Introvert, Dear

​​When I was six years old, I really, really wanted a sleeping bag. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, my parents had dropped hints that my aunt and uncle might be gifting me one. So after opening their present to me on Christmas Day — only to find a Snow White bag (an ordinary one, not a body-sized sack one could sleep in) — my heart sank. You could see it on my face. I told my dad I was disappointed. He chuckled and told me to look inside the bag.

During my freshman year Spanish class in high school, we were studying circus vocabulary. Lighting up the slide on the overhead projector were images of trapeze artists, kids holding cotton candy the size of their torsos, and an elephant hoisting a man in blue-and-white-striped overalls into the air with his trunk.

Recently, I attended a leadership training where leadership, communication, and listening skills were broadly discussed. Whether a person is an introvert or extrovert, everyone’s leadership style is different. While some leaders may demonstrate similar approaches, how one leads is also a reflection of personality, culture, beliefs, values, educational background, work ethics, and other attributes that influence us both personally and professionally.

It’s a beautiful summer morning. My son is coming back from school for the summer and my husband is home from his travel photo assignment. I’ll have my kids and family all together, so I should be happy… right? And yet, all week prior, I felt a mild panic surging up within me in quiet moments. Like I am on some kind of shaky ground, not really knowing where I can stand to feel calm, safe, regulated.

Minimalists choose to live simply, intentionally, and with meaning. While everyone else is busy buying more stuff, attending more parties, and doing as much work as possible, minimalists strive for the opposite. I first discovered minimalism as a twenty-something young urban professional. Back then, I was feeling pressured by a society that measured success based on what you’re wearing, how many connections you have, and how much you’re earning.

When I was a kid — and an introverted one, no less — my older brothers played a “game” with me. It was called Keep Away. Keep Away, of course, isn’t really a game. It’s condoned torture. The two (or more) people who are doing the keep-away-ing (of one of my toys or my teddy bear or some other object of value) taunt you with the thing you so badly want — while they gleefully prevent you from having it. Meanwhile, you, the person “in the middle,” keep fighting — unsuccessfully — to get it.

Entertaining is complicated for almost anyone. But for introverts, it can seem altogether overwhelming. Rewarding, but wholly depleting — and sure to lead to an “introvert hangover.” As a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, I have discovered things, through the years, that make entertaining much less anxiety-provoking for me. My husband’s career is referral-based, and he’s a pretty social guy, so we do a lot of entertaining.

Introverts, raise your hand if you’ve replayed a conversation in your head that didn’t go the way you’d wanted it to. And raise your hand if you’ve thought, I wish I’d said…, coming up with the perfect question, phrase, or comeback hours later. Yeah, same here. I get it. I was a reserved kid. I didn’t always say what was on my mind. Looking back, there were times when I didn’t feel heard, and even felt invisible. Sometimes, I feared I came across as hesitant or not assertive.

As an introvert, I sometimes find it difficult to navigate a world that seems specifically designed for extroverts — even though that shouldn’t be the norm. Because the extrovert ideal is often praised, it can sometimes lead to introverts “faking it” as extroverts. However, doing so works against an introvert’s natural abilities and can cause a variety of issues for them in society.

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse wherein someone uses psychological control that can damage their victim’s psyche. The abuser may use denial, manipulation, and projection to undermine the person’s power. Gaslighting aims to make the victim feel confused about their own intuition — they may feel that what their heart says is invalid. Under these circumstances, the person may feel broken and hopeless, which can further affect their psychological well-being.