ADHD Student|Parent Coach | Author | CEO Order Out Of Chaos | Speaker | ADDitude Magazine's "Dear ADHD Family Coach" Columnist | Special Needs Champion
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Articles by Leslie Josel
My Indecisive Child Gets Decision Fatigue: ADHD Advice
Q: “Why is my daughter with ADHD so indecisive? She gets overwhelmed with decision fatigue and shuts down. Can you shed some light? What can I do to help?” — TiredinTennessee Hi TiredinTennessee: Your daughter’s ADHD may be significantly impacting her decision-making skills in several ways. First, ADHD often makes it challenging to filter and organize information effectively. This can lead to difficulties in weighing options and making decisions.
Q: “How Do I Teach My Teen Life Skills?”
Q: “My son will turn 16 soon, and I want to make sure he’s properly prepared to be a responsible young man. We can’t afford an ADHD coach or outside resources to teach him some simple life skills. What should I be thinking about so I can help him learn what he needs?” — Concerned Parent Hi Concerned Parent: Teaching life skills is crucial to helping teens with ADHD — actually, all teens — become responsible and self-sufficient individuals.
Q: "How Do I Cure My Son’s 'Senioritis?'"
Q: “My son is a high school senior with ADHD. He’s not sure about college, but he applied anyway. He was accepted to four colleges, but once he got in, it was as if he decided to completely give up. It’s like he’s scared to make the next life step, so he’s just turning in the opposite direction and sabotaging himself. Besides going to his part-time job, he seems totally unconcerned with anything except doing ‘what he wants to do.’ All his teachers have noticed.
Q: “Competitive Parents Make Me Question My Parenting Skills. How Can I Reclaim My Confidence?”
Q: “How do I gain more confidence in my parenting abilities around competitive parents? When friends ask questions about my child, I always answer honestly and humbly. Then, the comparisons start. I know this is a ‘me’ problem. I don’t know how to deal with it effectively other than avoiding the conversation and disengaging as soon as possible.” — KHawaii Hi KHawaii: Wow! This hit home.
Q: “How Should I Parent When ADHD Emotional Dysregulation Takes Over?”
Q: “I need a better way to connect with my daughter. When she is overwhelmed and emotional, and I try calming her down, it only makes things worse. What should I say and do?” — ConcernedParent Dear ConcernedParent: Knowing how to respond effectively and connect with a child who is overwhelmed and emotional can be tricky.
Q: “Help! Piles of Paper are Cluttering My Life.”
Q: “Piles of unorganized papers are taking over my life and very small apartment. I know I need to sort, organize, and file them, but instead, I find myself scrolling through my phone and wasting time. How can I motivate myself to organize my papers and create peace in my home?” — Tahoe93 Hi Tahoe93: I feel your struggle! It’s completely understandable that the thought of tackling those paper piles feels endless and daunting.
Q: “Will I Ever Love — or at Least Tolerate — Using a Daily Schedule?”
Q: “I need to overcome my aversion to schedules. I’m fine getting one of my kids, my husband, or myself to an appointment. Tasks I must do, like getting the chickens out of their coop and taking the dog out, always get done by 8 a.m. But once I set up a daily schedule, I actively rebel and find ways to cheat it. Even following vague schedules feels like I’m pouring metal shavings all over myself.
Q: “Why Does the Fear of Failure Paralyze My Teen?”
Q: “Why does the fear of failure keep my teenage son with ADHD from getting his work done?” — NebraskaMom Hi NebraskaMom: The fear of underperforming or failing is a very common obstacle for many teens, especially those with executive functioning challenges or ADHD. Due to the sheer nature of ADHD, the ability to complete tasks and assignments is daunting or overwhelming.
Q: “Can Emotional Regulation Coping Strategies Help My Stressed Child?”
Q: “My child becomes stressed and angry when he can’t focus on schoolwork. How can I redirect and reduce his frustration?” — JoburgMom Hi JoburgMom: When a child feels overwhelmed and unable to focus on schoolwork, it’s crucial to provide guidance and support to reduce that frustration. Providing them with coping strategies that are age-appropriate and doable can be effective in alleviating their feelings of anger or helplessness. Here are additional suggestions on how you can support your child.
Homeschooling Tips and Schedule for Neurodivergent Students
Q: “Do you have tips for multi-grade homeschooling? I have four boys in three different grades, and we all have ADHD.” Since children of different ages have different needs, here are some homeschooling strategies to help. 1. Schedule “Class Time” No matter their age, keep your students on a school schedule. If they had to be physically present for class outside the home, they would set their alarms and get themselves out the door on time.
Q: “How Do I Get My Parents to Take My Concerns About ADHD Seriously?”
Q: “I’m currently in all advanced classes, but I still struggle with remembering due dates, procrastinating, zoning out when my mind wanders, and losing points due to silly mistakes. Whenever I bring up my ADHD-related behaviors (forgetfulness, fidgeting, constant daydreaming, losing interest in personal projects when the novelty wears off, being contrary, etc.), my parents act like I’m exaggerating.
Q: “How Do I Set Boundaries with a Child Who Steals?”
“Q: “My 8-year-old daughter takes things that aren’t hers, such as jewelry, nail polish, food, trinkets, art supplies, books, and recently a used female napkin. Why is this happening, and how can I help her?” – MyMiniMe Hi MyMiniMe: It’s not uncommon for children with ADHD, especially your daughter’s age, to exhibit impulsive behaviors such as stealing. Children are curious creatures. Their natural inclination to explore helps them understand the world around them.
Q: “How Could an MVP Improve My Productivity?”
Q: “I’m a college junior. Writing papers and working on projects overwhelm me. Projects overlap; the more I need to do, the harder it is to get started. I waste so much time and can’t seem to finish anything. I’m feeling a lot of shame about it. Please help.” — Confused Hi Confused: Some say that perfection is the enemy of completion. I agree. But I believe it’s also the enemy of activation! You may feel that you must produce your very best work the first time out of the gate. Every. Single. Time.
Feeling Overwhelmed? How Daily Routine Can Increase Productivity
Q: “I’m a work-from-home mom with no daily structure. I feel so out of control, jumping from one thing to another. I try to work but then realize I need to do laundry. Or I’ll get on the phone and never finish my work. My husband tells me I need to set up routines or rituals to avoid feeling overwhelmed. I know he’s right, but I’m lost. This is causing friction in my household.
Q: “My Child Decompresses with Video Games and Then Has No Time for Homework. Help!”
Q: “My son is super busy with after-school activities and rarely has time to hang out with his friends. When he gets home, his friends usually invite him to log on and play video games. This causes tension because he often gets sucked in and can’t pull himself away to do homework.
Procrastination May Benefit Some Teens with ADHD
Q: “I don’t understand why my 15-year-old with ADHD waits until the last minute to study for a test or write a paper. He says procrastination works for him, and he eventually gets his work done. He’s only bothered by me nagging him to start. Why does he procrastinate so much?
“How Can Distracted ADHD Brains Slipstream into a Flow State?” Original
Q: “I’m a college junior and always feel overwhelmed. I have so much work to do that I’m always busy, but it feels like I’m not making much progress. When I try to focus, I get distracted or interrupted.” — CollegeJunior Hi CollegeJunior: Have you ever heard the expression “in the zone?” Some people call it doing deep work or harnessing a flow state. While in a flow state, you can focus, concentrate, and filter out distractions.
Q: “My Teen Doesn’t Know How to Study!” Original
Q: “My 15-year-old daughter is doing well enough in school, but it’s always by the skin of her teeth. I know her ADHD is getting in her way. Tests surprise her. She doesn’t seem to know how to prepare or study. What solutions have helped other teens prepare for exams?”— PlanningMom Hi PlanningMom: Studying for exams is a juggling act, especially when it needs to happen alongside a student’s daily assignments and activities. It’s easy for students to drop a ball.
Q: “My Overwhelmed College Freshman Needs Help Managing Her Notes”
“Help! My overwhelmed college freshman is drowning in disorganization. She has to keep track of all her class notes, plus each professor’s website, slides, and syllabi. She also takes a music class and needs to manage audio pieces.
Help Kids with ADHD Maintain Order
Q: “How do I help my boys get their messy bedrooms in order? They never throw anything away and leave empty boxes, clothing tags, and shopping bags in their rooms for weeks. Their clothing drawers have no sense of order. They put shirts in the pants drawer or socks in the shorts drawer. It’s madness.” — JazzyJ Hi JazzyJ: This is one of the most frequent questions parents ask me. And despite what many think, the unbudging parent-child struggle over messy bedrooms isn’t necessarily the child’s fault.
Q: “Why Does My Son Meltdown When It's Time to Study?”
Q: “My son is fine finishing a Spanish vocabulary assignment or math sheet due the next day. However, if he needs to study for a test, he has a major meltdown and shuts down. He seems so burdened and overwhelmed. Why is he able to do his homework but not study? What can I say to make studying easier for him?” — StudyHelpMom Dear StudyHelpMom: This question resonates with me as I spend all day working with my student-coaching clients on study skills.
Is the Teacher Following My Child’s IEP for ADHD? School Communication Help
Q: “I am really frustrated. There is a huge disconnect between what’s in my daughter’s IEP and what’s happening in her classes. Some teachers follow it and communicate with me, but some don’t even respond when I email them. I don’t want to keep asking my daughter what is happening as it makes her anxious. How can I improve communication with her teachers?” — IEP Parent Hi IEP Parent: I appreciate how much you want to support your daughter.
“How Do I Convince My Teen to Use a Daily Planner for Time Management?”
Q: “How can I get my teen to buy into the importance of using an academic planner or at least writing things down? She thinks it is a waste of time and won’t listen to me when I suggest it.” — ProPlannerMom Hi ProPlannerMom: One of the most frequent questions I hear from parents is how to get their students to use a daily planner.
Q: “Can a 504 Plan Help My Son Remember to Turn in His Homework?”
Q: “My seventh grader’s teachers report that he has forgotten to complete assignments or turn in his homework — even though he insists he has done them. I check his computer every night, but some assignments don’t show up as missing for weeks. How can I help him remember his assignments and keep him focused? He has a 504 Plan.
Q: “Holiday Stress and Anxiety Affect My Kids. How Can We Strike a Healthy Balance?”
Q: “When the holidays roll around, my kids’ ADHD symptoms get worse. They stay up late, sleep in, and have no daily structure. When family comes over, my younger one retreats and my older one wants to escape to see friends. My family is visiting for a week in December and staying with us. How can I keep my kids from becoming more anxious and stressed than they already are?” — HolidayMom Dear HolidayMom: The holidays can be a time of joy, happiness, and family togetherness — or not.
“Are My Kids’ Messy Rooms a Sign of Laziness or Weak Executive Functioning Skills?”
Q: “I’m guilty of spoiling my kids. When it comes to cleaning their bedrooms, organizing their closets, and putting away toys or school supplies, I’ve always been by their side, helping — or doing the work. Now that they are 11 and 14, I realize my actions have been unhelpful. If I tell them to ‘clean the basement’ or ‘clean your room,’ they get so overwhelmed that it never gets done. How can I teach them to be more self-reliant?
“I Need a Digital Detox. How Do I Break a Social-Media Habit?”
Q: “My husband, my high school senior, and I all have ADHD and are easily distracted. It’s super hard for us to untether from our electronic devices, and we lose track of time. For example, I’ll be working and start listening to music and find myself distracted by group texts or social media. Then I’m completely lost. My husband is always bingeing on Netflix.
Q: “How Do I Declutter My Home and Stop Collecting Stuff?”
Q: “I am so ashamed and frustrated by all the stuff my family has — buckets of photographs and hand-written notes, bookshelves overflowing with books, rooms filled with unopened toys and unworn clothes, and an unusable garage. How do we stop collecting clutter? I keep spending money buying things I can’t find or don’t remember having. Is this even normal?” — Tomman Hi Tomman: Yes, it’s normal. Let me provide you with some statistics to illustrate.
Diabetes Management: Tips to Get Motivated
I just don’t feel like it. I’m not in the mood to deal with my job — or my diabetes self-care or ever-growing to-do list — today.” Sound familiar? Have you tried for the umpteenth time to clean out the coat closet or get your kitchen organized and decluttered so you can prepare healthy meals? It’s less about disorganization or even time management and more about the desire to begin and the stamina to keep on going. So why are getting motivated and staying the course so difficult?
Q: “How Do I Create a Homework Space My Teen Will Want to Use?”
Q: “You talk about how moving around the house helps students — especially those with ADHD and executive function weaknesses — study and get homework done. But my teen doesn’t want to move. She feels that doing her homework in one spot in the house will be less distracting and stressful. Now we need to set up a homework station for her, and I have no clue what that looks like or what we should include. Do you have any ideas?” — HRF Hi HRF: You are correct.
Q: “How Can We Create a Homework and Study Plan That Works for an ADHD Brain?”
Q: “What is the best way to get my son to sit down and knock out his homework assignments so we can all move on with the night? Where should he do it? When is a good time? It’s a struggle.” — Nell Hi Nell: There is no one-size-fits-all homework solution. Students’ individual preferences and work styles vary. Instead of randomly deciding when and where your son should do homework, work with him to maximize his efforts. You may be surprised to learn that he knows what environment works best for him.
Q: “How Do I Improve Communication with My ADHD Teen?”
Q: “I’m so frustrated trying to get things done for my 16-year-old with ADHD. Whenever I bring up stuff we need to discuss or decisions we need to make, my son completely shuts me down. He gets angry and stomps off, tells me he doesn’t want to have these conversations, or gives me thoughtless answers to get me to stop. I can’t take it anymore. Can you offer advice?” – DSB Hi DSB: Ever heard of a Momversation?
Q: “How Should We Prepare for School Before It Starts?”
Q: “Every year, I say I will do all these things to get my daughter ready to return to school, but I never do. I’m overwhelmed, she’s overwhelmed, and it never happens. Then school starts, and I’m scrambling, and she feels behind before she’s even started. And her ADHD doesn’t make it any better. I need advice. Or a list! I want things to be different this year.
Helicopter Parent to Teach Time Management? Teen Executive Functions
Q: “I’m trying to work on time management with my 15-year-old son before he returns to school, but it feels hopeless. He won’t listen to me or try my suggestions because he either doesn’t like my ideas or feels he can do it alone. It’s always a fight. It gets toxic at worst and frustrating at best.
Q: “I Want to Eat Healthier, But My Kitchen Is Too Messy to Cook.”
Q: “I desperately want to eat healthier and lose weight, but my kitchen is so disorganized and messy that it’s hard for me to cook. I’m stressed out and overeating. My ADHD makes it difficult to find a kitchen organization solution that works. Can you give me some ideas?” — MessyKitchen Hi MessyKitchen: A chaotic kitchen environment can make us feel stressed and lead us to overeat and/or make unhealthy food choices. The good news?
Q: “Binge-Watching Netflix Helps My Son Unwind, But He Gets Hooked!”
Q: “My son’s school schedule begins with jazz band practice at 7 a.m. followed by back-to-back classes until 4:30 p.m., leaving him exhausted by the end of the day. Before he starts homework, he likes to take a break and unwind by watching a short episode on Netflix. It’s easy, mindless, and helps.
Q: “I Need a Summer Plan That Maps Out Back-to-School Steps”
Q: “I’m so tired once school lets out that everything my kids bring home sits until August. Then I’m scrambling to unpack all the supplies, papers, folders, etc., right before school begins to prepare us for the new year. I want to get myself set up right so we can clean up from the school year, get ourselves ready for the summer, and be prepared for back-to-school season. I don’t know what to do first or even what to do.
Q: “My Teen Driver Wants Independence, but I Refuse to Give Up Our ‘Car Time’”
Q: “My daughter just turned 17 and passed her road test. I’m happy for her since she’s been working hard for this, but my mama heart is also miserable because I like driving her places. I use the time to talk to her or listen if her friends are in the car. My daughter is mad at me since I haven’t let her drive solo. My husband thinks I’m ridiculous and worried about her ADHD. We’re all arguing, and it’s causing a lot of bad feelings and tension.
Q: “How Can I Help My Overwhelmed Rising Senior Prepare for Next Year?”
Q: “I want to help my daughter prepare for her senior year of high school. The year is almost over, and I don’t want the summer to go by and senior year to just hit us with homework, activities, a job, SAT exams, college visits and applications, and a million other things. She has ADHD and gets easily overwhelmed. What do you suggest we do over the summer to prepare so she can handle it when we’re in the thick of things? Thanks! — SeniorMom Hi SeniorMom! You are right.
Color Coding Techniques to Get Kids Organized with ADHD
Q: “I’m at my wit’s end setting up organizational systems for my 13-year-old daughter. Checklists and charts don’t work for her. She says she doesn’t like them, and they take her too long to read. So they get completely ignored, and none of her chores get done. I also have to remind her where all her stuff in the house goes. Any ideas for what I can do to help her be more organized at home and at school?
Q: “Will Explaining ADHD to My Child Make Her Feel ‘Broken?’”
Q: “My 9-year-old was recently diagnosed with ADHD. I’m struggling with how to tell her about her diagnosis. I don’t want her to feel shame or believe something’s ‘wrong’ with her. I also don’t want her to use her diagnosis as an excuse. Any advice on how to approach this with her?” — JMom Hi JMom, This question truly resonated with me as my son was diagnosed with ADHD around the same age, and my husband and I struggled with how to explain it to him.
Q: “Is It Laziness? Or a Smart Reset for My Tired ADHD Brain?”
Q: “I’m a 45-year-old woman with ADHD. My husband and kids are high-energy. They move quickly and get things done. I can’t keep up with them. I just can’t be busy all the time. I get tired. When I sit down to take a break, I feel they think that I’m lazy. I want to be able to do nothing without feeling bad about it. Help!” — TiredMom Hi TiredMom: I hate the word lazy. How does such a small word carry so much gravitas? It produces ADHD shame. Guilt. Competitiveness.
Q: “504 Plan vs. IEP: What’s the Gateway to College Accommodations?”
Q: “My son has had a 504 Plan, due to his chronic migraines, with reasonable accommodations, including lenient due dates for tests and assignments. He’s now a senior in high school and has just been diagnosed with ADHD by his psychologist. I want the school to add his diagnosis to his 504 Plan before he goes to college. But I wonder: Should I request an IEP? In the college’s view, does one carry more importance?” — 504Mom Hi 504Mom: I’m so happy you could get an ADHD diagnosis for your son.
Eight Tips to Manage Your Diabetes Routine
Do you feel pressure trying to remember everything you need to do to manage both your busy life and your diabetes? You are not alone! Juggling your daily diabetes to-do list along with home and family responsibilities, plus school and work, can overwhelm even the most organized person. Although life is filled with unexpected distractions, we believe you can create systems and strategies that can help streamline your diabetes management.
Q: “Can I Help My Reluctant Learner See the Benefits of College?”
Q: “I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until age 44. My husband (who likely has undiagnosed with ADHD) and I were both college dropouts. In hindsight, I wish I had graduated. My husband couldn’t care less about earning a college degree. This sends a message to my 11-year-old son that higher education is unnecessary. He has already said that he won’t attend college and hates school. How can I get my reluctant learner to see the benefits of a college education without my husband’s support?
Q: “How Can We Hack Study Guides for a Student Who Bores Easily?”
Q: “My 14-year-old daughter bores easily, especially when she studies. I would like her to use other studying methods, but she really only likes and uses study guides. Do you have any tips for making study guides more fun so she doesn’t burn out?” – StudyMom Hi StudyMom: It’s wonderful that your daughter found a study tool that works for her and she likes using. Most students don’t effectively use study tools — or even know they exist.
Q: “Help! How Can I Manage Multiple Bank Accounts?”
Q: “I have multiple checking and savings accounts for personal use and for two small businesses. I do not know a great way to keep these accounts balanced. I have been using the old-fashioned techniques of pencil and pen in my registers, but it takes me half a day to complete for all my accounts.
Q: “I Need Craft Room Organization Ideas That Keep Supplies in Sight!”
Q: “How do I organize a craft room without forgetting about supplies tucked away in drawers or boxes? What are the best tips for someone who needs to see it all? Anything to avoid?” — JoInUK Hi JoInUK: An organized craft room is essential for bringing your creative ideas to life. However, having everything out on display can make you feel overwhelmed and cost you money and time. Here are some of my favorite organizing tips, which make your supplies visible and help you to feel calm and inspired. 1.
Q: “My Family Thinks I Hoard Because I Collect Stuff. I Disagree.”
Q: “My family thinks I have hoarding tendencies, but I disagree. I like to collect sentimental or meaningful things, but I’m not like the people you see on TV. My items are displayed, and you can walk into rooms. My family wants me to get rid of my stuff. I’m so confused. Are they right? Do I hoard if I collect stuff?” — PinkItThought Hi PinkItThought: Stuff. Clutter. Keepsakes. Collections. Hoarding. It’s hard to understand the differences. I’m hoping my perspective helps to shed some light.
Q: “My Teen Has Poor Time Management Skills. How Can I Help Her ‘See’ Time?”
Q: “I am trying desperately to teach my daughter time management. She never knows how long it takes to get from one place to another or how much time she really has to do something. It’s frustrating! When I try to teach her, she just shuts down. How do I show her the concept of time without telling her?” – Time Management Mom Hi Time Management Mom: I love that you want to show her and not tell her. Visualizing time is no easy task since it’s not a physical object.
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