Avrum Weiss
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Articles by Avrum Weiss
Why Do Men Often Seem So Angry?
For some men, anger is the emotion they are most familiar with. Ask one of these men how he feels and you are likely to get a puzzled expression, unless, of course, he is angry, in which case he is often quite clear about how he feels. Some families have adapted strategies over the years to either avoid or manage men’s unacknowledged anger. Of course, men do have emotions other than anger, but anger is sometimes the only socially acceptable emotion for men.
Why Do Men Often Seem So Angry?
For some men, anger is the emotion they are most familiar with. Ask one of these men how he feels and you are likely to get a puzzled expression, unless, of course, he is angry, in which case he is often quite clear about how he feels. Some families have adapted strategies over the years to either avoid or manage men’s unacknowledged anger. Of course, men do have emotions other than anger, but anger is sometimes the only socially acceptable emotion for men.
Why Do Some Men Seem So Angry?
Source: Peter Ziegler/Pixabay For some men, anger is the emotion they are most familiar with. Ask one of these men how he feels and you are likely to get a puzzled expression, unless, of course, he is angry, in which case he is often quite clear about how he feels. Some families have adapted strategies over the years to either avoid or manage men’s unacknowledged anger. Of course, men do have emotions other than anger, but anger is sometimes the only socially acceptable emotion for men.
Why Do Some Men Seem So Angry? - Avrum Weiss
For some men, anger is the emotion they are most familiar with. Ask one of these men how he feels and you are likely to get a puzzled expression, unless, of course, he is angry, in which case he is often quite clear about how he feels. Some families have adapted strategies over the years to either avoid or manage men’s unacknowledged anger. Of course, men do have emotions other than anger, but anger is sometimes the only socially acceptable emotion for men.
How Renegotiating Your Marriage Can Keep Your Love Alive
My wife and I are coming up on a significant anniversary, the kind with an “0” at the end that you don’t want to forget. We have each been previously divorced, so we both know firsthand the painful consequences of not staying on top of what’s going on in your marriage. As it got closer to this anniversary, I cautiously approached my wife with what seemed to me like a radical idea. I suggested that we renegotiate the terms of our marriage, and that we continue to do so every five years from now on.
How Renegotiating Your Marriage Can Keep Love Alive
Source: Chuotanhis/pixabay My wife and I are coming up on a significant anniversary, the kind with an “0” at the end that you don’t want to forget. We have each been previously divorced, so we both know firsthand the painful consequences of not staying on top of what’s going on in your marriage. As it got closer to this anniversary, I cautiously approached my wife with what seemed to me like a radical idea.
How Renegotiating Your Marriage Can Keep Love Alive
15 Super Intimate Acts That Have Nothing To Do With Sex “Sometimes, the most profound moments come from simply being in each other’s presence without saying a word." The words “intimacy” and “sex” are often used interchangeably. And while sex can be one type of intimacy, there are many non-sexual acts that can be quite intimate, too. “There are a number …
Why Men Get So Angry
While many men struggle to recognize and express their emotions, anger is often the emotion with which many men feel most comfortable. Ask a man how he feels, and you may get a puzzled expression, unless he is angry, in which case he will often be quite clear and forthcoming about what he’s feeling. Men are socialized to channel much of their emotional life into anger because being angry avoids feeling vulnerable. Of course, men do have emotions other than anger.
Why Men Get So Angry - Avrum Weiss
While many men struggle to recognize and express their emotions, anger is often the emotion with which many men feel most comfortable. Ask a man how he feels, and you may get a puzzled expression, unless he is angry, in which case he will often be quite clear and forthcoming about what he’s feeling. Men are socialized to channel much of their emotional life into anger because being angry avoids feeling vulnerable. Of course, men do have emotions other than anger.
Can You Have a 'Real' Relationship With Your Therapist?
Source: tiyowprasetyo / Pixabay The television show "Shrinking" touches on a central question for many people in psychotherapy: whether their relationship with their therapists is real or whether the therapist only cares about them because they are being paid to do so. The therapeutic relationship is an unusual one because it is designed to be a space in which people can make it “all about me,” and not have to worry whether the other person is also getting their needs met.
Can You Have a 'Real' Relationship With Your Therapist?
Source: tiyowprasetyo / Pixabay The television series "Shrinking" touches on a central question for many people in psychotherapy: whether their relationship with their therapists is real or whether the therapist only cares about them because they are being paid to do so. The therapeutic relationship is an unusual one because it is designed to be a space in which people can make it “all about me,” and not have to worry whether the other person is also getting their needs met.
One Simple Question That Will Improve Your Relationship
Learn a new habit that can head off conflict in your relationship. The partner who initiates a conversation may not know what they need; questions can give them clarity. Effective listening requires learning how to hear "between the lines." “Stop trying to fix everything and just listen to me!” In over 40 years of working with couples in psychotherapy, I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard some version of this complaint from a couple.
The Loneliness of Being Right
I was raised in an emotionally violent family. We argued often, with little to no restraint. As a child, it seemed that arguments continued until one person finally “broke down” and cried, effectively losing the argument and making the other person the winner. Not surprisingly, conflict early in my marriage was ineffective and painful. When arguing with my wife, I kept pushing my point of view with little regard for how my aggression was affecting her or our relationship.
The Loneliness of Being Right
I was raised in an emotionally violent family. We argued often, with little to no restraint. As a child, it seemed that arguments continued until one person finally “broke down” and cried, effectively losing the argument and making the other person the winner. Not surprisingly, conflict early in my marriage was ineffective and painful. When arguing with my wife, I kept pushing my point of view with little regard for how my aggression was affecting her or our relationship.
An Innovative Approach to Dealing With Manipulation
In this culture, we often think of manipulation as an attempt to take advantage of others by controlling or influencing them unfairly, deceitfully, or unscrupulously.
An Innovative Approach to Dealing with Manipulation
Avrum G. Weiss · Follow Published in Hello, Love · 3 min read · -- In this culture, we often think of manipulation as an attempt to take advantage of others by controlling or influencing them unfairly, deceitfully, or unscrupulously.
A Surprising New Approach to Dealing With Manipulation
In this culture, we often think of manipulation as an attempt to take advantage of others by controlling or influencing them unfairly, deceitfully, or unscrupulously.
A Simple Trick to Argue Less and Feel Closer to Your Partner
I’ve been writing for Medium for almost five years, and this will be the shortest and most straightforward piece I’ve written. It’s as simple as this. The next time your partner starts any serious conversation with you, interrupt briefly at the beginning to ask, “Is this one of those times where you just want me to listen, or do you want my help with something?” Imagining yourself as the listener, you may find this suggestion belittling, perhaps even condescending.
A Simple Trick to Argue Less and Feel Closer to Your Partner
Source: EddieKphoto/Pixabay I’ve been blogging for Psychology Today for almost five years, and this will be the shortest and most straightforward entry I’ve written.
Stop Compromising and Improve Your Relationship
I often hear couples talking about compromise as the key to resolving conflict in their relationships. Those same couples often end up disappointed that their efforts to compromise don’t seem to resolve the conflict in their relationships. They often blame their partner for not doing his or her share rather than questioning the wisdom of the underlying compromise strategy. Let me give you an everyday example. It is common for couples to have differences about how they like to sleep.
Stop Compromising and Improve Your Relationship
I often hear couples talking about compromise as the key to resolving conflict in their relationships. Those same couples often end up disappointed that their efforts to compromise don’t seem to resolve the conflict in their relationships. They often blame their partner for not doing his or her share rather than questioning the wisdom of the underlying compromise strategy. Let me give you an everyday example. It is common for couples to have differences about how they like to sleep.
Stop Compromising and Improve Your Relationship - Avrum Weiss
Aa Aa Aa - A + I often hear couples talking about compromise as the key to resolving conflict in their relationships. Those same couples often end up disappointed that their efforts to compromise don’t seem to resolve the conflict in their relationships. They often blame their partner for not doing his or her share rather than questioning the wisdom of the underlying compromise strategy. Let me give you an everyday example. It is common for couples to have differences about how they like to sleep.
The Difference Between Anger and Abuse
The two “Inside Out” movies have helped people learn how to understand and accept their emotions. Psychotherapists like to reduce the complexity of human emotional experience to four categories: mad, sad, glad, or scared. Of the four, we often label mad, sad, and scared as “negative” emotions and glad as the only positive emotion. No research suggests that anger is unhealthy or harmful for relationships.
The Difference Between Anger and Abuse
Anger is a feeling, and abuse is an acting out of that feeling. Avrum G. Weiss · Follow Published in Hello, Love · 4 min read · -- The two “Inside Out” movies have helped people learn how to understand and accept their emotions. Psychotherapists like to reduce the complexity of human emotional experience to four categories: mad, sad, glad, or scared. Of the four, we often label mad, sad, and scared as “negative” emotions and glad as the only positive emotion.
The Difference Between Anger and Abuse - Avrum Weiss
Aa Aa Aa - A + The two “Inside Out” movies have helped people learn how to understand and accept their emotions. Psychotherapists like to reduce the complexity of human emotional experience to four categories: mad, sad, glad, or scared. Of the four, we often label mad, sad, and scared as “negative” emotions and glad as the only positive emotion. No research suggests that anger is unhealthy or harmful for relationships.
Buying the 'Perfect' Gift
Every day, people are disappointed with the gifts they receive or with the reaction of the person they gave a gift to. Sometimes, they are mildly disappointed, and other times, they are more devastated. Sometimes, they are sadly disappointed, and other times, angry. They may think, “If he really loved me, he would know what I want without my having to tell him.” On the other hand, people who give gifts are often disappointed with the reaction of the person they are giving it to.
Buying the Perfect Gift
Source: ua_Bob_Dmyt_ua/pixabay Every day, people are disappointed with the gifts they receive or with the reaction of the person they gave a gift to. Sometimes, they are mildly disappointed, and other times, they are more devastated. Sometimes, they are sadly disappointed, and other times, angry.
Creating Opportunities for Men to Be More Involved With Their Children
For generations, most heterosexual parents followed fairly rigid gender roles in how they ran their households and parented their children. Typically, men worked outside of the home and were responsible for financially supporting the family, and women were responsible for running the household, taking care of the children, and managing the family’s relationships with friends, other family, and each other.
Creating Opportunities for Men to Be More Involved With Their Children
For generations, most heterosexual parents followed fairly rigid gender roles in how they ran their households and parented their children. Typically, men worked outside of the home and were responsible for financially supporting the family, and women were responsible for running the household, taking care of the children, and managing the family's relationships with friends, other family, and each other.
Creating Opportunities for Men to Be More Involved With Their Children - Avrum Weiss
For generations, most heterosexual parents followed fairly rigid gender roles in how they ran their households and parented their children. Typically, men worked outside of the home and were responsible for financially supporting the family, and women were responsible for running the household, taking care of the children, and managing the family’s relationships with friends, other family, and each other.
Male Bashing
I recently attended a workshop intended for women therapists who are interested in learning more about working with men. At one point, the female workshop leader asked the group of mostly women to raise their hands if they liked men. About one-third of those in attendance immediately and enthusiastically raised their hands. In conversation afterward, most of these women said they were very close to their fathers, their brothers, or other men in their lives.
Helping Men Overcome Their Fear of Women
Awareness Awareness alone is not enough to bring about change, but becoming aware of your fears of women will likely set the process of change in motion. For men, I suggest you try carrying around the idea that you are afraid of women as a standing question that you pose to yourself any time you think it might be relevant. Is it possible that I feel fear in this interaction with my partner? It seems to be that I am mostly angry, but might there be fear underneath that anger?
Male Bashing
I recently attended a workshop intended for women therapists who are interested in learning more about working with men. At one point, the female workshop leader asked the group of mostly women to raise their hands if they liked men. About one-third of those in attendance immediately and enthusiastically raised their hands. In conversation afterward, most of these women said they were very close to their fathers, their brothers, or other men in their lives.
Helping Men Overcome Their Fear of Women
By Avrum G. Weiss Giving someone else what you were deprived of can constitute an important part of the healing. Photo: unsplash Awareness Awareness alone is not enough to bring about change, but becoming aware of your fears of women will likely set the process of change in motion. For men, I suggest you try carrying around the idea that...
Helping Men Overcome Their Fear of Women
Recognizing when you might be scared Awareness alone is not enough to bring about change, but becoming aware of your fears of women will likely set the process of change in motion. For men, I suggest you try carrying around the idea that you are afraid of women as a standing question that you pose to yourself any time you think it might be relevant. Is it possible that I feel fear in this interaction with my partner?
What Men and Women Don't Understand About Each Other
What Men and Women Don't Understand About Each Other There is an idea prevalent in our culture that similarities are good for relationships and differences are a problem.
What Men and Women Don’t Understand About Each Other - Avrum Weiss
There is an idea prevalent in our culture that similarities are good for relationships and differences are a problem. Couples often think the problems in their relationships are attributable to their differences, like “I’m a night owl, and she likes to go to bed early.” I’m always a little amused when working with a heterosexual couple in psychotherapy who thinks their different hobbies or habits are the cause of the problems in their relationships.
The Epidemic of Parental Estrangement:
Experts report an epidemic of adult children cutting off contact with their parents. In one recent study, researchers found that twenty-six percent of young adults are estranged from their fathers, and six percent are estranged from their mothers. The parents report that these estrangements often happen without notice or explanation, leaving them feeling deeply hurt and in the dark.
The Epidemic of Parental Estrangement:
By Avrum G. Weiss The Generation that Was Scared of Their Parents is Now Scared of Their Children Experts report an epidemic of adult children cutting off contact with their parents. In one recent study, researchers found that twenty-six percent of young adults are estranged from their fathers, and six percent are estranged from their mothers. The parents report that these estrangements often happen without notice or explanation, leaving them feeling deeply hurt and in the dark.
Unpacking the Epidemic of Parental Estrangement
Source: GrumpyBeere/pixabay Experts report an epidemic of adult children cutting off contact with their parents. In one recent study, researchers found that 26 percent of young adults are estranged from their fathers, and six percent are estranged from their mothers. The parents report that these estrangements often happen without notice or explanation, leaving them feeling deeply hurt and in the dark.
Fragile Masculinity and Hypermasculine Defenses
Why is the worst thing one man can say about another is that he is controlled by a woman, or more precisely, that he is controlled by his need for a woman? The reason is that in this culture, masculinity is defined more by what it is not, i.e., feminine, than by what it is, and anything that is defined primarily by what it is not is necessarily less well-developed, less mature, and more fragile.
Fragile Masculinity and Hypermasculine Defenses
Why is the worst thing one man can say about another is that he is controlled by a woman, or more precisely, that he is controlled by his need for a woman? The reason is that in this culture, masculinity is defined more by what it is not, i.e., feminine, than by what it is, and anything that is defined primarily by what it is not is necessarily less well-developed, less mature, and more fragile.
Fragile Masculinity and Hypermasculine Defenses - Avrum Weiss
Why is the worst thing one man can say about another is that he is controlled by a woman, or more precisely, that he is controlled by his need for a woman? The reason is that in this culture, masculinity is defined more by what it is not, i.e., feminine, than by what it is, and anything that is defined primarily by what it is not is necessarily less well-developed, less mature, and more fragile.
Early Childhood Origins of Men’s Fears of Women
There is substantial psychological research suggesting that many heterosexual men carry significant fears of their partners in their intimate relationships. These fears are manifested in areas such as fears of being controlled and dominated by women, fears of being entrapped by women, and fears of being inadequate with women.
Early Childhood Origins of Men’s Fears of Women
There is substantial psychological research suggesting that many heterosexual men carry significant fears of their partners in their intimate relationships. These fears are manifested in areas such as fears of being controlled and dominated by women, fears of being entrapped by women, and fears of being inadequate with women.
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