Nedra Nuggets

I have had the privilege of studying people who are in a state of victimhood. I talk about this in my book Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Relationships. I share that, “Victims tend to believe they’re powerless, even in situations where they own absolute power. I once heard someone at forty years old say, “I’m never going to college, because my parents never talked to me about college.” She wasn’t in control of her ability to take charge of her life.

When something doesn’t feel quite right in a relationship, it can be easy to look at the other person and focus on what they are or aren’t doing, but sometimes it’s not about them. If we’re in relationships where we’re not getting what we want, we may need to take a step back and ask ourselves some questions. Are we showing up in a way that is fruitful for the relationship? Are our expectations of the people we’re in relationship with unrealistic or even unfair?

A few years ago, I was talking with a woman. She shared a story about being bullied by her sister at school. They were close in age, and her sister started a rumor about her and rallied a group of girls to spread it. As an adult, she told me, they still aren’t close because she hasn’t been able to move past that experience. Her bully at school was her sibling. It’s one thing to argue with a sibling over trivial things like borrowing clothes or who gets to sit in the front seat.

visting my publisher, little brown, in London Emotional intelligence gets a lot of attention because it’s visible. You can usually tell when someone is emotionally intelligent. They read the room well. They notice tension quickly. They understand emotional dynamics. They can explain why people behave the way they do. But emotional maturity is quieter and much harder. Recently I was talking about the difference between the two because I think people often assume they’re interchangeable. They aren’t.

There are some conversations we rehearse in our heads for years. We imagine finally saying the thing that has been sitting in our chest. The perfect wording. The perfect timing. The perfect emotional release. We think maybe if we explain ourselves clearly enough, honestly enough, calmly enough, something will finally shift. But lately I’ve been wondering: do we always need to say the thing? Or are there moments where the real work is deciding what happens after we already know?

self-permission, take a break to explore—GREECE 2024 When it comes to fashion, beauty, and personal style, my rules are loose. I will wear white after Labor Day. I will wear a bunch of bright colors at once. People have little appearance rules they collect over the course of their lives and then never revisit.

for me, more flower arranging this summer Kids are not the only people who benefit from summer programming. I do too. You might too. In the last few years, around this time, when school is ending and summer schedules start forming, I make a little list for myself that I jokingly call “adult summer camp.” Nothing dramatic. Nothing transformational. Just small things that make life feel a little more expansive. Last summer I decided I wanted to learn pickleball. I did.

Deciding what to do with the people in our lives who refuse to change the moon last week The best conditions for forgiveness and repair are when a person is accountable and willing to change. The worst situations are when someone refuses accountability and has no desire to do anything differently, because that’s a clear signal the behavior will continue. The real issue with a lack of accountability is that it guarantees repeated harm.

Exploring simplified systems with resources that are already available to us I used to be a person who thought that if I bought the best planner, my life would be better. I believed I just had to keep searching for the perfect planner, and everything in my life would fall into place. For years, a friend and I would have planner parties. We would buy stickers and cute pens and map out our year month by month.

Embracing the inevitable shifts in our relationships Our availability to other people shifts throughout our lives. When that happens, it is not necessarily personal. When a friend changes, we sometimes interpret it as a reflection of how they feel about us, when in reality the two may have nothing to do with each other. People are allowed to want something different. I can remember a time when my Pinterest board was full of recipes. At another point, it was nothing but fashion.