Allison Moorer: The Autotelic

I’ll do anything to keep from thinking right now. The feel of a brush in paint is a refuge from a wild world outside my door This work feels real to me. These pieces are direct transmissions from some corner of my mind. I’m not really not thinking, I just want to stay within the confines of what I can touch. Hence, what feels real. Directly from the front of my brain onto the canvas.

Thank you all for the sweet birthday wishes. The weekend felt truly celebratory and it filled my heart with love and gratitude. I am so lucky to have wonderful people in my life, including y’all. I want to address a comment on my post from Sunday. but I’m left wondering why you had thought you wouldn’t live to be 54. That is a totally fair and appropriate question. And here’s what I think: I have a hard time visualizing myself as old, or even middle-aged, which we know I’ve reached now.

Hello, fifty-four. Hello, mid-fifties. Hello, never thought I’d get here. I’m filled with gratitude and wonder this evening as I watch the sun set on the longest day of the year and my fifty-fourth year. This weekend was so sweetly celebratory. I’m a lucky gal. Where does it go from here? Who knows. If what’s behind me is any indication, it’ll go in many directions. Doesn’t it always? The world is so large and I want to see some more of it.

From the looks of things this must be my first Christmas. I was born June 21, 1972. And that looks like a six-month-old baby. An unhappy one. What a strange photograph. I’ve had it with me all these years and every time I come across it, I laugh. That’s my PawPaw, H.P. “Smitty” Smith in the background fooling around with a soap on a rope, which he clearly received as a gift. He was as dry as a bone funny, but he was also the kind of funny you see in this photo.

On June 21, I will begin my fifty-fifth year. I don’t know why, but fifty-five feels significant. Maybe it’s because I could legitimately move into a retirement community. That’s truly mind blowing. I also sort of love it. I’ve been in a reflective emotional place all day. I piddled around the house until I’d rearranged two rooms. I needed a shift of energy and didn’t know it until it happened. It feels like a cool breeze blew in.

The transition into summer hasn’t been easy in our household this year. There’s a lot going on, and life does what it does—it changes every living thing. Our goals are actually moving targets, aren’t they? It’s taken me a while to learn to allow a margin of error when I set my sights. It’s time for a gratitude list. fried potatoes dusk John Henry’s smile eating a sandwich someone else makes me quilts lawnmowers the eternal chic of black and white A crisp cotton button up and a cigarette pant.

“America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed it ourselves.” —Abraham Lincoln “Dove” by Bill Laurance. Chill yet peppy and cool. A regenerating well. As in, one that doesn’t run dry. The world itself is inspiring—I’ve had too many ideas rather than a lack of them. I’m astonished by and grateful for that. Enduring friendships. It’s true—there’s nothing more valuable. In a season of curveballs, I’m grateful for groundedness.

My Sunday List May 31, 2026 || The 22nd weekend of 2026 || High 89, Low 68 overcast and thunderstormy || The moon is full and in Sagittarius—people tend to be more philosophical and open-minded Words “The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us, and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone.” — George Eliot (1819–1880) Music Jazz feels right. So I’m going with John Coltrane—always a good choice.

My Sunday List May 24, 2026 || The 21st weekend of 2026 || High 77, Low 66 and cloudy || The moon is in Virgo revealing a need for order and clarity Words “Candor is always a double-edged sword; it may heal or it may separate.” —Wilhelm Stekel Music I spent the morning in silence. It was nice. My brain gets too full of sound at times and it’s then that I find I want to receive my own thoughts.

A community assignment Dear Autotelic Family, We are experiencing troubled times. If there were one problem to focus on, it might be easier, but Whack-A-Mole is all I can say. Life is like that—you do one thing and then you have to do another—but this all just feels nuts.