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Articles by Julian Bialous
The top five excuses for skipping class
With the sun finally showing itself in Oxford, Miami students are more eager than ever to find excuses to skip class. The problem is that teachers hear the same, tired excuses all the time. “Oh I’m sick.” “I got food poisoning.” “I literally just sprained my ankle.” “I got the rona.” “My grandpa died.” Now I’m not saying these excuses are invalid, but teachers start to grow suspicious when your grandpa has died for the fifth time this month. But, have no fear. This is where I come in.
Rocky VII to be filmed in Oxford
I’m not a big fan of misleading headlines, but this one might as well be true. Sylvester Stallone did come to Oxford, and what's he known for? Rocky. When I heard he was coming at the end of February to film a movie, I knew “Rocky VII” was destined to happen. But in Oxford?! The movie is technically called “Alarum,” which is a weird way to spell “Rocky VII,” but I’m sure they’re waiting to change that in post.
Workers sought as 3 new Oxford restaurants open
“We beat the second-highest Penn Station by $5,000,” said assistant store manager Chris Frey. “We had tons of orders coming in, and it was a lot to keep up.” However, the restaurant was understaffed when it opened, store owner Andrew Brennan said. “We have about 17 employees right now but typically look for 25 to 30 employees. We offer flexible hours and an easygoing work environment, but it is just difficult to find enough people to fill those roles,” Brennan said.
Halloween puts college students in a pickle as they lose sight of the holiday’s meaning
Halloween is upon us, just days away. Cowboys, nurses, fairies, zombies, angels, TV characters and that guy in the pickle costume come out for one spooky night each year. Nowadays, Halloween seems to be more about making costumes sexy, getting drunk and making out with that pickle costume guy. People are most worried about having three original costume ideas for each night of going out on Hallo-weekend.
Miami Football embarrasses UC
If I was a University of Cincinnati Bearcats fan right now, I’d probably hide in a closet in my room and cry until there were no more tears left to cry, playing demo bell sounds off my phone because … DING! DING! DING! Miami brought the Victory Bell home! Remember the date — Saturday, Sept. 16, 2023. The day a RedHawk murdered a Bearcat in front of millions on national television. It feels good being a Miami RedHawk fan because we are so back, baby! Miami is officially a football school again.
PSA: Put your dawgs away
Dawgs, critters, flipper grippers — commonly known as toes — help us Homo sapiens walk and balance upright. Most people are considerate enough to keep those dawgs muzzled and crated. However, it has come to my attention that some of you students at Miami University seem to think that letting the dawgs out in class, walking around campus or at bars Uptown is now acceptable. This could not be further from the truth. Just because your dawgs are barking does not mean they need to be out.
Oxford police given wage increases through 2025
Oxford City Council recently unanimously approved wage increases for police through 2025. Patrol officers’ wages will increase by 5 percent for 2023 and 4.5 percent in each of the following two years, under a contract with the police bargaining unit approved Sept. 5. Oxford sergeants’ and lieutenants’ wages will increase by 5 percent for 2023, and 4 percent in each of the following two years. The raise is retroactive to Jan. 1, 2023.
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