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Articles by Chai Steeves
How I’ve Decided to Financially Support My Kids and to Motivate Independence….Not Undermine it
I’m really proud of our 21-year-old daughter. Despite a tempestuous high school experience and very serious ADHD and anxiety, she is gainfully employed. This is more than we ever dreamed possible at this stage, but despite her huge success (in our eyes), financial independence still seems impossible. So we’ve come up with a brilliant solution (modesty aside) based on a book I read by Thomas Piketty, the Nobel Prize-winning economist.
Could You Be Getting More Use from your Lingerie?
It’s not just for underwear anymore. Press enter or click to view image in full size Out with another couple the other night, I was thrilled to see that my wife and her friend had each chosen to wear one of my all-time favorite looks — tight, torn jeans and a lingerie corsette. I find that to be a super sexy look, bordering on indiscreet, but still within the margins of the acceptable. I love it. It made me think of a fun article I read the other day that listed creative uses for lingerie.
Are We Killing Our Kids with Expectations, Work, and Pressure?
Press enter or click to view image in full size I just finished a family dinner with my niece and her family. She was returning from a morning of university classes, an afternoon shift at her waitressing job, and a 5 pm meeting to plan a women in sciences conference. She's a fantastic kid, hoping desperately to get into medical school in a couple of years. But I fear the journey there may destroy her.
Is It Possible to Have Sex on the Mind Too Much?
Sex is vital to a relationship, but is there a point when you become overly fixated? We've all heard countless stories about couples in sexless relationships. It causes distress, risks affairs, and is generally understood to be a problem needing to be addressed. But what about couples who have too much sex? Is that even a possibility? While the oversexed couple is more rare, I would argue that too much sex in a relationship can be as damaging as sexlessness.
A Gap Year at 45 Years Old- Everyone should have one, and here is what you should do
And it's not the standard self-help schtick... not even close I've just finished reading Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius. He was the Roman Emperor almost 2000 years ago - a brilliant, thoughtful man who helped oversee a golden age for the Roman Empire. Mediations is commonly considered one of the most thoughtful and important pieces of writing, reflection, and leadership ever written. I recall having to read excerpts from Mediations in high school and university.
You're Diagnosed With a Terminal Illness; is it better not to be told?
The surprising power of wishful thinking. A psychologist friend shared a study he came across this weekend. The study explored the concept of 'false hope,' aiming to determine whether individuals with false hope experienced better health outcomes. In the study, a thousand terminally ill people had a prognosis of 12 months. This prognosis was shared with 500 of them, and not shared with the other 500. The "other 500" lived on average 12 months longer than the 500 with whom the prognosis was shared.
Can Meditation Help Your Sex Life?
Ohmmmmm... yes A good friend of mine was distraught that her sex life was tanking. It had been weeks since she and her husband had had sex, and she couldn't figure out exactly why. She said she still felt sexual and, often, horny. She would masturbate a couple of times a week, and she fantasized about sex quite frequently. But when it came to having sex with her husband, she felt a little too keyed up for pure intimacy. Masturbation was easy, as she could just put on a video and get herself off.
When You Step Out For a Little Loving with your AI Chatbot, Are You Cheating?
The results of a poll on this may surprise you. As AI and its chatbots become increasingly sophisticated, life-like conversations with them become far more achievable. I interacted with a chatbot last week, planning a trip to Scotland. It was just as realistic as speaking online with a real, live travel agent. The ChatGPT bot asked insightful questions about my interests, the level of luxury we prefer when traveling, and the amount of activity we would like.
How I’ve Come to Love Non-Alcoholic Cocktails and Beer… and you can too.
I’ve finally hopped onto the abstinence bandwagon — well, part-time, but still… I was a hard-to-convert member of the non-alcoholic beverage movement. I’m a big fan of wine, love a nice, boozy cocktail, and will even have beer on a hot day on the dock. I’ve never been a super heavy drinker, but as new evidence was emerging showing that even smallish amounts of alcohol could have some pretty detrimental effects on our health, I decided to be a little more deliberate in my drinking.
Is Friend-Jealousy a Thing?
Yes, and it can be devastating and destructive. I’ll admit to having a jealous streak. At times, when I’ve found my wife or — before that — girlfriends to be a little overly flirty with guys, it sets me off a bit. But it’s tended to be minor, short-lived, and only directed at times when it made me a little insecure about her fidelity to me. But our daughter and her girlfriend — they seem to be taking jealousy to the next level. They have a wicked case of what I’ve heard called ‘friendship jealousy’.
Can Kink and Sensuality Co-Exist in Harmony in a Relationship?
Yes — but it takes work. Your partner wants long, romantic nights with candles, champagne, sensual massage, and sweet nothings whispered into his ear. You — on the other hand — want to tie him up, whip his ass, and then jump on his co&* and ride him like the wild stallion he is. For those familiar with Miss Jaya’s Erotic Blueprint, you will recognize these — kink and sensual — as two of her five erotic blueprint types.
We Can’t Even Agree on What Makes Us Sick - Is the Vax-Anti-Vax childishness driving you crazy?
Both sides are to blame and both need to learn to tell the truth — that’s science, my friends. Press enter or click to view image in full size Years ago, a medical researcher friend of mine wrote a fascinating paper on the risks of vaccines. The thrust of the paper was that for most vaccines, there is a very small, but also very real risk of severe adverse effects — including death — when vaccinations are administered.
He Masturbated Himself Right Out of His Job
It’s not what you probably think — but it’s equally bad…maybe worse. Press enter or click to view image in full size No, the boss did not walk in and find him dick in hand, porn-on-screen. This is more subtle and, I think, more interesting. A guy I used to know through work has recently been let go.
People Are Having Less and Less Sex - is it harming our wellness?
Answer: yes… and a double blow job may be the reaffirmation we all need. Press enter or click to view image in full size The data is pretty clear. We’re having less and less sex. Young people, in particular, are both waiting longer to begin having sex, and having less sex once they get started.
Simply Thriving: We Need to be More Social in order to Live Longer and Healthier…
… but it can be hard — 5+1 tips to make is easy and fun. A cold, hard fact about friendships — we need them to lead long and healthy lives. The evidence is overwhelming, and, in a rare show of left-right solidarity, does not seem to be in significant dispute. The Mayo Clinic found that friendships play an invaluable role in overall health. Studies on Blue Zones — areas in the world where people live the longest — have high rates of social interactions.
Post-Social - is this the society we are moving toward?
Stats are clear — people, especially young people, are getting less conscientious, less agreeable, less sexual, and more introverted and more neurotic — where is this taking us? In the past 24 hours, two seemingly unrelated yet deeply connected things came my way: a research study and an anecdote. First, the research. Researchers at the Financial Times have been studying trends in how personalities are changing and have reached some disturbing conclusions.
Her HusbandWon’t Have Sex With Her Anymore
Reading/listening to a lot of sex advice material — as I do — you hear countless stories of husbands whose wives will no longer have sex with them. They are faced with the dilemma of sexlessness and masturbating to porn versus being unfaithful to their partner through either hiring a sex worker or having an affair. Less common is the reverse scenario — a guy who doesn’t want to ever, ever, ever have sex with his wife.
An Odd Sexual Scenario Combining Sexting and Voyeurism/Exhibitionism
As a sexually open-minded person with an online presence, I’m used to getting some pretty strange requests. Some I’m open to; some are non-starters; others are somewhere in the middle and tempt and intrigue me, but leave me a little unsure. This is a story of the latter — certainly intriguing but a little offbeat. A couple I’ve been interacting with online for a few weeks had initially asked if we could all meet — them, me, and my wife.
Nude Photos and Dick Pics- Is it a fireable offence… or even that bad?
Up here in Canada, there is a story making headlines about a partner in a law firm who has been put on unpaid leave for sending a woman an unsolicited dick pic. It was my wife who first told me of the story, the facts of which seem highly relevant. He knew the woman socially, and they had no professional relationship or connection whatsoever. He sent the dick pic shortly after sending her a flirty text one night.
Drugs and Sex - It Can be Fantastic.. but perhaps too adictive?
I can still vividly remember the first time I had sex, while on MDMA. Every movement felt like sensual artistry; the connection with my partner was peak-sexy and loving at the same time; I felt like I was on the edge of orgasm the entire time; the sex went on for hours; and when I finally orgasmed, it was — without question — the best orgasm I had ever had.
In Defence of a Sexual ‘Quickie’.
People are dropping low-effort maintenance sex … that seems like a bad idea. I’ve been hearing from many couples that they are ditching weeknight sex. They are telling me that while they used to try to squeeze in a quickie at least a couple of nights a week, they have concluded that it seemed forced to fit these in, and that they ended up being more effort than they were worth. As they told the story, it would be a Wednesday night.
Method in Trump’s Madness
I try — occasionally- to step way back and see if I can make sense of what is going on in the madness of Trump’s America I do not support Trump. In fact, I strongly oppose his approach. However, I do not consider him unintelligent. Quite the contrary. He is more than a self-serving megalomaniac. He has a vision for America, and I’m trying to decipher what it actually is.
If You Do One Thing Today, Stand for the Victims of Sexual Assault… why today is the most important day ever
Yesterday, a very high-profile sexual assault case came to a resolution in Canada. It was the right result, but risks being used to horrible ends. The case involved six young, up-and-coming hockey stars who took a young woman back to their hotel room and had sex with her all night. She claimed she was drunk and coerced into the sex; they claim she instigated the orgy and was sober. Evidence — and the court decision — seem to support the young men’s claims.
Need More Energy for Your Relationship, Sex and Life in General?
Photo by Thiago Rebouças on Unsplash Here is a conundrum. You’re doing ‘everything right’, but still lacking the energy for the sex life you want to have, and the relationship with your spouse that you know you need. Let me set the scene with a recent conversation. A doctor friend shared with me his experience seeing several patients struggling with the aging process.
Is Alcoholism a Show Stopper in a Relationship?
Photo by Kyle Cleveland on Unsplash My daughter has found herself in love with an alcoholic. Our young adult daughter has always wanted to find someone who would love her unequivocally. She can be a little or/lot intense and has a long history of driving away those who are closest to her. As a result, she lives in intense fear of being abandoned. So, when she found a girlfriend last year, we were not surprised-not thrilled, but not surprised-when they got serious quickly.
Could Music Festival Season Be Any Sexier?
I’m not a huge fan of country music. But do you know what I’m a huge fan of? Tiny jean shorts, cropped T-shirts, and tank tops that come out when a country crooner is performing at a summer music festival. Earlier in our lives, my wife and I found it hard to find the time for music festivals. They tend to take up the whole weekend, and they run late. Between family activities, busy jobs, and chores we had to do on the weekends, our love of live music went on hiatus for years.
The Quest for Sex With a Virgin.. and her first baby steps.
One MILF’s experience A friend surprised me the other night. She’s always had a bit of a wild streak, but when she told me she recently let a random young man feel her up at a bar the other night, I was a bit surprised. The woman — she is a happily married mother of three; she’s in her early 40s, and attractive for her age, but not someone I would call stunning; she’s sexual but not overly so.
Scientists are Being Blasted for Using AI to Write Their Research Paper for Publication
Should we care? When I was in university, studying pre-med, we were required to take an advanced-level English course. The professor had taught the course for over 20 years and had made it her mission to transform all of us near-illiterate science geeks into writers.
The Political Left is Learning all the Wrong Lessons
Successful political movements on the right have a lot to teach progressives, but we are not listening. When Zohran Mandami beat Andrew Cuomo last week and became the Democratic Party’s nomination for the New York City mayoral election, it should have felt really good — like, jubilant — for the progressive movement. But what have we seen instead of a victory march?
Are We Aging Out of the All Night Sex-athons?
Staying up all night having sex, drinking and partying is amazing fun, but is the toll it tales too great? My wife and I have always had a very active and adventurous sex life. There is nothing we like more than our long nights of sex — like 5–6 hours — sometimes fueled by a little MDMA and wine and champagne. These evenings will be just the two of us or, often, us and our closest friends.
Aging Gracefully and Sexily
I’m getting older — like approaching retirement age-older. I saw my doctor recently, and when he asked about my health goals, I said, “I want to be climbing mountains, surfing, and having sex, all while writing the great American novel into my 80s.” My doctor was supportive and felt that it was all doable as long as I stuck with many of the health, fitness, and lifestyle habits I had developed over the year, tweaking some of them slightly.
Dealing With Someone Who Intimidates You Sexually and Emotionally
Sexual confidence is awesome… isn’t it? My wife and I will occasionally invite a ‘special guest star’ into our bedroom. It’s something we’ve done for years, wanting to introduce a little spark and variety into our sex lives. We’ve recently met a woman who both fascinates and (slightly) terrifies us. We’re unsure of how to proceed. The quick backstory. My wife and I have been together for many years and have a wonderful relationship and a great sex life.
Is Anal Sex an Appropriate Birthday Gift?
It’s more complicated than you think. Someone has a birthday coming up! As my birthday approaches, my wife has been teasing me and suggesting that I might get a gift I’ve been wanting for a while.
Is It Ever OK for a Parent to Sabotage Their Child’s Romantic Relationship?
There is a lot I like about my daughter’s girlfriend. She’s had to overcome a lot of adversity in her life, and I admire that. And, when sober, she provides much-needed companionship for my daughter and is a hard worker. But…… Before I get into the ‘buts,’ a little background: our daughter is a wonderful kid/young adult who struggles with ADHD and anxiety.
Will the Sexy Sundress Ever Go Our of Fashion?
I sure hope not. There is a scene in the TV show How I Met Your Mother where the Neil Patrick Harris character recites a poem about sundresses: What piece of women’s attire most stokes a man’s desire? — a sundress What lightweight outfit, pink or white, makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight — a sundress You kind of have to watch the show to get the full effect, but I 100 percent buy into the point.
What if the Obama White House Had Been Bumping Caviar?
There is always hypocrisy in politics, but the hypocrisy on the right is more pure, more malevolent, and more overtly offensive than the left would ever dare to try. I recently read about a new trend within the Republican Party. Bumping caviar off their hands in the same way that 80’s finance magnets used to bump coke. I can hardly think of something more emblematic of the current US conservative movement. 1980s superficiality with none of the 1980s edge — at least coke gives you a good high.
Is It Common for Women to Fatasize About Having a Cock?
Frankly, I was a little bit suprised. Of all the fantasies in the world… This surprised me a bit. My wife and I were having drinks the other night with two other couples, and the topic of sexual fantasies came up. A couple of the guys went first, and it was pretty standard fare. One was keen to have a threesome with his wife and another woman. The other guy got a little frisky and imagined himself in the coat room with their son’s schoolteacher. Fine fantasies, but not too outside the box.
What Do I Want More of Sexually
Rather than falling into patterns, it’s a question well worth asking. I’m not used to prolonged periods without my wife. But I’ve been traveling solo for about two weeks now on a hiking trip with my daughter, and while it’s fantastic to have so much quality one-on-one time with my near/now adult child, I am certainly missing my wife for many reasons, including the sexual.
Why I Masturbate - a lot. And maybe should cut back a little.
I will admit that I masturbate a lot. Maybe too much. While I agree with all the opinions and evidence that masturbation is normal and healthy, I do worry sometimes that I overdo it. Call me an overachiever, but I masturbate pretty much every day that I do not have sex. And when I masturbate, it can be for an hour or more each time. The amount of time I spend masturbating has caused me to reflect on why I masturbate to understand whether it is a healthy pastime or maybe a little excessive.
Is it Time to “Go To The Mattresses” Again in our Fight to Protect the Planet?
I’ve spent much of my professional life in corporate boardrooms and political offices, setting new laws, policies, and innovations designed to improve the environment. I had the privilege of attending the negotiations for the first global convention on climate change and helping write national pollution and species-at-risk legislation.
Sex, Surrender (to equivocal love) Surfing, and Socializing
Might these be the key ingredients of a perfect life? An old friend once told me, ‘Do things that you love, stay healthy, love and be loved; and contribute — do these things, and you will lead the perfect life.” This advice has always resonated with me and has been the blueprint by which I lead my life. In a very deliberate order: Surrender (to unequivocal love).
Am I the Only One Who Still Loves the Idea of the Mile High Club?
Back in the day, when gas was 50 cents a gallon, children respected their elders, and you could walk to the corner grocery and feed your family for a week on twenty dollars — you know, when men were men, etc., etc., etc. I’m not sure those days ever existed, but I do know that back then, airplanes had big bathrooms and lax security, and enrolling yourself in the Mile High Club was a right of passage for almost every frequent traveler. But the times have changed.
The Asshole In the Business Class Lounge at the Airport
Why is it we always want more; or at least more than someone else is getting I’ve always traveled a lot for work, and have been lucky enough to have jobs that allowed me to travel quite luxuriously. I’ve allowed those indulgences to spill over into my personal travel, and as a result I pretty much only travel in business class when I fly. Despite my proclivity for first class travel, I’ve never been at ease with others who tend to travel like this.
Managing Relationships in the Era of Anxiety-Ridden Teens
The art of the breakup has never been so high stakes Do you remember your first breakup from a serious relationship? If you are like me, you took a little while feeling sad, hung out, and got drunk with some buddies (or gal-pals), probably had a couple dubious hook-ups with some questionable partners, and — before long — got back in the saddle and did it all over again. Breakups were bad, but when you were a certain age, they were also to be expected.
Falling in Love with the Cam Girl
And other examples of love leading from the c*&k I have an old friend — smart and successful in almost every way. But, damn, is he ever bad with women. He falls for all the wrong ones, and for the worst reasons. As an example: I’ve never seen him at a strip club not fall head over heels in love with the stripper who’s given him a private dance.
Why Need an 80s Porn Magazine Renaissance
It may save our democracy and our country My wife and I have a fun ritual. Every summer, as cottage season approaches, we buy some vintage Playboy and Penthouse magazines for adult reading at the cottage. Vintage porn, for us, is both a fun and kitchy way to embue cottage time with a sexy vibe, and a throwback to a pre-internet, PornHub-dominated days.
How Do You Interact with a Politician who is 50% Right and 100% Asshole
Donald Trump, Elon, RFK … beneath their horrific exterior, there is some sense. All of the following are true: Donald Trump is the most damaging president the United States has ever had and the most significant threat to democracy worldwide. Elon Musk is a man-child wielding undemocratic power in the name of a lunatic. RFK’s take on vaccination is uninformed, dangerous, and a joke.
Can Exchanging Sexy Photos Keep Things Exciting and Spicy?
It’s all in execution Last night, my wife and I got on a bit of a roll, with our closest friends, sending sexy photos back and forth that we had taken over the years of our friendship. Over about an hour, we sent about 30 photos back and forth, and reminisced about the nights that led to these gorgeous photos.
Is the World Learning that Cooperation Sucks
As we look at our largest global challenges, I fear we tried to hard to all get along and work things out toghether. In seven years, at the height of the Cold War between the United States and the Soviet Union, Americans answered John F. Kennedy’s challenge to land and man on the moon by the end of the 1960s. It was an audacious goal, set after the Soviet’s shocking leapfrogging of the US in the space race by putting a man into orbit in 1957.
What Triggers Your Sexual Attraction?
Me, I’m an eyes guy, but a great ass helps too… does that make me both deep and shallow or just shallowly deep? I was once making a case to a close female friend that my attractions were purely personality-based. I said I looked for partners with good energy, kindness, interesting things to say, etc.. She quickly shot back, ‘You once made us switch tables at a restaurant so we could get the waitress with better cleavage.’ Touche. I may not be more superficial than I think I am.
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