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Articles by Dan Regester
Being A Back Guy Living In An Ab Guy World
I’m a back guy. Always have been. I popped out of the womb looking like a longshoreman from the early 1900s who just got off his sixteen-hour shift unloading cargo down on the docks of the Delaware River. If you saw me on the streets, you’d immediately assume I was either a ditch digger, an old school coal miner that prefers using a pickax and has yet to adopt and accept modern day machinery, or a mover who specializes in heavy antique clocks. That’s just what a monster back says about a man.
Lightly Toasted • A podcast on Anchor
Dan Regester and John Duda intro you to a new world they're calling Lightly Toasted. Ty Pennington (TLC's Trading Spaces and ABC's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition) joins for the first episode to discuss personal demons, his early-aughts superstardom, and political opinions. If you're a fan of obscure PGA golf tournaments or minor celebrities, this very well may be the podcast that you've been missing.
UCF Phi Delt Defends Himself During Shark Attack By Punching It Right In The Face
A member of Phi Delta Theta at the University of Central Florida reached Greek folklore status last Thursday afternoon when he cold cocked a black tip shark in its face and prevented it from ripping his leg off. Josh Green was conquering the ocean body surfing at Cocoa Beach when he felt something grab ahold of his foot. From Knight News: “I didn’t realize it was a shark until I punched it, thinking it was someone messing with me and then felt the face.
My Dream Job Is To Be A Jet Ski Rental Guy Down In The Caribbean
Yeah, I’ve actually had multiple orgasms on jet skis. Maybe it’s something in our blood that we can just, you know, get hard from riding fucking badass, you know, terrain vehicles, water crafts. – Kenny Powers You surely rolled your eyes and scoffed at the title while simultaneously wondering if you accidentally stumbled onto one of those lifestyle websites that litter your newsfeed from every girl you went to high school with that cuts hair for a living at Great Clips.
Bring Back Bullying
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== I’m here to speak up on a serious subject matter on behalf of very real, innocent victims that cannot form the competent sentences on their own. They come from a small fishing village much like yours or mine, but have trouble getting through to others with their written or spoken word.
KA Nationals Ban Chapters From Using Traditional “Old South” Themed Formal
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== The Kappa Alpha Order started the Old South Ball tradition in 1939 at Mercer University. It was inspired by the release of the classic film “Gone With the Wind” and served as a celebration of the fraternity’s southern roots.
Fraternity Uses Pokémon Go As Recruitment Tool For Rushees And Women
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== TEMPE — A once desolate, rundown off-campus fraternity house has become the thriving epicenter of a fad-obsessed university. The 22-man Beta Omicron chapter hasn’t had a pledge class in over three semesters and seemingly accepted their inevitable fate of getting their charter pulled by nationals.
Jon Hamm Was One Sadistic Animal In College, Allegedly Set A Pledge On Fire
As if I didn’t have enough reasons to love Jon Hamm, court records recently dredged up from his time at the University of Texas have revealed that he was one depraved, twisted son of a bitch. The incident exposed by the Travis County Court documents was during Hamm’s sophomore year where he told a 21-year-old pledge, “It’s going to be a long night.” The unidentified junior was then allegedly subjected to two hours of brutal physical attacks as part of his fiery baptism into the fraternity.
College Basketball Player Has Shot Nothing But 3-Pointers All Season, Is A Hero
Meet redshirt senior Max Hooper of Oakland University (Michigan, not California). First off, incredible name. You don’t stock shelves at the local Piggly Wiggly with a name like Max Hooper. Max Hooper is dribbling a basketball before he takes his first steps. Max Hooper’s dad doesn’t let him in for dinner until he’s done shooting five-hundred free throws on a rusted backboard above the garage. If that buzzcut on such a goofy egg head doesn’t scream coach’s son, I don’t know what does.
Texas Walk-Ons Make Nickleback Spoof To Officially Kill What’s Left Of Longhorns Football
As a Mizzou guy, I’m jazzed up for the Texas Bowl and ramping up my hate for those scrubs in burnt orange and white. There’s this arrogance about Longhorn players, fans, officials, groundskeepers, parking lot attendants, and every Austin resident that is just not warranted by their performance on the field these past few seasons. So yeah, I’ll gladly admit that I take great pleasure in the downfall of this traditional blue blood program.
Dom Mazzetti On Eating Chicken Without Wanting To Kill Yourself
"You have to trick your mind into accepting as much spongy chicken as possible, before your jaw locks up and refuses to take another bite."
Every State Ranked By Their Most Important Invention
Are you familiar with MidAmerica Nazarene University? Me neither. It sounds like one of those for profit institutions for those winners in their late 30s that haven’t locked down that elusive GED but still want to get into the high demand field of massage therapy. I can’t confirm that as factual information but they did recently published a list of the most impactful American inventions by state and it conveniently came across my Twitter feed.
Laundry List Of Drugs Found In Kappa Sigma House
Well, if there was any question as to who the party house is/was on the Tulane University campus, it was reaffirmed this past Friday by two Kappa Sigma brothers and a little help from the Louisiana State Police. If you do the math, which I’m sure some of you will understand without me showing my arithmetic, that’s a potential 535 ecstasy pills.
Try-Hard Of The Year Wants To Work For Us - Should We Hire Him?
Grandex recently announced the position opening for Office Manager. The full-time position requires the hired candidate to join our team at our Headquarters in Austin. Suffice it to say, we’ll be spending a lot of time with this person. Since the announcement, we’ve received plenty of résumés and cover letters from worthy and qualified candidates. None of the candidates, however, are as qualified as this guy. He has skills. Lots of them. He has skills. “Out. The.
Potentially Coked-Out Zoologist Explains Who Would Win NCAA Tourney If Teams Were Their Mascots
Ron Magill, an American wildlife expert from Zoo Miami, recently went on ESPN to give his thoughts on who would win a few select NCAA tournament matchups, as well as which school has the best odds of winning the tourney, if, instead of basketball squads, teams were their animal mascots. Magill also, from the looks of it, may be on a potentially disastrous dosage of high quality stimulants. I don’t want whatever Magill’s on, I need it. Deer antler spray? Hedgehog semen? Manatee blood?
This Guy Suuuuuuucks
The viral video of the day is of a guy named Adam Saleh (on the right in the above picture) and his buddy “Slim,” who were booted from an international Delta flight for, if you believe Adam’s account of what happened, simply “speaking Arabic.” According to him, he called his mother after boarding the plane and spoke to her for about 10 seconds on the phone, hung up, then continued speaking to his friend. All in Arabic.
The Internet Obliterated Us For Posting A “Shark Shotgun” Video
Hello, fine people of the internet. We have recently come under fire due to a polarizing video we posted on Instagram and Twitter, and I want to talk about it. Start a dialogue. One guy, who quote tweeted our post while ripping the main guy in the video and suggesting that he kill himself, pulled in over 82,000 re-tweets. Tomi Lahren even chimed in, saying the video made her sick. Multiple news outlets picked it up, too. Here’s one. Here’s another. And another.
Can’t Make It In Male Athletics? Identify As A Chick And Dominate Like This Alaskan Teen
A flood of controversy has stirred over in the Alaska high school women’s track and field community over the last week. After smoking girls and leaving her female competition in the dust throughout the season, a male-to-female transgender student received all-state honors. Senior Nattaphon “Ice” Wangyot from Haines High School finished 5th in the 100 meter dash and 3rd in the 200 meter dash during the state championship meet.
Texas FIJI Forgot That You Probably Shouldn’t Have A “Border Patrol” Theme Party
It looks like we can add another page to the “bad ideas” notebook. With such a plethora of inappropriate and sexually explicit themes available for parties, there isn’t a need to enter into the realm of race-themed parties. Sure, you can always slightly work around it by claiming your party is border patrol-themed, but we’re still at the mercy of the social justice warriors. So, don’t do that.
This Tape Of Donald Trump Saying He Grabs Women “By The Pussy” Isn’t All That Surprising
A late Friday afternoon news dump by the Washington Post shows Donald Trump mic’d up in 2005 on the set of “Days of our Lives” and conversing exactly how you’d expect The Don to sound like in the comfort of a private conversation amongst friends. It goes without saying, but Trump has some rather non-presidential quotes. This is definitely going to ruffle some feathers amongst most media outlets, but none of the things said by Trump are particularly shocking. I take that back.
Lil Dicky Roasts Nick Cannon On Wild ‘N Out, Cannon Responds With Cheap Shot Comeback
TFM’s favorite rapper, Lil Dicky, recently was the special guest on an episode of MTV’s Wild ‘N Out. Yes, your second favorite MTV diss show from 2006 (behind Yo Momma, obviously) is apparently still on the air. And, unlike its host, Nick Cannon, who was tossed to the curb by Mariah Carey early last year, it appears as if the show is still able to attract big names — like L.D. Did you like that diss? Just getting into the spirit over here.
Tennessee Student Accidentally Puts Porn Star’s Name On Quiz, Professor Gives Him 0 For Sexual Harrassment
Keaton Wahlbon is a student at the University of Tennessee who doesn’t remember the names of his TAs, just like the rest of America. Keaton had a geology quiz with Professor Bill Deane and one of the questions on the quiz was “what is your lab instructor’s name? (if you don’t remember, make something good up).” Since Keaton didn’t remember, he put down the first generic girl name he could think of, which was Sarah Jackson.
USA Fan Taunts Rory McIlroy For Missing Putt, Henrik Stenson Challenges Him To Make It Himself, He Drains It
You just clowned on Rory McIlroy for missing a ten-footer during a practice round at Hazeltine the day before Ryder Cup. Henrik Stenson then approaches you in the crowd, pulls you onto the green, hands you a putter, and says he has a crisp $100 bill if you can sink the same putt Rory just missed. Do you have the stones to drain it right in front of the European team’s faces and collect? One man in a red pullover found himself in that very unlikely scenario, and answered the call like a champ.
Whack Job Preacher “Brother Dean” Arrested After Allegedly Spartan Kicking Girl At The University Of Arizona
Most campuses have at least one crazy preacher shouting fire and brimstone at students as they walk to class. But the religious zealot at the University of Arizona is on another level. The preacher known as “Brother Dean” was arrested and charged with assault at around 12:30 p.m. on Tuesday for allegedly kicking a female student in the chest. Dean Frederick Saxton made national headlines in 2013 for his stance on yoga pants — namely that if a woman wears them, she deserves to be raped. Wait.
Mizzou Researchers Blinded Six Adorable Puppies And Then Killed Them For Science
I thought last year was pretty horrendous for Mizzou, but apparently we haven’t reached rock bottom quite yet. As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, Mizzou had been off the radar for a bit this summer — a good and much-needed thing for the university. But it appears my friends from CoMo are back with a vengeance.
23 Years Ago Today, Nolan Ryan Beat Robin Ventura To A Pulp
On this date 23 years ago, the Texas Rangers’ Nolan Ryan hit Robin Ventura of the Chicago White Sox in the back with a pitch. While Chicago might lead the country in homicides year after year, they don’t stand a chance against Texas when it comes to hand-to-hand combat. At the time, Ryan was 46 and Ventura was 26. After being hit in the back with a Ryan Express fastball, I can understand why Ventura thought he might have an edge on someone 20 years his elder and charged the mound. Big mistake.
Millennials Are Embracing “Anti-Sexual” Trends, Actually Just Can’t Get Laid
Studies are showing that members of the Millennial generation are having less sex than their parents did. The reasons why are a bit puzzling. Recent research also shows that overall, millennials — people born between the early 1980s and 2000 — have fewer sexual partners than the baby boomers and those in Generation X, the cohort that immediately preceded millennials.
J.J. Watt Is Clearly Not Dedicated To Football Anymore, Picks Golf Over The Gym
Houston Texans fans should be seriously concerned with their All-Pro defensive end, J.J. Watt, who clearly has checked out of football altogether. Not only has the three time NFL defensive player of the year not posted an Instagram gym selfie or box jump video in over a month, he’s now in full vacation mode — hitting the links in favor of the weights.
Dancing Cry Baby Cam Newton Should Learn From Gracious Northern Iowa Basketball
Toughness. Courage. Grit. That’s what the Northern Iowa Panthers showed us last night. Yes, they looked like a clumsy YMCA team of toddlers who have yet to master basic motor functions, stumbling over their own two feet while trying to break Texas A&M’s full-court press.
BuzzFeed Columnist Tells Girls To Stay Away From SAE At University of Florida
Everybody knows that pictures are the most compelling form of media, right? That is why, in an attempt to increase TFM’s traffic, I proposed “Dick Pic Fail Friday.” It is essentially just a bunch of pictures of dicks that people get sent that didn’t seem quite right. Maybe they were small, maybe they were awkwardly tilted, maybe they were from their own dad on accident because their first name starts with the same letter their dad’s secretary’s name starts with. I don’t know.
BREAKING: Miami University To Cease Pledge Process After Numerous Pledge Incidents
A flood of emails are coming in from Miami University, all with the same narrative that IFC has sent out a mandate after a presidents meeting that every fraternity on campus must initiate their pledges by Sunday or face a lengthy, multiple-year suspension. One of those emails is below. Some news that literally just broke a few hours ago: MIAMI UNIVERSITY HAS MANDATED THAT ALL FRATERNITIES IMMEDIATELY CEASE THE PLEDGING PROCESS. All new pledges must be initiated by Sunday night.
We’re Giving Away Stuff Signed By Phil Mickelson All Week
The 2014 U.S. Open Championship at Pinehurst is just days away, and to celebrate, we’ve teamed up with Callaway Golf to give you the opportunity to win awesome prizes. When I say “awesome prizes,” I don’t mean lollipops or stickers for your laptop; I mean badass shit signed by Phil Mickelson.
Video Leaks Allegedly Showing Mizzou QB Maty Mauk Railing A Gator Tail
It’s been the day of leaked videos in the SEC. Earlier, we shared the news of a leaked video allegedly showing an Arkansas professor fornicating with an alleged student on his desk. Now, Maty Mauck, the likely soon-to-be former Mizzou quarterback, is allegedly seen snorting a line of coke in a new leaked video, before letting out a primal post-snort yell.
SAE Social Chair’s Failed Inspirational Email To Brothers Who Are Unsuccessful With Women
We received a tip from an SAE who wanted to share the inspirational words of his fellow fraternity brother for guys in the house who were down on their luck with the ladies. Apparently, members are simply not putting themselves out there enough and girls at school have no idea who they are. Just zero campus presence. The first step to playing the game is checking yourselves in, players.
Illinois Fraternity Guy Creates Great Video To Ask Hottie Abigail Ratchford To Formal
By now, the whole using YouTube to ask a celebrity to any kind of event is sort of played out. Just last year, we had this one guy create a short video to ask out Taylor Swift to formal. Pretty sure she never even saw it. But, I’m all about playing wing man and when there’s a desperate situation you bring in the best in the business, the Goose of helping friends get laid, if you will. When I came across this video, I knew I had to get it out there to Abigail.
Rocky IV Gets The “30 For 30” Treatment, Balboa-Drago Fight Ends The Cold War
Wait, this didn't happen? My childhood was a lie.
Apparently You Can Email Jeb Bush And He Will Directly Respond In No Time
Presidential candidate and Rowdy Gentleman enthusiast Jeb Bush is struggling in the polls, but that doesn’t mean he has run out of campaign tactics, yet. Earlier today, Bush promised a group of schoolchildren in New Hampshire that if they emailed him directly at jeb@jeb2016.com, he would respond to each of their questions. Well, word got out about this little stunt and Jeb was inundated with emails. Luckily for us, he still decided to respond.
Delta Chi Confirms Members Were Involved In Fatal Shooting At Northern Arizona University
Delta Chi international headquarters have confirmed that members of its Northern Arizona University chapter were involved in a shooting earlier this morning that killed one person and wounded three others. According to police, shortly after 1 a.m. this morning, two separate student groups got into a confrontation in a parking lot outside Mountain View Hall dormitory. It turned physical, and 18-year-old freshman Steven Jones pulled out and used a handgun on four students.
Watch Newly-Suspended Indiana ATO’s President Praise His Chapter For Always “Doing The Right Thing”
If you haven’t heard yet, ATO at the University of Indiana was suspended last night after a video of an alleged pledge going down on a stripper went viral. Here’s a video shot back in April where ATO’s sophomore president, Tommy Paslaski, talks about the fraternity’s troubled past and how the current chapter has struggled to overcome that bad reputation. “Our ability to… to look at something, and take… make the best of a bad situation is just something… it gives me hope.
City Takes Pet Goat From USC Fraternity, Brothers Stage Protest On State Capitol To Get Him Back
A few weeks ago, a group of fraternity brothers at the University of South Carolina woke up and decided they wanted a goat. After a five-minute discussion, they pulled up Craigslist, found an ad for a goat, and drove two hours into the country to buy him. They returned with Dalebert. “We thought he was going to be a tiny ass goat, turned out it was just a full blown legit fucking goat that screams like a child being murdered,” one brother told TFM.
Big Fan Of This Guy At The University Of Illinois Who Purposely Dresses Like Kim Jong-un
The University of Illinois is a fine institution of higher learning, filled with some of the brightest minds Chicagoans have ever produced. People from cities in Illinois not named Chicago are welcome to attend UIUC, too, I guess. Whatever. If the state mandates it, I’m sure it’s fine. One student, nicknamed the “Supreme Leader,” has taken his campus by storm. His name is not known, but from the information available on this Reddit post, he is clearly a popular figure in Champaign.
These Are The Best Universities For Tailgating, Rush Week, And Partying
Students for years have been debating over whose school is better. It’s a never-ending dick measuring contest over which school parties the hardest, has the best tailgates, or the best Greek scene. I’ve actually done a lot of my own research on these subjects. However, I decided to sit this one out so Tilt could tell you which schools do it best. Tilt, an app that Greeks across the nation are using to send money to each other, decided to do a little digging into the stats.
Sigma Nu At Old Dominion Make Hilarious Welcome Week Sign, Fraternity Activities Suspended
It turns out that the culprits were members of Sigma Nu. In response to the banner investigation, Sigma Nu has suspended fraternity activities. In a statement Monday, Beacham said activities of the Eta Chi Chapter are suspended pending completion of an investigation. “The Fraternity condemns the derogatory and demeaning language used on the banners. Such language has no place in our Fraternity or within any caring community, such as that of ODU,” Beacham said.
Fraternity Alum Writes List Of 10 Reasons Why Freshman Shouldn’t Join A Fraternity, They’re Terrible
Attacking our choice in clothing is one thing, liberal media, but when you attack our way of life, you better have some damn good points to back your attack up. ATO alum Ian Servantes does not make good points. Servantes’ “10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Join a Fraternity, From a Fraternity Alum” is actually an old piece. You wouldn’t know that from looking at its timestamp, though, because Complex, for some reason, decided to republish it instead of just pushing the old link.
UCF Sigma Nu Suspended After “Let’s Rape Some Bitches” Video Leaks
Sigma Nu at the University of Central Florida has been put on emergency suspension after school officials obtained a video of a member repeatedly dropping hard r-bombs after returning home from a night out drinking back in June. According to UCF records, the video allegedly shows a member of Sigma Nu screaming “Let’s rape some bitches [expletive redacted], rape some sluts.” For our own interest, it’s probably best if we just cut the word “rape” out of our every day lexicon.
Republicans Propose Bill To Protect Fraternities, Ensure Due Process Rights
A bill was introduced to congress Wednesday by Republicans that would ban universities from forcing fraternities to go co-ed, and would strengthen the due process rights for both students and Greek organizations alike. The legislation proposed would prevent campus investigations into sexual assault until the victim reports allegations to law enforcement, as well.
I’m A Guy And I Was Raped By A Girl
I was raped in college. At the time I was a 6’1″, 235-pound rugby player, and would then and now be aptly described as “a red-blooded male.” To be more accurate, I was raped before college, during my pre-orientation visit over the summer.
Mizzou Proposing Insane Rules That Will Kill Greek Life AND Endanger Its Students
“Are you guys going to see the magician?” This question wasn’t asked of me at a grade school carnival or a child’s birthday party. It wasn’t even in reference to if I was going to go buy drugs from an eccentric dealer who wore a top hat and kept numerous white rabbits as pets (this would have been the best possible meaning of the question).
Study Finds 74% Of Women Prefer Dad Bodies Over Six-Packs, 96% Think Guys With Abs Are Douche Bags
Big win here for the common man. I could not have predicted that 74 percent of women prefer out-of-shape guys to ripped guys. I am not at all surprised, however, that the VAST majority of women think guys with visible abs are d-bags. Simple logic validates this concept, in my opinion. I’ve been telling anyone who will listen that about 90 percent of guys with six-packs have unbearable personalities and live unfulfilling lives.
Texas State Delt Gets Drunk, Confused, Takes $1,240 Taxi From New Orleans To San Marcos, Flies Back
I’m always a little apprehensive giving away too many details in a headline like I do here, because the reader will sometimes feel they don’t need to click on the story to get the full gist of it. I had to this time, though, because the details are too good.
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