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Articles by Dori Hartley
6 Brutal Truths Women In Their 40s Want Women In Their 30s To Know
Every time we consider the idea of brutal truths, one of the first things we think of is Jack Nicholson delivering that line from A Few Good Men: "You can't handle the truth!" So, what is it about the truth that's so intolerably terrifying? Why can we not handle it? Are we so cemented to our illusions of truth that we're brought to tears over the idea that there may be more to the story?
My Roomate, The Kleptomaniac
There are horrible roommates, and then there was our disaster. By Dori Hartley Last updated on Apr 14, 2024 Photo: Engin Akyurt, Get Lost Mike | Canva The first time I met Knife Eye, I was sitting in a fish and chips shop with my friend, Lucien. Just in case the idea of a fish and chips shop conjures up something British and quaint in your mind, let me assure you, Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips on Sixth Avenue in Greenwich Village was the furthest thing possible from charming and English.
How I Finally, Blissfully Realized I Was An Asexual Lesbian In My 60s
I wish I was able to go back in time and spend my whole life loving women. By Dori Hartley Last updated on Apr 14, 2024 Photo: Courtesy Of Author If there is one regret that I have as a later-in-life lesbian, it's that I didn't pursue my love of women when I had an actual physical drive. I have lived my life as a heterosexual woman, and the funny thing was — I never really liked or related to the title.
How I Live In An Unforgiving World That No Longer Finds Me 'Hot'
I'm aging, and I'm just as beautiful as I was in my youth. By Dori Hartley Written on Apr 13, 2024 Photo: AnnaStills | Canva It seemed only a few years ago that I attended my stepmom's 50th birthday party. I remember how cool she was with all of her kicky, nutty friends, all guzzling champagne and prancing around like Bianca Jagger clones. I remember being the young one, the 30-year-old, the unmarried, child-free punk sporting platinum spiked hair and clad in a man's tux.
How Moving Cross-Country (Alone!) Completely Saved My Life
I was born a Northerner, acclimated to the Northeast, and always one with my environment. I loved it. I lived, thrived, pulsated, and exuded life force. That was me, and because of that, I always knew myself as some kind of unstoppable force of nature, a superpower in my mind. My city, suburbs, schools, theaters, stores, nightlife, world — they fed me the power I needed. New York City, Upstate, the Tri-State Area — this is what gave me my electric current and I was an electric vampire.
I'm A Silent Monk Who's Finally Revealing My Secret To Serenity
I rarely talk. I am extremely comfortable going for days, even weeks without ushering a word. I will talk on occasion, and I do speak with my roommates ... but rarely, and only to share minimal amounts of information because the truth of it all is that I'm a silent person, and I adore my little non-verbal world. I won't get on the phone to make chit-chat, nor will I get on Zoom meetings to catch up with old friends.
No, I'm Not Asexual - I Just Don't Like Sex, Period
With a world obsessed with how many people are sleeping together, here's how one woman is happy to go without it. By Dori Hartley Last updated on Apr 11, 2024 Photo: Kseniia Perminova | Canva I have a friend who claims to be asexual. Asexual is a word that, to me, suggests a single-celled organism. Isn’t an asexual a creature who divides in two — or some kind of dual-gendered seahorse who fertilizes and carries his/her offspring to term?
Mom Of 11 Children Reveals Tiny Secret To Raising Happy Kids
An amazing mother with love that knows no limits. By Dori Hartley Last updated on Apr 11, 2024 Elaine DePrince thought her family was done with adopting. She and her husband, Charles, had five boys: two biological sons and three special-needs sons adopted from overseas. Despite the adopted boys’ hemophilia, the family was an active bunch, backpacking and camping all over the US and Canada. Elaine was a doting mother. She carried clotting factor, a hemophilia treatment, wherever they traveled.
I Flirted With Everybody To Convince Myself I Needed Nobody
Before the year 2001, I was a happy, healthy, married mother of a 3-year-old. I was the sum of every good thing that got me to that place, and it was a very good place. My art business was flourishing, my music was selling, and my career as a writer looked promising. Having been popular all my life, I had many friends, even fans. Life was good and in my little corner, I was Queen of the World. I was loved, respected, and in some circles, honored. After my cancer diagnosis, everything went downhill.
How One Man's Grisly Lies To Multiple Women Came Back To Destroy Him
To write one's thoughts down after the fact, after the healing has taken place after the lies have all been exposed and the initial sting of the break-up has faded into nothingness ... is a good thing. To take a step back and view the failed past with clarity and less seriousness is not only a liberating experience, but one filled with laughter and a brilliant sense of clarity, and in this case: divine justice.
My Abusive Mother Hated Me And Broke Me Down My Entire Life
Can words hurt? Can a carefully crafted insult hurt a person ... or is there something much more profound going on? Verbal abuse intends to maim, damage, and ruin a person through the use of words, but rarely does the abuser take into consideration what this kind of behavior reveals about their state of being. Because, in truth, the words are just words — it's the intention behind those words that is the real insult. Just the idea that someone desires to cause such pain, well, it says so much.
What It's Like To Be Polyamorous ... With Your Best Friend
Life gets a lot better once you stop holding people to unrealistic standards. By Dori Hartley Last updated on Apr 11, 2024 Photo: Courtesy of Author Generally, I'm a fairly easygoing person. My life has taught me it's best to expect less of the people I love than to set my ideals so high that they cannot be met.
I'd Rather Be Broke Than Slave Away At A Soul-Sucking 9-5 Job
Usually around this time of year, I tend to reflect on the months past to sort out what went wrong or right, what I learned, and what lessons might stand out to give me new fuel for the next fire. I don't know how it's possible, but I always end up saying something like, "This has been the most incredible year so far," no matter how great or heinous it was.
How A Lifetime of Loving My Best Friend Resulted In Two Happy Soulmates Living Together
In 1978, I stood on the ledge of a balcony with a bright flashlight pointed at me, above an audience of unwitting movie-goers who'd come to see the midnight flick, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was just something fun to do, though word had gotten around that the fun was starting to take shape as crazy young people running around in their underwear.
The Greatest Love Of My Life Turned Out To Be A Con Artist
Once upon a time, there was a lonely woman named Teresa Carter who lived in a small town in Southeastern Kentucky. She was an imaginative person and not without a brain; however, she was burdened to no end by her insufferable laziness. While she dreamt of a life beyond the confines of her immediate territory, she loathed performing tasks others did to keep up: work, having a job, and maintaining an income.
Confessions Of A Cougar: Why I'll Only Date Men Half My Age
There are no strings attached. By Dori Hartley Last updated on Apr 10, 2024 Photo: Dmytro Zinkevych | Shutterstock I'm not what you'd call an incredibly sexual person. Not anymore, anyway. I'm still interested, mind you. I have very specific preferences. I'm in my fifties now (and hopefully wiser for the wear), so I no longer have the enthusiastic energy of a younger woman. When I was young and hungry, the world was my playground. I was out to conquer and be conquered. Age puts perspective on things.
My Dating Profile Is Brutally Honest And Nobody Will Date Me
I've spoken with many single women about the topic of finding a mate through an online dating profile, and all of us, myself included, flinch at the idea. However, that hasn't stopped us from dipping a toe into the pool even though we see the pool as beneath us and more than likely filled with gamey, weird, and predictably shady results.
Why Women Seek Other Women (Not Men!) As Life Partners As They Age
One of the most convenient words today is "partner." When used in the context of gay marriage, it removes the awkwardness of having to use heterosexual terms, such as wife or husband. And while wife and wife, and husband and husband, are valid, those terms are based in a heterosexual world and may not have the same appeal to a gay couple. Or, maybe they do.
My Rape Unexpectedly Turned Me Into A Teenage Sex Symbol
Only a few short days before my high school prom, I underwent a life-changing experience: I was repeatedly raped and beaten by someone I knew. My parents, who were self-involved at the time, had split up and moved into separate apartments that didn't have enough room for "the kids." So my brother and I scrambled for lodging wherever we could get it.
I'm Not Broken: Please Stop Kissing My Mastectomy Scars
I'm not some fragile woman who needs your heroic touch. By Dori Hartley Last updated on Jan 07, 2024 Photo: Focus and Blur | Shutterstock I don't know how it happened or where it started, but we've become this race of weirdoes who can't tell if we want to condemn a person because of their looks or worship them for the very same reasons. Case in point: The Kiss My Mastectomy Scars Club.
The Real Reason Why So Many Women Are Filled With Rage
By this point, we should all be able to acknowledge the fact that something has always been criminal — karmically — wrong with the treatment, anthropological programming, and oppression of women and girls throughout history. We've heard new testimonies of abuse, and we've seen the #Metoo movement become a thing, which is just another of the sensitive cherries on the top of the molten lava cake known as women's rage.
I Never Censor Myself In Front Of My Kid Because Children Deserve Truth
The other day, a new friend of mine (a wonderful lady) made a comment to me about what she thought my life was like. She admired what she believed to be my lifestyle, and told me, "You live life out loud." Being a snob of words, I thought it was a corny description, but nonetheless nodded my agreement and not without gratitude. And, as it always goes with my interpretations of what people think of me, I tend to analyze what they say in order to find kernels of truth.
Losing My Breasts Forced To Me Learn Emotional Vulnerability
Ever wonder why we're all so crazy about breasts? Because they're so desirable, that's why. This is a reality that every woman who's undergone a mastectomy deals with each day. Society's love affair with breasts is a daily reminder that our quest for self-confidence is going to be a bit more circuitous than other women's.
The Secret Fantasy Life Of A Sexual Assault Victim
Before cell phones and wireless landlines, home phones came with long, curly cords — the kind still found in offices today, only longer and available in an icky range of pastel colors. When I was 16 years old, I had the misfortune of having one of these cords wrapped several times around my neck in an attempt to subdue and prevent me from screaming. It worked.
Confessions Of A Mad Blurter: How Craig Ferguson's Words Helped Me Find Discretion
This is about my struggle with telling the truth. I tend to actually be too truthful. In fact, I have no filters, nor do I think before I speak. I just blurt, because, for some reason, I really think I have something valuable to say. I am, of course, wrong.
I Make Creepy-Beautiful Dolls For A Living, But I Swear I'm Not A Psycho Killer
I love to make dolls. I love to call myself a doll-maker, or a dulmacher because that name reminds me of Batman and dark mad scientists, like myself. I haven't made that many dolls in my life, but I have made them all my life, starting when I was very, very young. When I show them to people, everyone always asks the same thing, and with the same mysterious quiver in their voice. "Why?
Why Your Addiction To Hate Is Turning You Into A Monster (And How To Quit)
What happened to us? Yes, us — human beings. Where did we go wrong? Because it doesn't take much to know that something is very wrong with us, what with how we hate so fervently, at every chance we get. Why do we hate so much? How did we turn into the species that brought hate to the planet on a daily basis? We could say that the past few years in politics really brought out the worst in us ... but that would be softening the reality of it.
Why Are We Still Letting The Church Tell Us How And Who We Can Love?
Once again, the Catholic Church has let its people down. The Pope has, once again, dashed the hopes of LGBTQ+ people and their loved ones around the globe, saying it won't bless same-sex marriages. That is, of course, if you consider those who fall within the LGBTQ+ spectrum to be fully equal people. The painful truth is, you may not. After all, it's easier to discriminate against somebody if you dehumanize them first.
Cool, Weird Kids Like Me Wouldn't Exist Without David Bowie
Editor's Note: This article was originally posted in January 2016. David Bowie is dead. How is this possible? Weren't we only a few days ago celebrating his birth? Weren't we only a few days before that enjoying the release of two amazing new videos: "Blackstar" and "Lazarus"? We've always been starved for Bowie music and imagery but we always respected his need to deliver his brilliance his way, at his pace. His timing on this one was impeccable, to say the least.
Today Cuomo, Tomorrow The World: Why Men Should Fear Women In Today's Society
One of the first things that comes up in people's minds whenever a famous man in power has been confronted by a disgruntled woman who claims she's been sexually harassed by him and wants to take him all the way down is this question: Is that fair? Does the punishment meet the crime, meaning ...
My Own Abusive Mother Hated Me And Broke Me Down For My Entire Life
Can words really hurt? Can a carefully crafted insult really hurt a person ... or is there something much more profound going on? Verbal abuse intends to maim, damage, and ruin a person through the use of words, but rarely does the abuser take into consideration what this kind of behavior reveals about their own state of being. Because, in truth, the words are just words — it's the intention behind those words that is the real insult.
I'm A Silent Non-Religious Monk And I'm Finally Revealing My Secret To Serenity
I rarely talk. I am extremely comfortable going for days, even weeks without ushering a word. I will talk on occasion, and I do speak with my roommates ... but rarely, and only to share minimal amounts of information because the truth of it all is that I'm a silent person, and I really adore my little non-verbal world. I won't get on the phone to make chit-chat, nor will I get on Zoom meetings to catch up with old friends.
No, I'm Not Asexual Or Menopausal — I Just Don't Like Sex, Period.
I have a friend who claims to be an asexual. Asexual is a word that, to me, suggests a single-celled organism. Isn’t an asexual a creature who divides in two — or some kind of dual-gendered seahorse who fertilizes and carries his/her offspring to term? So I asked her what she meant by this claim and she said, “Well, I just don’t partake in sexual activity.” It seemed simple enough, yet I still couldn’t quite grasp this seemingly unnatural lack of sex-drive. “Ah,” I said.
When Karma Hits: How One Man's Grisly Lies To Several Women Came Back To Destroy Him
To write one's thoughts down after the fact, after the healing has taken place, after the lies have all been exposed and the initial sting of the break-up has faded into nothingness ...is a good thing. To take a step back and view the failed past with clarity and less seriousness is not only a liberating experience, but one filled with laughter and a brilliant sense of clarity, and in this case: divine justice.
Embracing The 'Invisible Woman': How I Learned To Age & Stay Sexy In A World That No Longer Finds Me 'Hot'
It seemed only a few years ago that I attended my stepmom's 50th birthday party. I remember how cool she was with all of her kicky, nutty friends, all guzzling champagne and prancing around like Bianca Jagger clones. I remember being the young one, the 30-year-old, the unmarried, child-free punk sporting platinum spiked hair and clad in a man's tux. I was in awe of these women.
I'm Single On Purpose -And That's Not A Condition That Needs Curing
I can't even begin to count the number of times people have said to me, "Dori, you need a boyfriend," after learning that I'm single. What's worse is their reaction when I don't chime in with a disgruntled, "Don't I know it!" I easily accept the reality of my relationship status — single — and this seems to perplex people.
Parents: Stop Projecting Your Version Of Happiness Onto Your Kids
The general picture we have in our heads of the teenage kid who is plugged into his or her phone — who walks into signposts and oncoming traffic — is now apparently the only way we choose to think of kids. We no longer see kids as the future, not unless we can pin a rotten forecast on to them for ruining life as we know it.
Limitless Love: A Mother Of Eleven Tells Her Extraordinary Tale
Elaine DePrince thought her family was done with adopting. She and her husband, Charles, had five boys: two biological sons and three special-needs sons adopted from overseas. Despite the adopted boys’ hemophilia, the family was an active bunch, backpacking and camping all over the US and Canada. Elaine was a doting mother. She carried clotting factor, a treatment for hemophilia, wherever they traveled.
Have Kids Or Don't - But Don't Let The Internet Decide For You
Please tell me — is there anything more anal retentive than those who allow the billion bloggers of the internet to influence them to such a degree that they actually believe having a child is not only a terrible thing but a heinous experience that they would never ever want for themselves? This "fear of having children" trend is exactly that: a trend that can be processed in any number of ways, but most importantly — not by experience.
Misandry And The Modern Woman: How Hatred Can Heal A Lifetime Of Misogyny
Misogyny. We know that word so well. We live in a misogynistic world. Women are hated, and we women hate being hated, yet — we still live with it. We still allow it. We still only fight it half way, and it's hard to successfully fight fire with fear and obeisance. And then there's misandry. What is misandry? By definition: hatred, dislike, or mistrust of men. Misandry is not the opposite of misogyny.
I Never Censor Myself In Front Of My Kid Because Kids Deserve Truth
The other day, a new friend of mine (a wonderful lady) made a comment to me about what she thought my life was like. She admired what she believed to be my lifestyle, and told me, "You live life out loud." Being a snob of words, I thought it was a corny description, but nonetheless nodded my agreement and not without gratitude. And, as it always goes with my interpretations of what people think of me, I tend to analyze what they say in order to find kernels of truth.
Parents: Your Child Is A Person, Not An Accessory To Be Flaunted
We parents talk a good game, don't we? With our demands and expectations and all the other standards we put on our kids, we get it into our heads that by virtue of having a child, we're somehow elevated to being true and veritable authority figures. We take that word "authority" oh so seriously, in spite of the fact that before we were parents we didn't know diddly-squat about raising children, or teaching them how to live in a world we ourselves don't understand. So what is being a parent?
Sorry, But I'm Not Sorry That My Fat Body Offends You
I'm one of those folks who has the "tendency." Meaning that somewhere beneath this sleek façade of semi-chubbiness, there's a true fatty waiting to let loose on the world, wobbles and all. Oh, there are many like me in the world, and life with us is all about fluctuation. Now, when I say fluctuation, you probably imagine I'm talking about gaining and losing pounds. But that's not what I mean. What I really mean by fluctuation is that our sense of caring what we look like goes on and off.
I'd Rather Be Broke Than Slave Away At A Soul-Sucking 9-5 Job
Usually around this time of year, I tend to reflect back on the months past to sort out what went wrong or right, what I learned, and what lessons might stand out to give me new fuel for the next fire. I don't know how it's possible, but I always end up saying something like, "This has been the most incredible year so far," no matter how great or heinous it was.
The Art Of Being Yourself (Hint: It's Not An Art)
As I sat down to write this, I kept thinking, "The art, the art of being myself ... what makes being myself an art?" I pressed for the answer. The truth is: there is no art. I'm just myself. It's not a practice, nor is it conscious. There's no art to being one's self; in fact, thinking of it as an art is a little pretentious. You can't practice being yourself; you have to just be it.
FYI: Feminism Is A Reaction To Men, Not An Original Standpoint
I always had this idea in my mind that the strongest version of me would be the "me" that isn’t a reaction of another person or idea. But that notion is very hard when live in a singular fashion while the world around us is dualistic in nature. I remember when feminism became a thing. I watched the manifesto formulate and disperse; I watched as more and more women took hold of the idea that they were not second-rate citizens nor were they second to anything.
It Was An Honor To Watch The Beautiful, Transcendent Death Of My Cat
Two days ago my 13-year-old cat, Sugar, died in my arms, and there is no way on earth that I could have predicted the experience that followed. It was transcendent. This is not a story about memories, good times and cute cat anecdotes; it's a story about duality, doorways and the beauty of death at the moment life leaves it. Three days prior to Sugar's death, I predicted she would be leaving. It's just the way it's always been with my cats.
Being 'Cool' Is Making Us All Idiots
Imagine being the coolest cat in the world. According to you, it’s all groovy, baby. You know who you are, you’ve got the respect of your peers and, damn, if you share some of that risen superiority on Facebook, they will know and know again just how you are the coolest cat on planet Earth. What they don’t know — what you’ll die before exposing — is that you also like the Bee Gees and floral prints. And Patrick Swayze in Ghost. And a couple of those Pixar movies, whatever. Shhh.
I Flirted With Everybody To Convince Myself I Needed Nobody
Prior to the year 2001, I was a happy, healthy, married mother of a 3-year-old. I was the sum of every good thing that got me to that place, and it was a very good place. My art business was flourishing, my music was selling, and my career as a writer looked promising. Having been popular all my life, I had many friends, even fans. Life was good and in my little corner, I was Queen of the World. I was loved, respected and in some circles, honored. After my cancer diagnosis, everything went downhill.
How I Found Myself As An Artist And Women Through Painting Naked Ladies
I suppose if I’m to describe what it’s like to be liberated by my own erotic art and nude paintings, I’d have to go over three basic ideas with you in order for you to understand just how intense this all is for me: 1. What it’s like to be a woman 2. What it’s like to be an artist 3. What erotic art means to each individual As a woman, I’ve taken the blows — all of ‘em. I’ve seen a lifetime of great and a lifetime of tragic.
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