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Articles by Julie Harris
Who Gets You? The Hidden Rankings in All Our Relationships
Who gets you? Spoiler: not equally. We all operate hidden hierarchies in our relationships without realising it. Here’s why fair doesn’t mean equal, and three tools for conscious inequality. Press enter or click to view image in full size Picture a family picnic table. Four seats, but the attention never lands equally. The toddler needs help cutting her food. The teenager with anxiety gets gentle coaxing to share how she feels about school starting up again.
Breaking the Silence: Why Expressing Desire Changes Everything
Julie Harris · Follow Published in Conscious Relationship Design · 26 min read · -- Research shows we bury our deepest desires — and voicing them changes everything. Through intimate stories and groundbreaking findings, discover how breaking the silence around what we truly want can reshape not just our relationships, but entire systems of power.
Rethinking Trauma and Love: How Conscious Relationship Design Can Help Us Heal
Julie Harris · Follow Published in Conscious Relationship Design · 15 min read · -- We’ve been told to fix ourselves before love — but emerging research shows healing happens in connection. The key? Not just with anyone — or only one — but across a web of safe, consciously designed relationships — romantic, platonic and communal. In a sunlit apartment in Berlin, Sophia is having three separate panic attacks in three different relationships.
The Role of Power Dynamics in Conscious Relationships
Julie Harris · Follow Published in Conscious Relationship Design · 7 min read · -- Power shapes every relationship — whether we see it or not. What happens when we bring it into the light and design for it intentionally? Eva sits at her kitchen table, fingers wrapped around a cooling mug of coffee, as her partner Marcus paces the room. “I just don’t understand why you need to travel so much for work”, he says, voice tight with frustration.
The Power of Rest in a Culture of Hustle
Why Entrepreneurs Need Downtime to Thrive Julie Harris · Follow 7 min read · -- In a world that glorifies “rise and grind,” where every minute seems like an opportunity to “do more,” rest is the radical act of pulling back. It’s the quiet yet powerful shift that takes entrepreneurs from burnout to breakthroughs. But let’s be real — rest isn’t just a nice-to-have. It’s a game-changer. It’s the space where real growth, creativity, and clarity come alive. So, let’s reframe rest.
Breaking the Mold: Society’s Taboos and the Reality of Polyamory
Julie Harris · Follow Published in Conscious Relationship Design · 16 min read · -- The seventh in a series on Designing Love: Exploring Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy Mel stared at her reflection in the mirror, her heart racing. Tonight, she would introduce her boyfriend, Lex, to her husband, James. After months of soul-searching and honest conversations, they had decided to explore polyamory. But as Mel smoothed her chemise, doubt crept in. What would their friends think? Their families?
A Thousand Small Cuts: How Conscious Relationship Design Can Revitalise Long-term Relationships
Joel stands at the kitchen sink, loading the dishwasher with far more speed than care. His jaw is clenched, his movements tense, airpods firmly in place. Behind him, Skat scrolls through her phone, oblivious to the storm brewing in her husband’s mind. It’s a scene that could be playing out in countless homes, a snapshot of a relationship frayed by a thousand small cuts. You might recognise Joel and Skat.
Exploring Solo Living as a Conscious Relationship Design Choice
Imagine a world where being single isn't just a temporary state, but a deliberate, fulfilling choice. A world where the question, "When are you going to settle down?" is met not with awkward silence, but with confident enthusiasm about one's solo adventures. This is the world that Peter McGraw, a professor of marketing and psychology at the University of Colorado Boulder, envisions with his Solo Movement.
Companionate Relationships, Tolyamory and the Spectrum of Non-Monogamy
The sixth in a series on Designing Love: Exploring Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy Sarah and Michel have been married for 20-odd years. They share a home, raised three children together, and by all outward appearances, lead a typical big-city life. But there's a twist to their story that challenges our conventional understanding of marriage and fidelity. Every few weeks, Michel goes on a business trip. Sarah knows that on these trips, Michel sometimes shares intimate moments with other women.
The Empathy Canvas Method
Step 2: Individual reflection Before engaging with your partner(s), spend some time reflecting on your own. Try to fill out the canvas based on your current understanding of your partner(s). This step helps highlight areas where you might have assumptions or gaps in your knowledge. Step 3: Open dialogue Time to bring your partner into the mix. Sit down together and chat about why you're excited to try the Empathy Canvas and how you think it could help your relationship.
Navigating Manhood in the Modern Dating Landscape
Calling all men in the world of modern dating: this one's for you. I break down the big changes in how people connect, from dating apps to new relationship styles. Whether you're swiping for intimacy, love or trying to understand contemporary dating, you'll find practical advice and fresh perspectives here. And while we focus on men's experiences, there's something for everyone to learn about building better relationships in the 2020s and beyond. Picture this: It's 1955.
Challenges in Polyamorous Relationships
The fifth in a series on Designing Love: Exploring Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy Em sits at her kitchen table, her head in her hands as she ponders the intricacies of her polyamorous life. Her partner, Alex, is out on a date with their new girlfriend, and while Em is happy for them, she can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Balancing her own needs, her relationship with Alex, and her other partner, Liam, feels like a delicate juggling act.
Designing Bonds: The Therapeutic Power of BDSM and Conscious Relationship Design
Exploring the therapeutic power of BDSM combined with Conscious Relationship Design — a journey from vulnerability to strength Imagine sitting across from a friend in a cozy coffee shop, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee in the air. Your friend, Claire, shares a deeply personal journey of healing and transformation. For years, intimacy had been a minefield, with past traumas triggered in the most vulnerable moments with her partner. But then, she discovered a path that many misunderstand — BDSM.
Conscious Relationship Design: How It Works
The first in a series on how Conscious Relationship Design works in practice Picture this — you’re at a neighborhood coffee shop grabbing your morning brew. At the next table, you overhear two people engaged in what sounds like couples therapy. But there are no tissues or rings on fingers. Instead, they’ve got sketchpads and design canvases spread across their table like architects pondering blueprints.
The Cerebral Spark: Exploring Sapiosexuality and Conscious Relationship Design
Unlock the allure of the brilliant mind — an exploration of sapiosexuality and Conscious Relationship Design In our modern world, where physical attractiveness is often prioritised, a different kind of desire is gaining recognition — sapiosexuality, or being sexually attracted to intelligence. For sapiosexuals, the most alluring trait in a potential partner is their brilliant mind and intellectual curiosity.
Your “One Wild and Precious Life” - And Another?
What would you do if you had three lives? What if you already do? There is a beautiful poem by Sarah Russell called “If I Had Three Lives” that starts: If I had three lives, I’d marry you in two. The other? Perhaps that life over there at Starbucks, sitting alone, writing — a memoir, maybe a novel or this poem. No kids, probably, a small apartment with a view of the river, and books — lots of books, and time to read.
π" π€ Design your ideal relationships π
Are you curious about consciously designing your relationships to foster deeper connections, mutual understanding and growth? π± Introducing Conscious Relationship Design β a transformative approach to intentionally co-creating relationships that reflect your evolving desires, boundaries and values. Are you seeking to design your romantic partnership(s) built on clear communication, empathy and continuous evolution?
Voices of Polyamory: Personal Journeys in Loving More Than One
The fourth in a series on Designing Love: Exploring Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy Polyamory, a term derived from the Greek “poly” (many) and Latin “amor” (love), means having multiple loving relationships with the consent, knowledge and support* of everyone involved. It’s a practice that challenges traditional paradigms of romance and partnership, paving the way for a spectrum of relationship structures as diverse as the individuals who build them.
Unlocking Connections: The Power of Taboo Conversations
Unlock deeper connections with your partner, friends, family and wider community by opening the Box of Taboos through courageous, judgment-free conversations on sex and sexuality. What if the keys to unlocking your closest connections with people have actually been taboo topics? As social norms evolve, we stand at the precipice of a new era of intimacy. One where sexuality expands beyond the traditional confines of monogamy and gender.
Intimate Technology: Could a Robot Be Your Next Romantic Partner?
If one steps outside one’s concerns about the risks (we’ll look at this below), there is an intriguing angle worth considering here. Along with Simon Dubé, I’d like us to consider the potential for sexbots to contribute to the co-creation of healthier human relationships. Dubé envisions a future where these advanced technologies, rather than replacing human intimacy, could enhance it by providing safe spaces for exploration and expression.
Crafting Connections: Applying Conscious Relationship Design in Polyamory
The third in a series on Designing Love: Exploring Polyamory and Ethical Non-Monogamy In a small, dimly lit coffee shop in the heart of a bustling city, three humans, each from a different walk of life, sit discussing the intricate dynamics of their relationship. This isn’t just any conversation; it is a testament to their commitment to understanding each other deeply.
Love Multiplied: A Historical Perspective on Polyamory
Transitioning from the intricate tapestries of Medieval and Renaissance relationships, the journey of polyamory enters a pivotal phase in the modern era. This period, stretching from the Enlightenment to the 20th century, witnessed significant shifts in societal attitudes towards love and relationships, setting the stage for the emergence of the free love movements and the redefinition of polyamory as we understand it today.
Beyond Monogamy: An Introduction to Ethical Non-Monogamous Relationships
Ethical non-monogamy is a relationship framework where individuals engage in more than one romantic or sexual connection at a time, with everyone involved agreeing to this arrangement. It’s a practice built on the principles of consent, open communication and honesty. Polyamory falls within this umbrella and specifically refers to having multiple loving relationships simultaneously, where emotional connections are emphasised just as much as physical ones.
The Conscious Craft of Age-Gap Relationships
Taking a fresh look at age-gap relationships through the lens of Conscious Relationship Design, this piece unearths the rich potential for authentic connection and intentional growth in modern love's varied forms.
A Dive into Conscious Relationship Design with AI
In the chill of November 2017 emerged Replika, a generative AI chatbot app, from the ashes of personal loss experienced by its founder, Eugenia Kuyda. The death of her close friend, Roman Mazurenko, ignited the spark to construct a "digital echo", a chatbot infused with Roman's text exchanges. This quest for solace blossomed into Replika, an AI companion designed to lend a consoling ear amidst the storms of human solitude.
A Gateway to Conscious Relationship Design?
From casual flings to conscious connections: Navigating modern intimate encounters Hey, have you noticed? The dating world has gotten a casual facelift. Gone are date nights with dinner and dancing (or a movie) leading straight to the "M" word (yes, marriage). Welcome to the era of hookup culture, where young humans are exploring desire, sexual self-expression and exploration without the traditional anchors of commitment.
Reimagining Freedom and Autonomy in Intimate Connections
Conscious Relationship Design takes work - a lot of it - in addition to willing, like-minded participants and a whole big bundle of open communication. It also takes emotional security, a commitment to non-judgement and deep curiosity. It takes courage to design things that might fly in the face of everything that has come before.
Lessons for Life
Five days on the Camino taught me some life lessons, including the importance of embracing the unknown, tapping into one's inner resilience and opening up to life's inherent surprises. We were out by 4:31 this morning, my hiking buddy and I. Within minutes we were outside Melide, plunged into the dark of night, headlamps steadily fixed. Our bodies not yet warm, not yet fed, we fixed our 33 km goal for the day inside our heads and stared straight ahead. One step in front of the other.
Hacking the Brain's Reward System
A piece of dark chocolate melts, in its exquisiteness, on your tongue; you experience the thrill of an unexpected compliment; you settle into the serenity of a peaceful walk in a park on a sunny afternoon - we're all familiar with these different experiences of pleasure. But what exactly happens in our brains when we feel pleasure? And how can we get more of it?
A nature retreat in Sweden to conceive and birth Captains of Leadership
Five of us met for a nature retreat in Sweden to form a band. Here's how we became the Captains of Leadership. Lupin by sunset, Hagfors-Gustav Adolf, Sweden - Photo by Julie Harris, 24 June 2023, 22:11 Time slowed to a snail's pace, and then it stopped. Completely. Three of us had landed in Oslo at different times during that Friday, one early, one delayed and one at 9:30 pm. Our local host and band member met me with one of the other members of the band.
7 Ways to Cultivate Passion
What is passion, why is it important and how can we get more of it? F or more than half a century, I have been delicately piecing together an intricate puzzle. I've been turning the pieces over in my mind, fitting them together, and then dismantling them, only to rebuild the puzzle anew.
Embracing Our Agency
Embracing our ability to shape our lives while acknowledging our deep connections with others When I was in my late 20s, I found myself in Paris, reading a letter from a dear friend. He wrote about how he had felt my hand on the helm of his ship, helping him navigate life's waters. Not long after, he took his own life. His departure devastated me and left me grappling years later with questions of responsibility and agency. Had my hand on his as he steadied his helm robbed him of his own agency?
4 Letters of Love
Words of solace and comforting whispers D ear Lost, What do you need? Tell me. I'm listening. Love, Me D ear Overwhelmed, Why are you sitting here, staring at the screen? Turn off the computer. Sleep. Love, You D ear Vanishing, What are you imagining? Help me picture it. Stay. Love, Me D ear Exposed, What do you believe? Show me. I see you, whole. Love, You
10 Lessons from Worldschooling in 30 Countries
A decade ago, my son and I embarked on an extraordinary journey of worldschooling. From the age of 7 to 17, we crisscrossed the globe, immersing ourselves in the cultures of 30 countries. From the fiery volcanic landscapes of Vanuatu to the sacred temples of Cambodia, the bustling streets of India to the serene waters of French Polynesia, each location was a chapter in our global textbook.
Unraveling the Last Evil in Pandora's Box
The last "evil" in Pandora's Box: Hope. Was it a blessing or a curse? Here, I think more about Hope and how we can reframe it to unleash its power to shape a better future. As we delve deeper into the kaleidoscope of hope (see " Give Up Hope "), it's like opening Pandora's Box. Inside, we find a paradox - hope as a guiding light in the darkest of times, and yet, also a tortuous noose that binds us to expectations, to dreams of better times.
Sometimes the Best Way to Keep Going is to Let Yourself Stop
Taking intentional micro-breaks and embracing moments of rest can enhance your performance, productivity, and overall well-being, whether you're an athlete, a professional, or simply overwhelmed with a never-ending to-do list Do you have a never-ending list of to-dos, activities and responsibilities you have to take care of every single day? Do you hit the ground running (or wish you could) the moment your feet hit the floor in the morning?
Mastering Focus and Time Management Like a Pro
Use this game-changing formula to regain control of your time, skyrocket productivity, and conquer that never-ending to-do list. Are you tired of feeling overwhelmed and struggling to check off those crucial tasks from your never-ending to-do list? If so, here is a game-changing formula that countless individuals, including my clients, have used to reclaim their time and skyrocket their productivity. Get ready to harness your inner authority and become your own master of focus and time management.
The Stories We Need to Hear
Discover the power of vulnerability and connection through the stories we need to hear; use this question to draw out meaningful stories, deepen your understanding of yourself and others and bridge the loneliness gap, one story at a time. Stories are at the heart of what makes us human; they are our organising principles.
Play this game
Here's an imagination game for you. I've made it just for you. Imagine this next chapter of your life is an opportunity to mix things up. You can set the parameters, the invitations to play, the routines and the rules. New ones. And/or you can borrow from the ones you've loved in your previous chapters. You can design your day-to-day as you like (within the confines of your professional and personal commitments, of course). Allow yourself to get outside everything you already know.
I used to live as if my house were on fire
I used to get up every morning before sunrise and say to myself, "The house is on fire! What's the first thing to do?" And every morning, in response to my "fire" scenario, I'd wake up and make sure my daughter was okay. I'd quickly take a shower and get dressed. After all, I couldn't run down into the Paris streets dirty and in pajamas. That would never do. Then, I'd make sure I had everything we needed (for the day) and check on my little one again.
On travelling to India, Part 2
By way of a letter to Ammar, who writes to me from Karnataka in South India. “I do have a long list of questions that I also wonder about…” he writes, “If you can write further posts on them, my happiness will know no bounds.” Dear Ammar, Just a few weeks ago, I had the immense pleasure of visiting your country. This evening, I am sitting in a cold house in the fading grey of a winter’s afternoon, still turning my experiences — of warmth, of colour, of “mess” as you say — over and over in my head.
Enigmata
By Julie Harris This is the first part of a series of posts on the stories that fell out of a 1916 edition of Auguste Rodin's Art. A heavy, blue volume, full in my hands. Art, by Auguste Rodin, read the spine, the cover. A certain Agnes B. Spencer, a resident of Los Angeles, had received the volume as a Christmas gift from Mrs. Anna Doolittle in 1916, four years after the volume was first published.
Last Halloween
By Julie Harris There comes a time when we start doing things for the last time. Today was a hard day to write. Life got in the way. Between cheering my teenage son on as he pushed "submit" on his first college application (was it as momentous as his first physical step 15 years ago - yes, it felt like it was) to doing what might be my very last Halloween baking for our three-person family, it was a day to live and feel each moment wash over and...
A life well-lived
By Julie Harris About an evening with a friend and former war correspondent whose life had taken him to 100 countries and sat him with some of his generation's most important world figures, whose life had brought him his greatest joy at its very end. A year prior, he'd nearly died. Seated across from me, he did what he could to eat the simple dinner I'd prepared. Salmon in a butter sauce, fresh pasta, salad. My husband topped up our guest's...
Chart the emotional arc
By Julie Harris How can we reshape the way we design and facilitate interaction for more engagement and impact? Focusing on an event's emotional arc from the start will help. T he last few years, I've been designing online workshops to help people solve big problems. Before COVID-19 hit, I designed group-work sessions, like many of my colleagues, for in-person work. I've worked...
15 life lessons from a 12-hour walk
15 life lessons from a 12-hour walk. So one Saturday, I walked outside my door just after sunrise and kept walking ... for 12 hours. Here's what I learned..
Boston Public Library Vinyl LP Collection
6,990 7.0K by Various; Alice Cooper; Allman Brothers Band; America; Aretha Franklin; Arlo Guthrie; Black Sabbath; Carly Simon; Crosby, Stills & Nash; Deep Purple; Donny Hathaway; Eagles; Emerson, Lake & Palmer; Faces; Gordon Lightfoot; Graham Nash; Jackson Browne; James Taylor; Jefferson Airplane; Jimi Hendrix; Jo Jo Gunne; Joni Mitchell; Judy Collins; Led Zeppelin; Otis Redding; Randy Newman; Roberta Flack; Seals & Crofts; Stephen Stills; The Beach Boys; The Bee Gees; The Byrds; The Doobie...
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