Cassie Murdoch
New York
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Articles by Cassie Murdoch
Not quite dating but not hooking up either? You're in a situationship.
You’re not really in a relationship with someone, but you’re not exactly just hooking up either. We've all been there, but no one ever knows quite what to call it. Now there is an answer: a situationship. Yessss. That is exactly right. Far better than the old standby “it’s complicated” and much more descriptive than “hanging out.” Such sweet relief. The term was unearthed by Carina Hsieh, who wrote about it for Cosmo.
A Q&A with Kasaun Wilson
The Problem with Our Staff by Cassie Murdoch 13 MINUTES READ If you’ve listened to our podcast, you know that our staff is loaded with talented, hilarious writers. We thought we’d give you a chance to get to know them a little better by asking them probing questions about their hopes, dreams, and fears of dying in embarrassing ways. Keep reading to hear how staff writer Kasaun Wilson found out he’d been hired and what cereal he’d choose to eat for the rest of his life.
A Q&A with Rob Christensen
The Problem with Our Staff by Cassie Murdoch 12 MINUTES READ If you’ve listened to our podcast, you know that our staff is loaded with talented, hilarious writers. We thought we’d give you a chance to get to know them a little better by asking them probing questions about their hopes, dreams, and fears of dying in embarrassing ways. Keep reading to hear how much staff writer Rob Christensen likes this job and his constant fear of needing to be a hero on the subway.
A Q&A with Jay Jurden
The Problem with Our Staff by Cassie Murdoch 11 MINUTES READ If you’ve listened to our podcast, you know that our staff is loaded with talented, hilarious writers. We thought we’d give you a chance to get to know them a little better by asking them probing questions about their hopes, dreams, and fears of dying in embarrassing ways. Keep reading to hear how staff writer Jay Jurden got this job and which insect he’d like to be reincarnated as.
Q&A with Tocarra Mallard | The Problem with Jon Stewart
The Problem with Our Staff by Cassie Murdoch 11 MINUTES READ If you’ve listened to our podcast, you know that our staff is loaded with talented, hilarious writers. We thought we’d give you a chance to get to know them a little better by asking them probing questions about their hopes, dreams, and fears of dying in embarrassing ways. Keep reading to hear how staff writer Tocarra Mallard got this gig and which celebrity she’d body swap with for a week.
A Q&A with Robby Slowik
The Problem with Our Staff by Cassie Murdoch 7 MINUTES READ If you’ve listened to our podcast, you know that our staff is loaded with talented, hilarious writers. We thought we’d give you a chance to get to know them a little better by asking them probing questions about their hopes, dreams, and fears of dying in embarrassing ways. To kick things off, we talked to staff writer Robby Slowik about how he got here and whether or not a very tiny gorilla would make a good pet.
Prepare to Be Amused By a Bunch of Babies Tasting Lemons for the First Time
In theory, watching babies take their first bite of lemon doesn't sound that exciting, but in practice it's actually kind of amazing. Their sour faces of surprise are priceless—it's kind of like watching someone realize that life is going to be bitterly unpleasant from now on. But don't worry, soon enough they'll learn the secret to dealing with lemons is making lemonade (and then later adding vodka to that lemonade). [Via Tastefully Offensive]
Uteruses Everywhere Weep As Arizona Governor Signs Insanely Restrictive Abortion Bill Into Law
Arizona made big strides today in its quest to be one of the absolute worst places to be a woman—or to even have a woman in your family. Governor Jan Brewer signed into law the hideous bill that redefines a pregnancy as beginning at two weeks before conception. That's the earliest of any state, so if you want to get a jump start on living, try to be conceived in Arizona.
When Not to Take Your Husband’s Name
“When she met David Lauren on a rainy New York night in April of 2004, the last thing on model Lauren Bush’s mind was how their names might sound together if they married. But now, seven years later, the two are engaged, and the 26-year-old is facing the fact that she’ll soon be Lauren Lauren…So how to solve the problem? ‘I think it will be Lauren Bush-Lauren,’ she says. ‘That’s not final, but I think it’s nice to have the same name as your husband.
Cat Gives Dog A Mind-Blowing Massage
Sometimes you wake up thinking you're going to have a perfectly fine day, a day in which nothing unusual or particularly remarkable will happen. You might eat some food; you might go for a walk; you might even watch something on TV. But you certainly don't wake up expecting to see something that will forever change the way you look at the world—and then you see THIS! A video of cat massaging a dog! It is the ultimate moment of zen. [Via Buzzfeed]
Watching A Man Kiss A Crocodile On The Lips Is As Scary As It Sounds
It's usually charming when a human forms a deep friendship with a powerful animal like a gorilla or a lion. Even though you're aware of the danger, you can see the emotions they feel for one another, and it's so heart-warming when the giant creature nuzzles their head into their human pal's chest or rests their massive paw in their lap. Yeah, well, this might be the exception to the rule that human-animal bonds are always adorable.
Filmmaker Becomes the First Black Woman to Win Best Director at Sundance
Women directors may not have had much luck at the Oscars this year, but things are going very well for one female director at the Sundance. Ava DuVernay, director of the drama Middle of Nowhere just won the Best Director for Dramatic Film award at the festival. She is the first black woman to win the award. Middle of Nowhere, which follows the story of a woman whose husband is incarcerated, is the second feature film she's made.
Conan Sings the Blues With Some Hilarious Kids
Conan O'Brien is doing his show in Chicago this week, and he stopped by a local elementary school to teach the kids a lesson in singing the blues. He asks the adorable first graders about their problems, and then crafts a song about them. The results are far more giggle-inducing than most of your standard blues, but you do totally feel for the poor boy who is hit in the head by a ball wherever he goes. Life is rough. [Via Team Coco]
When It Comes to Weight Loss, Black Girls Don't Get as Much Out of Exercising
The general principle of losing weight — for everyone — seems to be eat less, exercise more. But a new study shows that when it comes to the effect of exercise on weight loss in adolescent girls, race matters. The researchers found that while there was a strong link between physical activity and weight loss in white teenage girls, no such association existed for black teenage girls. Looks like the plot of the incredibly long novel we're writing about the obesity epidemic has just thickened.
Finally, A Perfume That Makes You Smell Like a Book
Are you a serious bookworm? Are you seeking to impress people with your love of reading or attract only the most erudite of mates? Then perhaps you would like to invest in a bottle of Paper Passion, the perfume that will make you smell exactly like a freshly printed book—because, as Karl Lagerfeld says, "The smell of a freshly printed book is the best smell in the world." Well, that and freshly baked cookies, and hyacinths, and barbecue, and, well, I could go on.
Vibrating Tattoos for the Mind-Bogglingly Lazy
If you thought the constant wearing of Bluetooth headsets was bad, just wait until we all have vibrating tattoos. That totally sounds like a made up product that some company tries to sell you on April Fool's Day, but it's actually a real thing that Nokia just patented that will allow you to connect wirelessly to your phone (or other electronic device) and receive little vibrating alerts through your skin. Holy shit. The future is now—and the future is totally useless.
Your Sleeping Pills Are Totally Going to Kill You
We've all heard the tales of Ambien making people do crazy things like eat cans of cat food in the middle of the night, only to have no memory of it in the next morning, but now comes the scary news that your sleeping pills might actually have a very depressing side effect: death. This will certainly not be welcome news to the many of us who aren't afraid to rely on a little prescription strength relief for our occasional (or, you know, constant) insomnia.
Hillary Clinton replied to AOC's take down of Jared Kushner and we all need a minute
Brace yourself: AOC and Hillary Clinton have joined forces on Twitter to create a clapback so powerful that you may need to take a some deep breaths to compose yourself. It went down on Thursday night, when Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tweeted a very straightforward "But his WhatsApp," after it was alleged that Jared Kushner had been communicating with foreign officials using WhatsApp.
Jay-Z Joins The Chorus Of Rich People Willing To Pay More Taxes
Jay-Z, with his bazillions of dollars in earnings, is firmly in the one percent. But that doesn't mean he's not willing to pay his fair share of taxes, provided he likes what the money is being used for: Me, personally, I wouldn't mind paying more in taxes if it went to the things that really mattered. If it went to education, to people in poverty, I wouldn't mind. I think it should be clearly defined where all the money's being allocated.
Ashley Judd and Friends Teach Rick Santorum a Lesson About Aborting His Campaign
Sure, Rick Santorum did some serious thinking before ending his ill-fated presidential candidacy, but did he really think hard enough about aborting such a vital force for change? Just in case, Ashley Judd, Michelle Trachtenberg, Katy Mixon, and Eliza Coupe have made this enlightening video for Funny or Die that walks ol' Rickles through every aspect of choosing to terminate one's campaign. Rick Santorum Aborts Presidential Campaign from Ashley Judd [Via Daily Beast]
Watch Adele's Incredibly Charming 60 Minutes Interview
Anderson Cooper interviewed Adele on 60 Minutes tonight, and it's hard to recall the last time someone so famous came off as so down-to-earth and like someone you'd actually want to be friends with. She and Anderson chat about everything from her love life (she's happy!) to her terrible stage fright to her love of swearing. It's so much fun to laugh along with Adele, instead of the usual weeping, for once.
Two Sisters Do an Insanely Good Cover of Robyn's 'Call Your Girlfriend'
Hey, what were you and your siblings doing when you were young? Smashing frying pans over each other's heads and squabbling over who go to sit in which car seat? Well, prepare to be shamed by these two low-key sisters, Lennon and Maisy, who've perfected a very impressive version of Robyn's "Call Your Girlfriend."[Via Reddit]
Adorable little girl has the most terrifying imaginary friend ever
Kids just say the most soul-crushingly terrifying things, don't they? Meet Ruby, 3, who either has an extremely vivid imagination or is being haunted by a pregnant teen ghost. The little girl's description of her imaginary friend (who, frankly, sounds more like a trapped spirit from another era) was tweeted on Monday by actress Natalie Morales.
Teenager Fakes Her Own Pregnancy for a Really Good Reason
“Gaby Rodriguez would worry whenever anyone asked to touch her baby bump. It wasn’t because she felt shy or embarrassed. It was because the bulge?—?fashioned from wire mesh and cotton quilt batting?—?didn’t actually contain a baby.
A Producer Once Tried to Help Julia Louis-Dreyfus By Telling Her Curly Hair Wasn't Fuckable
Julia Louis-Dreyfus is insanely famous and successful—she's the star of the new show Veep which premieres tonight on HBO—and she's managed to do it all in spite of having a huge disadvantage: curly hair. Whaaa? Well, most of us know that curly hair is beautiful, but one asshole of a producer at NBC tried to convince Julia otherwise during her early days at Saturday Night Live.
Great job everybody, we just killed free online porn
Thursday's FCC vote to end net neutrality will kill many of the things you enjoy most about the internet in its current form, but chief among them is your ability to access copious amounts of free adult entertainment. At the moment, porn makes up a massive portion of our online consumption. Last year Pornhub viewers alone used 3,110 petabytes of bandwidth. And people are paying almost nothing for it.
Town Is Beset by Mysterious Loud Booms, Wishes They Would Fucking Stop Already
As you drift off to sleep tonight, angry that the toddler upstairs won't stop doing jumping jacks or that your next door neighbor's cat is in heat again, just remember that it could be worse. You could live in Clintonville, Wisconsin, where a series of mysterious booms has been occurring for the past few nights. They're so loud that they're keeping people awake, shaking the ground, and sometimes even driving people into the streets in their pajamas.
JCPenney Goes For Broke With Remarkably Dumb, Sexist Ad
Oh, J.C. Penney, you need some help, don't you? First, with that ridiculous "Too Pretty for Homework" t-shirt and now with this insanely misguided commercial. It might—might—be excusable to use a bikini-clad Phoebe Cates (from 1982, wtf?!) to sell your men's dress shirts if it made ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER. But it doesn't! Are you using computers to come up with your concepts now?
Twitter Blew Its Chance To Help Ghostbusters Star Fight Racist Attacks
Ghostbusters may be a box office success, but cast member Leslie Jones hasn’t been able to relax and enjoy it because she’s dealing with an insane amount of racist and misogynist internet hate. On Monday, the comedian called out some of the people behind the abusive tweets aimed at her, and while it put the spotlight on some of these trolls, it also revealed that, at best, Twitter is inept at handling these situations, and at worst, willfully unhelpful.
The Surprising Silver Lining Of The Trump Tapes
This election has not been one of hope. If anything, it has felt more like a race to the bottom of the pit of humanity. That said, there is one small bright spot that has emerged from the godforsaken contest: The media is finally listening to women who’ve been the victims of harassment and abuse, and it feels like an important turning point for the half of the population that has struggled to convince the world that their stories mattered.
Unintelligent Male Attacks Sandra Fluke on Twitter, Wants His Name Magically Scrubbed From Google
It's so fun when someone has enough knowledge of technology to get themselves in trouble but not enough to realize that whatever they say online can and will be used against them in the court of public opinion. A tipster alerted us to a pretty amazing spat that TBogg is having with a man named George Tierney Jr from South Carolina. It began when George tweeted a nasty response to one of Sandra Fluke's tweets about some pro-woman legislation.
See a Man Have a Mind-Melting Conversation With His 12-Year-Old Self
It's not many of us who were organized enough to tape ourselves at age 12 talking to the future us, but thank goodness Jeremiah McDonald was. Now that it's 20 years later, he's having a little conversation with his past self. The results are pretty amazing, though the exchange between the two (er, one) is more contentious than you'd think. It seems you annoy yourself just as much in the future as you did in the past.[Via VVV]
Worth It: Keep Your Laptop From Frying Your Legs
Much unlike many a magazine editor who recommends you buy all sorts of crap that they most likely got for free, your Jezebel staff doesn't get jack shit (other than books, unsolicited). And that's how it should be. But on our own time, in our personal lives, we still buy stuff. So this is Worth It, our recommendation of random things that we've actually spent our own money on. These are the things we buy regularly or really like, things we'd actually tell our friends about.
Happy National Grammar Day!
Today is National Grammar Day, a day when we come together as a nation to encourage each other to follow the rules of the English language?—?or, in other words, to PAR-TAY. If you’re at a loss as to how one celebrates such a free-spirited and casual holiday, fear not! The National Grammar Day website is a one-stop party-planning shop. What do you say we all make a plan to get our grammar right toniiiiiiiiight? I’ve got some ideas, if you’re game.
Jimmy Fallon Spreads Holiday Cheer With A 'Twas The Night Before Christmas Mad Lib
Almost nothing is more fun, on a cold winter's night, than gathering around the fire with your friends and playing a game of Mad Libs. And Jimmy Fallon did it right: he busted out 'Twas the Night Before Christmas and asked a few of his recent guests—Patton Oswalt, Jack McBrayer, T.I., Jesse Eisenberg, Zac Efron, and others—for help filling in the blanks. As with most Mad Libs, it starts out normal and then veers quickly into hilarious territory.
'Stashing' is the newest way to get screwed over in love
Feel like your new romance features a little bit too much alone time? You might have been stashed. What now? Meet “stashing,” the newest relationship term to strike fear into our hearts. We’ve already been victims of “kittenfishing,” “breadcrumbing,” “gatsybying,” “haunting,” and, of course, the ubiquitous “ghosting.” And now we’ve got this to worry about.
Have Insomnia? You Might Just Be Afraid of the Dark.
If you're having trouble sleeping, you might not have some complex mental problem; you might just have a good old-fashioned fear of things that go bump in the night. At least that's what a new study has found. Researchers studied a group of college in Toronto and found that almost half of them who said they slept poorly also said they had a fear of the dark.
20-Something Women Are Awesome at Being Totally Stressed Out
It's no secret that as a general rule, we are all a bunch of deeply stressed folks. We have a gazillion things we need to get done in a day, emails and texts are flying at us at all hours, and we're constantly working to pay for fun things like food. But if you've noticed that your level of stress has been creeping up slowly over time, you are not alone. For the first time ever — amazingly — a study has been done that tracks levels of stress in the United States over time, and guess what?
Callista Gingrich Says She's Giving Up Her Opinion for Lent
It's Lent, a time when Catholics like to remind us all how virtuous they are for resisting the urge to indulge in whatever pleasure they've chosen to temporarily give up. So what are Newt and Callista forgoing this year? Here's what they told NBC:"I am going to give up desserts ... all desserts," Gingrich said. "I am giving up my opinion," Gingrich's wife, Callista, said jokingly.
See All Your Favorite Law & Order Actors Eating Sandwiches
What's even more delicious than watching the cast of Law & Order solve crimes and deliver justice? Watching them eat their lunch while they work on cases, of course. Thankfully Law & Order & Food exists and has helpfully collected images of Jerry Orbach, Sam Waterston, S. Epatha Merkerson, Benjamin Bratt, Chris Noth, and all your other favorite Law & Order actors from over the years indulging in tasty on-screen snacks.[Via Laughing Squid]
Yes, that controversial Google diversity rant matters. Like, really matters.
Think you don't need to care about the super inflammatory Google diversity manifesto that dropped this weekend? Think again. The tech community has been abuzz since Saturday about what the leaked document — which is full of all kinds of sexist commentary masquerading as an intellectual exercise — actually means. Plenty of people have argued it doesn't mean much. After all, it's just the thoughts of one exceedingly white tech bro, right? Wrong. So very wrong.
Watching This Puppy Get Rescued from a Drain Pipe Will Make You Jump for Joy
Dog rescue videos can be nerve-wracking for any animal lover, but I promise you watching this one will be worth it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it is the tiniest puppy. Just be sure to secure your electronic device in advance because you might start jumping up and down when the little guy finally sees the light of day. That scrunched up face! Those little squawks! And let's not forget the gentlemen who went to great lengths to save him.
This girl sneezed while taking a selfie and things went hilariously wrong
Ever wish you could capture more of yourself in pictures? Well, one woman has totally nailed it with an amazing selfie. The shockingly hilarious photo was posted by Reddit user JuddJasper, who explained that he and his girlfriend were using a feature on her phone that basically takes a panoramic selfie. For it to work, you have to stay in the same position, but his girlfriend sneezed, and, well, the results are like something out of The Exorcist.
Ryan Gosling Saves a Woman's Life and We All Die From Swooning
There is no way that Ryan Gosling is a real human being. He's got to be some kind of artsy superhero, because he seems to be just wandering the streets looking for people in need. First, he broke up that street fight last summer. And today he outdid himself: He saved a lady in Manhattan from being hit by a taxi. Seriously.
Your Handy Guide To Netflix’s 2016 Premiere Dates
Clear your calendars and take to the couches: The 2016 premiere dates for a considerable chunk of Netflix’s original programming has dropped into our collective laps. Even better, the streaming service is diving right in with two of their most hotly anticipated shows. Here’s the rundown: February 19: Love. Judd Apatow’s aptly titled relationship comedy premieres just in time to nurse your Valentine’s hangover. February 26: Fuller House.
Everything, Everywhere, Is Obama’s Fault
Of all the insanity Sarah Palin spouted during her long and winding endorsement of Donald Trump, one shining moment stands out: the infamous Grizzly mom blaming President Obama for her son Track’s arrest on domestic violence charges. She’s just sure it was the President’s neglect of veterans that led Track to assault his girlfriend, which—you have to hand it to Sarah—is quite a twist on the devil made me do it.
Michelle Obama and Ann Romney Duke It Out Over Who Has the Better Cookie Recipe
Their husbands may be going to head-to-head in a battle for control of the free world, but Ann Romney and Michelle Obama are right now locked in a heated fight of their own…the battle for cookie recipe supremacy. Oh Christ, are you serious? Yes, yes, it's that special time when the First Lady and her rival are forced to let their inner domestic goddesses shine as they submit their favorite cookie recipe to Family Circle.
Researchers Discover the Most Annoying Tweet in the World
The more time we spend on Twitter, the better most of us get at tweeting so that we don't annoy the hell out of all of our followers. And, yet, there are still those people who just can't seem to do it right. They mean well, but their tweets are just, well, annoying.
No kids allowed: Why the new Apple HQ has no daycare
No kids allowed: Why the new Apple HQ has no daycare Apple's new $5 billion campus in Cupertino, California, is nearly complete. The spaceship-like headquarters boasts a 9,000-square-metre gym, a luxury wellness centre and as many trees as a national park. It appears to have everything. Well, except a daycare. Mashable reporter Cassie Murdoch says Apple's lack of daycare isn't a mistake: it's a feature of a company that doesn't value work-life balance.
Meet Carrie Bradshaw: The Next Generation
How many Carrie Bradshaw's does the world need? Well, apparently at least two, according to the CW, who is airing The Carrie Diaries, a prequel to Sex and the City, which we will probably find enjoyable despite ourselves. It will feature a teenage Carrie B. living it up in 1980s Manhattan, and she'll be played by 18-year-old AnnaSophia Robb. You may remember Robb from the time she played another classic character, Violet Beauregarde, in the Johnny Depp version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
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