope can feel far away just when we need it most, right? That’s why I’ve released a brand-new 60-day devotional, Find Hope. This is a book straight from my research-loving heart, and I’ve been waiting for Easter week – the most hope-filled time on the calendar for Christians – to tell you about it.
Show More
loading
Actions
Is this you?
As a journalist, you can create a free Muck Rack account to customize your profile, list your contact preferences, and upload a portfolio of your best work.Get in touch with Ask
Contact Ask, search articles and posts on X, monitor coverage, and track replies from one place.
Learn more about Muck Rack