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Articles by Jay Litvin
Am I a Failed Jewish Mother?
I feel like I’m failing as a parent. I want my child to be inspired and spiritually connected, but the more I push it, the more I’m pushing him away. My friends say, “Lay off! Let him be!” But that seems irresponsible. Isn’t my role as a parent to guide my kids? But how do I do that if they don’t want to listen? Answer Sounds like you love your child to death. That may be the problem.
12 Reasons Why Sending Your Children to Jewish Summer Camp Is the Most Important Thing You Can Do This Summer
As the summer approaches and school ends, a world of seemingly limitless possibilities for enrichment, education and entertainment present themselves for our children. Unique among the options, however, are the opportunities afforded by attending a Jewish summer camp. In recent years, countless studies have shown that the informal, experiential education provided by summer camp is critical to forming lasting Jewish bonds and beacons of Jewish identity for young children.
Dignity
Okay, so I yelled a little too loudly when I yelled at my daughter. Okay, so maybe she didn’t deserve as much of my anger as I let out. But, she did deserve some of it, didn’t she? I mean, after what she did, could I just let it pass? Not say anything? Pretend it didn’t happen? Who would she become, then? Should I just tolerate everything for the sake of not getting angry?
12 Tips for Jewish Public School Parents in Today's Climate
In these times, when Jews and Jewish values are threatened in public spaces across America, it has unfortunately spilled over into high- and even middle-school classrooms. Jewish parents sending their children to public schools (and often private schools as well) cannot be there to protect them from every nasty remark or sanctimonious staff member—including well-meaning but uninformed individuals. But they can do a lot to inoculate them and supply them with the knowledge and strength they need.
Tips to Create a Kid-Friendly Seder
When your Passover table is filled with boisterous youngsters who get fidgety before it's time to recite the Ma Nishtana, the evening may begin to feel longer than those infamous years of slavery in Egypt, and filled with more tears than the salt water intended. But don't fret; your liberation from bondage is closer than you think.
Parenting & Education - The mystery and the mysticism of raising children
Mothers and fathers tell of the love and the pain, the joy and the fears, the wisdom and the faith, the mystery and the mysticism of raising children.
Chanukah on a Dime
“Mom, can I have an iPhone for Chanukah?” Like it or not, Chanukah gifts are one of the main ways that many Jewish families try to counteract society’s attractions at this time of year. But in this year’s economic situation, buying mega-gifts for the kids is difficult, if not impossible, for many Jewish families. So what are Jewish parents to do? The basic approach I share with parents is to remember that the greatest thing we can give our children is ourselves.
How Not to Yell at Your Kids
Yelling Comes Naturally No one has to teach parents how to yell – it seems that this behavior comes naturally to so many of us. When we accidentally touch the hot handle of a frying pan, we yell. When a child refuses to listen, we yell. It just wells up from inside – unless, of course, we choose to put a lid on it. In order not to yell, we have to find unnatural solutions to parenting pain and frustration. We have to take care of ourselves as well as our kids.
Helping Our Son Conquer His Fear of Overnight Camp
It promised to be another frustrating summer of feeling left out for one of our precious children. For reasons known only to G‑d Himself, this child struggles with sleeping away from home. Until now, there had been day camp workarounds, but at this stage basically all his friends were going to overnight camp. It occupied not only the summer, but the weeks and months leading up to it.
Why We Yell
Some people wonder why parents yell. Here's the logic: Kids can be so maddening! You call them and call them and they don't come. You tell them and tell them and they don't listen! Sometimes you just have to yell to get them to pay attention. When you yell, they finally take you seriously. Another good reason to yell is because it lets off steam.
Too Nice to Say "No"
Dear Tzippora, In all the parenting books I read, and I read a lot of them, they speak about setting limits and boundaries with my kids. But I am just such a softie, that when they start to cry and plead with me, I usually give in. Is there anything really wrong with saying "yes" all the time? Can being too nice actually hurt your kids? Too Nice to Say No Dear Too Nice, Your question is such an important one. Before we indulge our children, we have to weigh the consequences of our indulgence.
Teaching Self-Control
Question: My ten-year-old is a sweet boy who is usually pleasant and polite. However, he has a habit that is driving me, my husband, and my nine-year-old daughter up the wall. My son loves calling my daughter names even though he is aware how sensitive she is, and sometimes, when he gets excited, he will grab her around the neck and squeeze her a little too hard. I know my son loves his sister. When I catch them playing nicely together, I always praise them.
Raising Good Kids Is Not Like Baking a Cake
Wouldn’t it be great if children came with a user manual? Or a recipe? Two teaspoons of discipline here, and a heaping cup of love. A few assorted homework sessions on the side. Add a pinch of lectures while mixing the batter. Put in school for 18 years and voila, you have a perfectly adjusted, well balanced child. I think we all know that it just doesn't work like that when it comes to raising children.
Bad Parenting Days
Everyone has those days — days that you wish you could just do all over again. Sometimes, it starts first thing in the morning. You get out of bed in a bad mood (having slept way too little the previous night, what with all the interruptions from the little ones). And yet, whether you have the energy for it or not, "the show must go on." You've got to get the kids out the door on time, cleaned, dressed, fed and all the rest.
What to Look for (and What to Do) When Kids Are Moody
We all have our moods, our good days and our bad days. However, some people run more or less on an even keel, while others swerve radically from high to low. Kids, too, are more or less moody, depending on their genes, their health and their stress levels. A well-rested, well-fed, happy-go-lucky child living in a relaxed home and attending a child-friendly school geared to his or her academic skill level will probably be in a pretty good mood most of the time.
Angels
Along the way, I met angels. It was about 19 years ago. There were maybe 10,000 or so of them hovering about. They were all of different sizes and shapes. Some looked like Walt Disney cartoon angels, the kind that carried Goofy to heaven when hed been hit over the head. Others were straight out of store window displays or greeting cards. Some looked like the plaster angels I used to buy in a Mexican market, primitive, brightly painted in pastel blues and pinks.
The Abandoned Baby Syndrome - Who Is Loving Our Children?
A well-known rabbi once said to me, "Never write anything controversial. You'll only make enemies, and it won't help." So I hesitated to write this article, knowing that 70% of mothers work and that most will continue to do so. But if this article makes even one woman think twice about returning to full-time work before her baby is 6 months of age, then it is worth the anger which may be directed my way. I'm not opposed to women working. Many families cannot survive unless the mother works.
How A Stupid Little Ruler Saved My Life
What does it mean to be indispensable? For most of my life I’ve asked myself that question. Maybe not in those words exactly. But I’ve always had this feeling that there was some purpose to my life uniquely destined for me and me alone. I can remember, as a young man in my early twenties, sitting under a tree, my back propped against the trunk, gazing out at a forest. I was in Woodstock, New York, during what some call the “Woodstock years.” Days of pondering life and destiny.
A Jewish Mother Won’t Kill You - … and other nice things about Jewish Mothers
The Jewish mother is a personality type very common among mothers who are Jewish. If you were an unborn soul making an informed decision about what sort of mother to be born to, in any part of the world, at any point in history, you would certainly choose to be born to a Jewish mother. Here are eight reasons why: Look, all things considered, in many cases that might be the sensible thing to do. And for most of history, disposal of unwanted infants was considered perfectly acceptable.
How to Make Make Time For Your Family - Parenting
Working with families, I often think how sad it is that when a couple separates, G?d forbid, the father is prepared to pay tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees in order to win more time with his children; yet when time with one's children is freely available, some fathers are "too busy" to "make the time." Numerous studies have shown that children whose fathers played an active role in their lives are more likely to have a better self-esteem and a positive outlook on life when they...
Terumah: The Self-Made Child - Parenting
My friend shared with me her problem: “My daughter complains that ‘other mothers’ do their children’s projects for them. I will help her with the research, explain to her whatever she doesn’t understand, share ideas and guide her, but I like the actual work to be her own. How else will she learn to express her creativity? “She complains, though, that her projects are not as glamorous, her essays don’t have the ‘fancy’ words, and her homework doesn’t look as polished as her friends’.
Spiritual Warrior
Frankly, I loathe being called a religious person. It sounds so boring. I’m reminded of a person who once told me how much he envied me. “Life for you is so simple,” he said. “Your religion tells you what to do and what not to do, and gives you all the answers.” Boy, I wish. But, in truth, this is what the word “religion” conjures up: something kind of old and staid, perhaps even a bit crusty. Something calm and peaceful, barely alive and never in motion.
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