Writer & creator. Breakups, relationships, personal growth and failures. Life can get messy. Let’s talk about it.
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Articles by Emily Mark
Nepal’s disaster is an urgent wake-up call
World News Now Europe Faces Its Own Gen Z Revolt worldpoliticsreview.com - By: Judah Grunstein • 57m After toppling governments in Sri Lanka, Bangladesh and Nepal, and rattling others in India and Kenya, Gen Z protests seem to have come for Europe. … Natural Sciences 7 hours ago Gecko found on a night hike in Nepal is one of 5 species scientists identified kentucky.com - Aspen Pflughoeft, Irene Wright • 7h Unique creatures, odd animals and new species are discovered across the planet.
Nepal’s disaster is an urgent wake-up call
On 26 August, an avalanche and massive flood swept through Nepal’s Rasuwa district. Thousands of lives were lost, homes were destroyed, roads and energy infrastructure were washed away, and trade and tourism were disrupted. Disaster early-warning systems can succeed — but collective action is needed This catastrophe should not be treated as just another disaster. It is the latest — and worst — in a series of exceptionally massive deluges of rock, ice and debris from mountains.
Nobody Else Like You
A friend once told me - there's nobody else like you, and that's one hell of a gift. I don't remember what we were talking about, and I'm pretty sure we were two margaritas in. But her words carried with me throughout the years, especially in moments where it's easy to shrink and hide. Sometimes being our true, authentic selves feels scary because vulnerability is like standing there naked, for all the world to see.
Finding Love When I Stopped Looking
I used to imagine a life alone. Happy but alone. Content in solo adventures, as single as can be. Doing the things others do, but it would just be me, myself, and I. Of course, I'd never really be alone. There are friends, family, coworkers, and the strangers you meet passing by. But romantically, there would be that void. An empty side of the bed. An unoccupied chair at the table or booth. Or attending events and gatherings as not a plus one. I came to terms with this was how it would be.
One Day, You Won’t Be Here. But Today, You Are.
One Day, You Won’t Be Here. But Today, You Are. My daughter kept sending me random Instagram reels the other night via text. Each reel was about the grief of losing a dog. One caption read- “You’ll miss the things that annoy you”- as their senior fur baby whined by their side, begging for food. That hurts my heart, and I’ll admit I’ve already cried, thinking about my little old lady who will be 13 in October. She’s still ticking and moving, but definitely slower. Reality sinks in.
Reclaiming the Pen and Writing a New Chapter
Reclaiming the Pen and Writing a New Chapter It’s funny how everything can change. One small revision to your chapter and boom, you’re in a whole new story. Sometimes you see it coming, many times you don’t. The element of surprise is what keeps us on our toes, right? Nothing ever stays the same; that is a fact. Some change is welcomed; others have us questioning why. The seasons can be unpredictable, like the weather.
I Threatened Him With Divorce but He Beat Me To It
I can laugh about it now. These days, I don’t think or talk much about my divorce. But for the sake of writing, why not. Let’s humor the blessing in disguise, shall we? Now that I’m well over the shock, denial, bargaining, and all other stages you go through when facing impending doom; I can sit back, relax, and even laugh a little. For context, my divorce was finalized over ten years ago. It certainly wasn’t in the plan to divorce that man. Even though throughout our marriage I did threaten to leave.
I Would Have Begged My Ex to Take Me Back
Member-only story Silly me. Emily Ann Mark · Follow 3 min read · -- Photo by Zulmaury Saavedra on Unsplash It’s over?! You want to break up with me?! What?! Why?! Please, don’t. I need you — - Ok, those weren’t necessarily my words and I didn’t ‘beg’ per se. But my actions confirmed it — I was not ready for the split. Breaking up meant losing someone I ‘loved’. It meant letting go of a dream or the idea of ‘us’.
Making My Way Over The Hill
Member-only story Emily Ann Mark · Follow 2 min read · -- How I feel about being in my forties. Photo by hessam nabavi on Unsplash I don’t know what I expected when I turned forty. All the hype for what? What was this ‘over the hill’ others talked about? And why do I feel like I’m stuck at the bottom rather than over the top? This year I’ll be turning forty-three. And this year I can say it’s finally hit me. In more ways than one. Physically I’m feeling it. The aches and pains. The gray hairs.
How I Feel About Love a Decade Later After Divorce
Member-only story Emily Ann Mark · Follow 2 min read · -- It’s complicated. Photo by Jenny Marvin on Unsplash I love the idea of love. What about it exactly, I don’t know. Just the fact that love makes you feel warm and fuzzy. You know the butterflies you get when you’re on a roller coaster and the ride drops, twists, and turns. That’s the feeling I imagine when you have your first kiss. Or your hands touch for the first time. The innocence of learning about someone new. The possibilities and what ifs.
Yes, I Still Despise Online Dating
Member-only story Single and trying to mingle. Emily Ann Mark · Follow 3 min read · -- (This could be me flirting) Photo by Maia Habegger on Unsplash Not too long ago, I decided it was time to put myself out there and date again. It’s been years since I’ve had a decent relationship or situationship (the guy didn’t want to label us, but I know we were in love, mad love). In this day and age, online dating is all the rage. Convenient and accessible right at your fingertips.
I Think My Doctor Is Cute
But it’s time we stop meeting every year. Emily Ann Mark · Follow 3 min read · -- Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash I sat there in the doctor’s office, anticipating yet another exam. This is the third year in a row that I’ve visited with my OBGYN. He’s pretty cute, and I hate that we have to keep meeting this way. I’m fortunate enough to have caught this pre-cancer condition early. But the anxiety that has my mind wandering through all the what-ifs taunts me.
Returning to a Familiar Place
Some time ago, I deleted my account and left Medim hoping to turn a new page. Between the way the platform was functioning and my own life coming unhinged, running away seemed like a reasonable answer. But here’s the thing — you can run, but you can’t hide. My problems found me, one way or another. To salvage what good was left, I spoon-fed myself positive affirmations that all was well. This mountain I will conquer. I am not my past, my thoughts, my feelings, or what I perceive the world to be.
When Failing Forward Is the Only Way To Go
The morning had come once again. I awoke with a heaviness that clung so tight, I felt I couldn't breathe. A long night's rest made no difference. Even my dreams could not take me away from reality. But what is reality? How do we know what is really real? If I let my mind wander, it would take me to places I could do without. The never-ending story of the wrongs, hurts, and mistakes. All of which have left their scar as a gentle but painful reminder. It didn't used to be this way.
I'm Looking for a Spark and a New Kind Of Passion
I'm searching. Searching for a new kind of passion to spark some life in me. Life can get mundane, and you settle into a norm that slowly eats at you. I don't want to just do. I want to feel incredibly alive. The thing about searching for a spark is sometimes we'll find it where we least expect it; like sitting in the dark. I know you can't have one without the other. Night and day have their roles. You take both the good and bad. We've heard this all before.
Hitting Rock Bottom Is the Beautiful Moment You Realize It's Time to Go up
You can't avoid the inevitable, I told myself. At some point, you have to face the consequences of your actions (or lack of). See for a long time now I've been running. From something. Sure, there were moments of overcoming and feeling like I did good and right. Plenty of breakthroughs and a-ha and great job and high fives. Much to be thankful for and celebrate. But the rock bottom that met me at my darkest hour invites me over more than I like. Or I find my way back to it. Either way, we meet again.
I Went on Another Purge and Deleted Old Stories
By Emily Ann Mark Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash Reflecting on the stories I write; some have met the end of their chapter. We weave experiences into who we are, where we've been, and where we're going. Our history is significant in that it's a part of us. But also trivial because we continue to grow, learn, and evolve.
Remaining Stuck and Stagnant Feels Safe Because What Do I Have to Lose?
Procrastination and anxiety go hand in hand. It's an old friend of mine that's comforting but annoying. I procrastinate on things I don't want to deal with, but I know I'll have to eventually. Therefore increasing the anxiety of all the what ifs and I should have.
See You on the Flip Side
By Emily Ann Mark Photo by Ioana Cristiana on Unsplash Summer is here and my soul feels called to unplug. I've taken breaks from writing before, announcing a hiatus back in October. In February I almost quit for good but thankfully didn't. Since then, I've been habitually typing my thoughts and feelings as I make my way through my third year on Medium. Writing will always be a part of me.
Bad Days Don't Last Forever
By Emily Ann Mark Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash Today started out rough. The wave of annoyance swept over me, pulling me under till I couldn't see. I didn't know which way was up. Suddenly my whole life felt like a lie. My pursuit of peace and happiness seemed out of reach, what's the point? Clear one hurdle only to fumble on the next.
Coming Clean With My Junk Food Addiction
By Emily Ann Mark Photo by mahdi chaghari on Unsplash My food addiction recovery has been a painful one. Admitting I have an imbalanced relationship with my body and food was step one. Formulating a plan to get help was step two. Committing to said plan was, well you guessed it, step three. Here I am, back at step one.
I Thought, I Wrote, I Published and Then I Hit Delete
By Emily Ann Mark Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash My writing voice is going through growing pains and it's painful alright. How I began writing three years ago and what I began writing about is slowly changing. I made the conscious effort to move from the same old same old to bring in brand spanking new.
I Still Have a Lot of Growing up to Do as A Parent
By Emily Ann Mark Photo by Jonatas Domingos on Unsplash I don't know how I got here so fast but here I am. As a parent to now young adults, there's relief mixed with a new wave of concern. They can now leave the nest to spread their wings and fly hence giving me a sense of freedom.
Thank You for the Reminder, but I Am Safe Now
I don't deny that my mind is a breeding ground for anxious and unhelpful thoughts. Naturally, I stew over guilt, regret, and shame. It's easy for me to play over and over again a scenario that I can't physically change. But mentally I know I can work through it. Reframe my perspective and story.
Thoughts and Drafts Come and Go
By Emily Ann Mark Photo by Ahtziri Lagarde on Unsplash There are things I can't go back and change. Or redo and fix. There are things that are just the way they are and it's just the way it is. But that doesn't mean it's the end. I've been running from my past. The errors of my ways hide in the shadows. Pretending they're not there does not make them go away. So until I face...
Finding Your Person When You Aren't Looking
By Emily Ann Mark Photo by Denys Nevozhai on Unsplash I've been hearing more and more stories about those meeting their significant other when they least expect it. They weren't looking. They weren't interested. They said they would never want to remarry or fall in love again. We could call it fate. Or luck.
It's a Good Day to Turn 42
By Emily Ann Mark Another trip around the sun. Photo by Isabella Fischer on Unsplash Another birthday arrived. On a day typically filled with celebration around loved ones, I was inclined to spend it alone for the first time in my life. This is turning 42.
The Love of Your Life Is Not Going to Come Knocking on Your Door
The Love of Your Life Is Not Going to Come Knocking on Your Door Photo by Jed Villejo on Unsplash They say you can’t meet someone sitting at home. You have to get yourself out there. Date. Mingle. The love of your life is not going to come knocking on your door. Sure, makes sense. But hear me out. My new neighbor is a cutie. Exactly when he moved in, I’m not sure. I only…
I Loved Him Once for Reasons I Don’t Understand Now
Moving on after divorce. I recall my divorce being the most excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced. Blindsided with “I don’t love you anymore”, it felt like a near-death experience. My heart stopped. My world ended. Everything that was mine was savagely stripped from me. The person I trusted most, my husband, was gone. Still living and breathing, but the person I knew was no more. Now a decade later, I can say for certain life goes on. The sting no longer stings, itches, or burns.
He Told Me His Heart Was Not Here
He told me his heart was not here. But if it’s not here, then where could it be? I’ll never forget the gut feeling that nagged. My inner intuition telling me something was wrong. We had been fighting more than usual. I could sense the distance growing between us. The bed felt empty even with him by my side. This was like nothing I’d experienced before. There he was — my husband. But he seemed off. Different. Not himself. My girlfriend suggested maybe he was having an affair.
Dipping Your Toes Before Jumping In - On Love
I think about the summers in my parent’s pool. When the water is cold, we want to dive in, but we know it’s going to hurt. The initial shock as the body plunges into the deep, frigid water. It’s mind over matter. Swimming will be the fun reward but first, we must get past the difficult part — letting go and jumping in. That’s how I feel about love. I find myself dipping my toes. Testing the waters. I want to swim so bad, trusting I won’t drown. But the hesitation is there. Logic versus emotions.
Feeling Naked and Exposed When I Write
The tug of war on being here. What prompts you to write the stories? Why do you share what you share? I’ve asked myself this question, more times than I can count. My answers differ depending on my mood. On one hand, I believe in the power of connecting through vulnerability, On the other hand, I really don’t know. And don’t care. Sometimes I hate what I write. I don’t like the stories spun from words I wish didn’t exist. Trauma and painful experiences have had a hand in who I am.
If I Can’t Be Your First, Let Me Be Your Last
If I Can’t Be Your First, Let Me Be Your Last Photo by Nina Hill on Unsplash I won’t be your first your first kiss, your first fight, your first happily ever after your first hello, how do you do, pleasure to meet you I won’t be your first move, take a leap of faith knees shaking, hearts beating, earthquake
Once a Baby, Now an Adult - Navigating a New Season
Once a Baby, Now an Adult — Navigating a New Season Photo by Hello Revival on Unsplash I prayed for this day to come soon enough. It came way too fast. When your children grow up and out, it’s a bittersweet season to weather. One full of excitement as they take their next steps. But also, undoubtedly sad because you miss them.
Do I Just Like the Idea Of Love?
Maybe I don’t want to share the bed. There’s this ongoing dialogue between my head and my heart. It goes something like — the right person is going to love you for who you are and where you’ve been. Patience is a virtue. Just you wait and see. I got married at 18 and was served with divorce at 31. I’m now going on 42 and have not remarried nor found a suitable partner who can hang with me. The longest relationship was 8 months. I say relationship loosely, it was more of a situationship.
Breaking Free From Stagnant Energy
Yesterday I woke up annoyed. Not particularly annoyed at anything or anyone but feeling a bit perturbed. Stagnant energy lingers and I don’t do well when things begin to feel mediocre. Let’s sprinkle some glitter and fairy dust. I want to fly.
Returning to Self and the Freedom to Be Me
Free. This is the word I picked for the year. Since 2019, I’ve been applying one word that would set the tone for the next 365 days to come. 2019- Go 2020- Fierce 2021- Empower 2022- Lead 2023- Thrive 2024- Free Looking back, I can see how each word impacted my life both good and bad. Good because they had positive results. Bad because often the results resulted in some discomfort. Growth can feel chaotic and disruptive. Things fall apart to come together. Lately, I’ve been feeling more free.
My Realistic View On Love
Sometimes I cave and give in to those mushy, gushy feelings they call love. It comes and goes, with no rhyme or reason. When I least expect it, there it is, smack dab in the feels. The older I get, the more logical I become. I don’t expect a romance that you see in the movies but something more realistic. Love is complex. Loving someone is hard. Because in loving someone you love all of them, even the parts that are least desirable. I married young.
His Cheating Made Me Think I Was Crazy
His Cheating Made Me Think I Was Crazy Photo by JC Gellidon on Unsplash My ex-husband cheated. In the 13 years we were married, two affairs took place (that I’m aware of). The first one, I forgave and we moved past it. The second one was the end of the road. He did not want forgiveness. He did not want us.
I Have 30 Minutes to Ponder On Life
Where my thoughts are lately. 30 minutes to write this article, let’s go. Art Bram shared this experiment- you can read it here. I enjoyed his authenticity that shined through. It inspired me to take a jab at it. Who knows what will come out, mind you I have nothing in particular to write about. Currently, it’s 6:26 am on a Saturday morning, but I was up at 5:00. I love my early mornings. I love my afternoon naps. This is a win-win. Also currently, I am pondering lots of life changes.
He Grew up and Then He Left
I wasn’t prepared to be this emotional. Knowing the day would come, even years in advance, didn’t make it any easier. You talk about your kids growing up. You talk about what they want to do and where they want to go. You go through the motions, each milestone a celebration. First day of school to the last. The birthday that takes them out of their teens and embarks them on adulthood. It all came too soon. When my son packed up his stuff for the move, it became real. Official.
11 Things You’ll Hate About Me
01. You’ll hate the way I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes a little too much. 02. You’ll hate the way I can’t make up my mind. Which way, that way, who, what, where, when and why. 03. You’ll hate the way I’m sensitive to how others feel. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I bleed. 04. You’ll hate the way I’m scared to feel. The walls are up. Knock them down. What’s on the other side, I want to see. 05. You’ll hate the way I like control. I’m learning though to take it easy and go with the flow. 06.
This Platform Has Changed Me
On writing. My journey on this platform has changed me. What started as a place to voice my thoughts and feelings on life experiences became bigger than me. I felt something. Something real but still out of reach. My first year writing, I plugged in every. single. day. I churned stories with all work in mind and no play. While feeling connected I also felt very lonely and isolated. The stories I read, the friends I made — - they were not here with me.
Nothing Stays the Same and That’s Just the Way It Is
I watched the sun slowly rise behind the buildings as I began another day at work. Mondays are not always easy. A rush of anxiety comes over me as I get back to business. From night to day, there was a beautiful mix of pink and yellow. Something about the sky pulls me in. Be it the moon that hangs overhead. The stars that light our way. Or clouds with their familiar shapes. I’ll admit these days I’m mixed with emotions of relief and grief. Life changes are welcomed but not always handled with ease.
Coming Undone and It Feels Good
This is the year where everything changes. It’s all coming undone. I find myself dancing in limbo between now and then. Recollecting how things were and fantasizing what will soon be. My heart does this funny thing. While remaining hopeful in anticipation with optimism, it also cries a little knowing these are the days I won’t get back. I miss it. The days that will soon be behind me. A bittersweet feeling looms overhead. Sentimental, I feel deeply.
She Is the Woman I See in the Mirror
I am her, she is me. I faced myself in the mirror. Evidence of the years filled with joy and grief unfolded before me. The fine lines that nestle beneath my skin. As I smile, they remind me that I have laughed more than I’ve cried. There is a story to be told with every scar. Who, what, where, when, and why. I took a good look. At the woman, I’ve become. With hopes that I’m aging like fine wine and not a carton of sour milk. There’s still lots of goodness left. Down to the last drop.
New Chapters To Explore
Nothing stays the same and that’s the one thing I can be sure of. I’m a creature of habit but I also crave change. The breathtaking new scenery. An admiration of a new love and friendship. A new zip code to call home. Mastering a new skill you once sucked at. When life becomes too stagnant, I die a little on the inside. I become numb. I want to break free, run away. Ironically, while change is welcomed, I also fight against it. It doesn’t always come easily. Goodbyes are hard for me to do.
She Convinced Me of All the Reasons Not to Quit
After I convinced myself of all the reasons why. In a world full of billions, there has to be that one that just gets you. My friend, an attentive, love you no matter what kind of soul is that person. She seems to get me when I don’t. And she seems to keep me in line when I won’t. “Why are you quitting? Tell me, what’s going on?” I had recently written a story about leaving for something more.
Getting Over the Hurts That Love Has Presented Itself
I always wanted to be in a relationship. I didn’t date like my girlfriends did in high school with their serious boyfriends whom they thought they’d marry (which they didn’t). I was the single friend that would flirt and mingle but it was never serious enough to claim title of boyfriend and girlfriend. I remained somewhat pure (a virgin) for who is my now ex-husband. Going all the way was a big deal to me and I had to be with the right one.
A Fortune Cookie and Hot Pink Sky
My aha moment in photos. It had been a short week but a long day. In typical Friday fashion, I like to run errands to avoid a long laundry list on the weekend. An afternoon power nap gave me the energy to keep going. Panda Express to the rescue for dinner. I have a wild collection of fortunes from cookies I’ve collected over the years. Never intentional, it just sort of happened. An old jewelry box keeps them safe. I don’t take the fortunes seriously, but they are fun to read.
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