Tom Basso

A leaked review into Peter Dutton’s disastrous election defeat has sent shockwaves through the Coalition after it revealed that having a largely despised leader with universally hated policies wasn’t a vote winner. The report was leaked after initially being withheld from publication after Peter Dutton suggested it could be liable defamation, in a move that probably could have been added to the report. “We were stunned,” said one highly paid Liberal strategist.

Liberal politician and tech wizz Angus Taylor has launched a challenge for the party leadership off the back of “overwhelming support” from comments he’s personally written on his own Facebook posts. Taylor, who boasts an impressive 100% approval rating based on new polling obtained exclusively from Facebook comments, believes he has the numbers to lead the Liberals for the next couple of months max. “Fantastic. Great Move. Well done Angus” commented A. Taylor from Goulburn.

Former sweating Prince turned non-sweating civilian Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has finally been evicted from the royal lodge, a short seven years after it became extremely obvious he had to go. “We didn’t want to rush into kicking him out. We only ostracise members of our family for extremely serious offences like being a black woman,” King Charles explained.