The Chaser

Reports suggest that the Kyle and Jackie O show is coming to an end after Jackie O realised that everyone else has been right about Sandilands the whole time. This after Sandilands took a break from covering Prince Andrew being arrested to instead have a go at Jackie O for the real crime of being into astrology.

NSW Premier Chris Minns has tearfully announced to the media this afternoon that the NSW Government will host a state funeral for the Kyle & Jackie O’ Show following its not timely enough demise. The pair who were paid an exorbitant amount to cause controversies flew too close to the sun when Sandilands took a break from a segment on Prince Andrew to have a go at Jackie O for liking start charts. “Kyle and Jackie O’ were towering figures in Australian radio” Minns told the media.

Following reports that Jackie-O has quit the Kyle and Jackie-O show after the first time one of Kyle’s monthly on air-tirades was directed at her. Prime Minister Albanese responded to the news by offering support to the ‘victim’ in this scenario, his buddy Kyle, claiming that Jackie-O is being ‘difficult’.

In a shock move, the freshly Coronated king of Australian Right Wing podcasts, Karl Stefanovic, has announced that his next guest will be an exclusive with the ghost of Jeffrey Epstein. “When his email address was released by the FBI, I thought fuck it,  if you never try, you’ll never know,” Stefanovic told The Chaser. “It turns out Jeff loved emailing so much, he couldn’t even give it up in the spirit realm.

Military action from the US against Iran has achieved its primary goal of overshadowing the latest revelations from the Epstein files including reports that the DOJ hid evidence regarding President Trump. “Mission accomplished,” declared president Trump, “the threat of reporting on the files has been pre-emptively eliminated.” “As a bonus we have also killed the brutal dictator from Iran, liberating the country and it’s oil.

A leaked review into Peter Dutton’s disastrous election defeat has sent shockwaves through the Coalition after it revealed that having a largely despised leader with universally hated policies wasn’t a vote winner. The report was leaked after initially being withheld from publication after Peter Dutton suggested it could be liable defamation, in a move that probably could have been added to the report. “We were stunned,” said one highly paid Liberal strategist.

Prime Minister and former self-declared ‘tory puncher’ Anthony Albanese has come under fire for labelling former Australian of the Year Grace Tame as ‘difficult’ during his News Corp press tour where he is promoting Sky News’ rebrand.

Big hotel news as the Gold Coast is getting its own Trump Tower after years of everyone just sort of assuming one already existed there. The Trump family said the decision to open one in the city came the moment Donald heard about Schoolies. “I will always jump at the chance to party with teens on an island,” said President Trump. “There was a lot to consider, but I told them I was in from the moment I heard the word ‘Schoolies’. I didn’t know what it was at the time, but the word got me excited.

Former-Prince Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has reportedly been left feeling disgusted after being told by his lawyers that he is being made to ‘look at’ potentially up to 25 years, which Andrew says is “way too old” for him. The lawyers calmed Andrew down by saying that between his age and the normal lengths of ‘life’ in UK sentencing, they can likely negotiate down to under 18 years.

Former-Prince Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has reportedly been left feeling disgusted after being told by his lawyers that he is being made to ‘look at’ potentially up to 25 years, which Andrew says is “way too old” for him. The lawyers calmed Andrew down by saying that between his age and the normal lengths of ‘life’ in UK sentencing, they can likely negotiate for 16-17 years.