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Articles by Codi Cheyenne
The rules of 2019 have already been decided and there's nothing we can do about it
I feel kind of bad for 2019 because people are already mad at it and it hasn't even started. It's like when you get with someone following a breakup and you're already assuming they're cheating on and lying to you, because why would anyone ever be genuine? How can you blame us though? Even if 2018 was a good year for some people ~personally~ this is the first year in a long time almost everyone I've asked has prefaced telling me what they've been grateful for with this, and that speaks volumes.
Here's how to backtrack after sending a risky (maybe drunk) text
You know when everything is going great, and you're getting along, and going on cute dates, and having really good sex and then you go ahead and fuck it up by sending a risky, tipsy text? Yeah, me too. If you haven't done it are you really even a millennial? Stats would say, no. Fine, there aren't actually any "stats" per say, but my evidence is that I don't know a single person who hasn't sent one, and that's all the evidence you or I need.
People want to buy pink burgers and cups of icing from Jeffree Star, and I hope they all go broke
When he's not lounging around in his gaudy pink bedroom or calling black women the n-word, Jeffree Star is busy devising new ways of taking money from his diehard stans. From charging $54 for a hoodie to selling cracked piles of glitter masquerading as highlighter, it's not surprising his net worth is $50 million. You idiots will buy ANYTHING he puts out, including pink cheeseburgers and cups of icing, apparently.
Your weekly horoscopes are here, and it looks like someone is finally going to commit
When I dip, you dip. The energies of the cosmos seriously slipped last week, and now we’re all rising back up. That means you’re going to have to shake off the dust and become alert. Venus and Saturn will also connect this week, offering us some much-needed connection to other people, as well as clarity with commitments we need to make.
Did anyone else notice this kind of racist moment in the 'thank u, next' video...?
• Dec 03 2018 Did anyone else notice this kind of racist moment in the ‘thank u, next’ video…? ‘I know you didn’t think a white girl made that shit up!’ Ariana Grande's new video for "thank u, next", released just a few days ago, was filled with blink-and-you-miss-it references and callbacks to both iconic teen films of the early aughts and Ari's own relationship drama. And that's why I can't really blame people for not noticing this kinda sorta definitely racist moment halfway through the video.
Your weekly horoscope is all about how to avoid some pretty intense love drama
Mercury’s retrograde ends on December 6th! How are we celebrating? What better way than with a New Moon in Sagittarius the very next day! If you’re wise, you’ll use this for a fresh start to stop getting caught up in the same dramatic situations playing on repeat and move on.
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A guide to Facetuning your photos like an Instagram influencer
Let's cut the crap. We all Facetune, alright? He does it, she does it, your best friend's mom does it. There's no shame in talking about it openly! Everyone retouches their photos, and that's just the goddamn truth. We look different in real life than we do in photos. No camera is perfect, and even though most of them are pretty damn good, they still do things like make your nose look bigger or your legs look thicker than they actually are.
'Yoga Skin' is the new skincare trend I want zero part of 😩💦
I…don’t love yoga people. There’s just something about Lululemon pants that changes a person. It’s not even them, it’s the idea of them. They remind me of Alex & Ani and bird tattoos (I have one too, this is a self-drag), and can’t help but envy the fact they wake up with the desire to touch their toes.
If you absolutely MUST text after the first date, there’s a right and a wrong way to do it
My real advice is this: Do not be the first one to text someone after a first date. Ever. Because if you're thinking about texting them it means you've already convinced yourself you like them, even though you've met them literally ONCE, and wouldn't it be nice to wait for them to text you so you can be sure they're at least kind of into it as well? But we are not creatures of patience and I get that. You probably didn't even read my first paragraph.
Douchebros everywhere are weeping over PBR's imminent death
I am saddened to announce that we are fast approaching the end of an era. A longstanding cultural symbol of America is being violently butchered to death by shrewd businessmen who value financial profit over historical legacy. There is no denying that this is a dark and embittered time for many of us. However, let us not waste these last precious seconds filling our hearts with regret and sorrow.
Today is the luckiest day of the year, and here's exactly what that means for your sign
The luckiest day of the year has arrived. November 26th — the annual connection between blessed Jupiter and our glowing Sun! Some of you will really be basking in the glow that is shining down on us from the stars, and others will have a hard time escaping Mercury’s retrograde. But by tonight, we’ll all find some luck: Aries What does Lady Luck have in store for you today? I’ll tell you. CLARITY! It’s almost as if you’ve been walking around with a maxi pad as sunglasses.
Why do I feel like a proud mom when I watch Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Instagram Stories?
babe • Nov 14 2018 Why do I feel like a proud mom when I watch Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Instagram Stories? My baby is going off to college! Objectively speaking, this doesn't make a lot of sense. I am a 22-year-old recent college grad who still lives with her parents in New York. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a 29-year-old politician who was recently elected to serve in Congress. To my knowledge I have never given birth, and I certainly did not give birth to Alexandria.
So let's revisit all those Stan Lee sexual assault allegations
Stan Lee, the legendary writer and publisher of Marvel Comics, died yesterday at the age of 95. All over the Internet, people have been posting heartfelt tributes to him, declaring him a “real-life superhero” and a “creative genius.” From actors who worked with him on movies to everyday fans of the Marvel franchise, it seems like almost everyone wanted to pay their respects to the man who was responsible for creating iconic superheroes such as Spider-Man and Black Panther.
What the person he dated before you says about your current relationship
It’s completely normal to obsesses over the girl someone you’re seeing dated before you. You aren’t “crazy” for wondering what drew him to her in the first place, what inside jokes they shared, and what ultimately tore them apart. You also aren’t crazy for wincing whenever the two of you meet someone with her name, or for creating a fake account to see if she left any old pictures of them up. Or maybe that last one’s just me….
Your weekly horoscopes are here, and there are about a THOUSAND things in retrograde at once
I can tell how freaked out you all are about love and relationships by the questions you’re submitting to Dr. Ross on the babe IG, but thankfully we can all take a GD breath, when Venus ends its retrograde on the 16th. On the other hand, Mercury goes into the retrograde that very same day… No matter which planets are in retrograde, it's no excuse to put up with BS. You deserve loving and healthy relationships! No one has time to fuck around with people who don’t care about you.
Skoop describes the worst prison lockdown she's ever experienced
Skoop is babe.net’s prison correspondent. She’s currently incarcerated in SCI-Muncy, a maximum security women’s prison in Pennsylvania. She loves flirting, cooking and trap music. She’s also a writer and she sends her columns to us by letter. Her nickname, as she likes to say, is Skoop because she scoops up all the girls. She’s here talk about what her life on the inside is like — and if you’re smart, you’ll listen. This week she writes about the worst lockdown she's ever experienced.
Here's what tonight's Jupiter in Sagittarius means for your weekend dick appointments 👀
Whenever there’s a shift in the planets, it always means you can expect some big changes. The planet entering effects every sign and, depending on which planet it is, it can either mean positive change or months of total shit.
We launched a podcast that might actually help you master the dating apps
I’m not going to waste your time on what you already know: dating apps are filed with millions of single people ready to hang out with you this literal instant, but finding one who’s willing to settle down is trickier than that time I tried to wrangle my hat into a tiny chef costume for Halloween. The thing is, though, there are actual ways you can game the…game and win it and while it’s easier said than done, it is doable. So not to sound like an infomercial, but take it from me.
Watch out, world! Girls are fighting bigotry with MAGA scams and chocolate milk
Midterm elections are fast approaching and the political climate has never been more polarized. A wave of intolerance and bigotry is threatening to take over the country, and well-intentioned people are attempting to fight it in any way they can — voting for liberal candidates, campaigning for the Democratic Party, marching down the streets with handmade signs proclaiming "Women's Rights Are Human Rights," and hosting roundtable debates with Nazis to try to reason them out of their bloodlust.
How to avoid ‘catching feelings’ while hooking up, because nobody has time for that
Since at this point life feels like a series of catching feelings and getting disappointed, I've created a guide to help you through the inevitable hooking up, falling for, and come down crash you'll cycle through at least two more times before January — only this time, you won't fall in the first place. Just because you are sleeping with someone doesn't mean they need to be on your mind every waking moment.
Your weekly horoscopes are here -- get ready for some major romantic power shifts
What lessons can we take from this week? The New Moon in Scorpion will have us all cleansing our spaces and recalculating what it is we really want for ourselves and for our relationships. Be kind to to others, because they are also going through an emotional cleansing process, but do not back down. Astrological happenings to take note of this week: ✨ A new moon in Scorpio on November 7th Your instinctual compass tends to have you rushing through life, but do you ever stop to just like, chill?
How to slide into his DMs without seeming like you care too much
So there’s a mans you know from class, or through friends, or online but not IRL, and you're wondering how to slide into his DMs so he messages you back, instead of screenshot-ing it and sending it down his frat's GC. No biggie, we all get crushes. I can see it now: you telling your kids you met their dad by sliding into his DMs on a photo app. It's the next TATBILB. But sliding into someone's DMs can be tricky, and there are a few things that'll really up your changes of getting a message back.
How influencers pay drama channels to destroy their competition
Famous YouTubers are paying drama channels to trash their rivals, babe can reveal. Influencers with millions of subscribers work with drama accounts – the ones who post viral videos about internet celeb gossip – as their personal PR machines. They use them to push negative publicity around their competition or positively spin their own scandals, and reward them with cash or clout.
Scorpio season, the season of death, is upon us so prepare for loss and transformation
Today, October 23, marks the first day of Scorpio season, so prepare to have your mind blown and your pussy ate. Totally Kidding. You're actually going to die! But in an exhilarating, death-brings-light kind of way. Death in tarot is the equivalent of Scorpio in astrology. And because Death is a card of transformation, and typically refers to needing to start completely over by letting go of the past, Scorpio season is a time to embrace cycles of life, death, consequence, and deep transformation.
Maybe YOU can tell me why this Instagrammer keeps photoshopping his ballsack to look bigger
Listen here, pal, cause I'm only gonna say this one time – there's a famous Instagrammer who keeps photoshopping his BALLS to make them look bigger, and we have proof! An influencer called Samuel Rossi edited this, and many other photos of his Finnish nütsåck, which we have painstakingly uploaded as a gif for your consideration: Thus, you can see not only has Samuel made his waist skintier and his hairline skronger but also his gonads danglier.
Stop what you're doing and go delete every tweet from before the year 2016
This weekend, Brother Nature started trending on Twitter because — you guessed it — he was being exposed for problematic tweets. This beloved deer whisperer, who became famous for posting wholesome videos of himself feeding wild animals, was being criticized and outright canceled for his old tweets from 2011, which included statements like "Heil Hitler" and "When I grow up I wanna be like Chris Brown.
Your weekly horoscopes are here, and it’s time to finally let go and move on
Buckle up, because this is about to be an emotionally intense week. Everyone is going to be shedding emotional baggage, so cast your protection spells early on, before anything gets too wicked. The Sun enters Scorpio on the 23rd, there’s a full moon in Taurus on the 24th, and then on the 26th, the Sun meets with Venus, bringing light to retrograde stories. It may seem like a lot all at once, but by the end of it, you’ll be feeling a hell of a lot lighter.
Celebrating the anniversary of when that kid filmed a Musical.ly in front of his dying grandpa
Imagine you're a proud grandfather, at the end of a long and happy life. You're on your hospital deathbed, breathing raggedly, as you're hooked up to life support. It's an emotional time – you're surrounded by your loved ones smiling and doctors shaking their heads. You've not got long left, and you close your eyes, preparing yourself for the great journey into the unknown. And then, out of nowhere, your idiot fucking grandson starts blasting DJ Snake feat.
Introducing the Hair Straightener Tongue Challenge
Hard to explain what makes anyone willingly put themselves through extreme pain for clout (this guy who shocked his dick off by thumbing it into an electrical socket, for instance), and yet here we are with a new trend tentatively named the Hair Straightener Tongue Challenge.
Beauty disasters we all experienced as teenagers in the early 2000s
The teenage girls of today will never know the horrors that the teens of the early 2000s went through. If you’re over your mid-twenties and reading this, you probably endured a far, far more painful experience than any of us – that, I’m not equipped to write about. So, I’ll stick what I do know, the early 2000s. This was a time before beauty blenders, contouring and cut creases. There were no beauty gurus on YouTube to guide us, no Instagram feeds to inspire us and certainly no HD Brows going on.
Why did Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson broke up? An investigation
So Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson broke up this weekend, surprising absolutely nobody. Who would've thought that a whirlwind five-month-long PDA-fueled relationship between an unfunny butthole-eyed corpse-looking dude and a world-famous pop star who was WAY out of his league could've possibly worked out? The question was never if they would break up, but when. The relationship was doomed from the start, but the breakup was still pretty abrupt.
Your weekly horoscope is here, and you have to start thinking about yourself
Coming at you live with some compassionate, authentic realness. Last week was a trip, stirring up the old and bringing about much needed change. You may have been challenged, making you question yourself and how you interact with the world. When that happens, we need some guidance on how find our footing again, so here are some gentler, heartfelt suggestions on how to be better babes. <3 Continue to proceed with caution this week, Aries.
Republicans are burning their Taylor Swift merch after her big political announcement
Are you having a bad day? Of course you are, it's a Monday. I know how to make you feel better, though. Go to the social media platform of your choice and search for any combination of the words "taylor + swift + disappointed." You will be met with a horde of disgruntled conservatives absolutely filling their diapers over being finessed by Taylor Swift.
Scamella strikes again! Zoella's new book is a massive waste of money
Zoella, the anodyne star of YouTube's most boring videos, has grown rich by selling shlock to her young audience. She's sold them shitty advent calendars for $65 a pop, reusable coffee cups that leak, and tickets to a disastrous event dubbed "Fyre Fest for tweens" where her fans paid hundreds of dollars to wait for hours in an empty room for nothing.
The upsetting truth about sexual harassment in high school sports
Everyone who’s played high school sports know they can take over your life. Competing for state championships, recovering from injuries, fighting for top spots — it can be hard. So the last thing a team needs is a coach being overly demanding, or even inappropriate. Unfortunately, my experience on a volleyball team taught me that what we needed wasn’t always what we got. “What position am I playing today?” was often the least of my worries.
People think they can hypnotize themselves into looking like Kendall and Ariana
The largest brain behavior, as we have just found out, comes from people who think they can reshape their faces with subliminal messaging videos. I am not kidding – there is a large online community of complete dingbats who honestly believe that by watching "subliminal face" clips they can make themselves look like Kendall Jenner and Ariana Grande.
Your weekly horoscope is here, and it’s aaall about intense love and sex
Angels are singing in the distant heavens, the sun is shining, life feels worth living! Love, am I right? Hallelujah! Don't get too excited just yet, though — this week is going to be intense thanks to a Venus retrograde in Scorpio. Hold on to your hats because things are about to get wild. Your mantra this week: “Not too deep!” Deep thoughts, deep feelings, all that fun stuff is brought to you in part by Mercury squaring Pluto at the very start of the week.
I will die on this hill: Stop lying in your Instagram bio
It used to be that the only people who concerned themselves with promoting themselves online and establishing a digital identity were celebrities, companies, and businesses. But as social media took over and infiltrated our lives, the desire for self-promotion slowly crept in to regular people. These days, nearly every single person you know is probably promoting themselves on Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat. In a way, it's understandable.
Your weekly horoscopes are here... are you ready for Libra season?
Happy Libra Season Babes! Happy Autumnal Equinox Witches! The full moon in Aries has us revved-up and ready to go, but Libra is coming in hot trying to make us balance and calm-the-fuck-down. Will we listen? Let’s see… Cosmic happenings this week: Full Moon in Aries on Sept 24th and Pluto ends retrograde in Capricorn on Sept 30th.
Get ready to smash that mf Nut Button, here's Lana Del Rey's super hot brother!
Finally, girls and gays have a new reason to unite.
Your weekly horoscopes are here, and they come with a major warning
CAUTION: Look out for September 18 as a day full of erratic energy and a desire to rebel thanks to Mars squaring Uranus for the third time this year. If you don’t find a healthy place to release this energy, it’ll most likely turn into stressful conflict that can even physically manifest itself in the form of causes acne or psoriasis breakouts. Yeeeah, no thanks! Turn this energy into creativity, invention, or inspiration towards something productive.
That weird 'Curvy Wife Guy' hates us :(
Whoever said heroes come in all shapes and sizes clearly never imagined that one day, The Curvy Wife Guy would come onto this earth and declare himself a martyr for thiccness.
Your weekly horoscopes are here, and things are going surprisingly well for all of us…?
Has anyone told you how intelligent you are lately? Mercury in Virgo is making that aspect of you pop this week and confirming that truth! You are SO intelligent. You kick ass at taking care of business and getting shit done.
Maybe not everyone is supposed to a pop star?
The YouTube bubble is slowly bursting. No longer can Internet personalities sit around and rake in six figures for screeching into a webcam while using a condom to apply 100 layers of foundation on their face. Desperate to cash in while they still have some semblance of fame, YouTubers have decided the next big business move is…become a popstar. This is all well and good, I can appreciate the struggle to stay on top. Man can't survive on ColourPop PR freebies alone, I get it.
Is anyone else cursed with Resting Priest Face?
When I was 7, a church photographer told me I looked mad and said it wasn't a good look for a lady. Never mind the fact that I was in first grade and barely had the muscle control to not pee my pants in the cafeteria — this stuck with me, and I've always assumed I have the pissed-off visage of an overworked cab driver stuck in traffic. Resting Bitch Face before I knew what Resting Bitch Face was, really. But now, after years of consideration, I realize I have something else: Resting Priest Face.
Let this googly-eyed fish scheme inspire you to pull an equally genius scam on your next boyfriend
Summer may be winding down, but the season of scam is FAR from over. At long last, after multiple heroic efforts from grifters and con artists across the world, I present you the King of Scam — a conniving fishmonger from Kuwait who scammed thousands of innocent people with an incredibly elaborate and convincing hoax. This absolute genius tricked nearly every single person in the country into thinking that he was selling the freshest fish in the market. And I mean, who wouldn't believe him?
Your horoscopes for the first week of September are here, and love may be mistaken for lust
As Virgos across the land are busy celebrating the start of their new year, there remains a special kind of magic in the air. It could be the lingering energy from this past Full Moon, or you could just be riding that fall cuffing-mania high, feeling some type of way about someone in particular. But be sure to manifesting the energy of the New Moon on the 9th. Let us solidify relationships by stripping down, casting a love spell and locking something special down for fall.
This guys -- no, this LEGEND -- ranked every Hilary Duff song instead of writing a 15-page paber
IRL • Jul 20 2018 Tbh I didn’t know she had this many songs Back in college, being studious was only trendy because you knew the campus weed guy was dealing out of the library study cubbies — but despite distracting underclassmen screaming through bookshelves, getting last-minute homework done is always the end game. One student, however, took a 3-hour homework break to rank Hilary Duff songs.
Creeps who call the Florida high school shooter a ‘saint’ are now bragging about stalking girls
Guys on a site called incels.me, which advocates for rape and torture, are now bragging about stalking teenage girls at night. In a post that has gone viral, a user named Classic_Jarvis describes the thrill he felt when stalking a frightened girl. He says he approached her to ask for directions and her name. "She became afraid and started walking away," he writes.
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