Romper

With the dog days of summer creeping in, moms and dads everywhere have one thing on their mind: back-to-school season. While the start of the school year is exciting, prepping for a new year can be stressful for parents and kiddos alike. Think frustrating fitting room sessions, trying to find a first-day fit that your kid likes and doesn't break the bank, hectic mornings trying to get everyone out the door on time, and more chaos.

The moment your algorithm figures out you’re pregnant, it starts saying goodbye to the old you. The feed that once knew you as someone looking for your next book club read, training for a 10K, or hunting down the latest skin-care launch slowly morphs into hospital bag checklists, baby carriers, and the stroller that’s supposedly going to change your life. (Seriously, why are there more stroller models than cars?

Your first baby comes with a steep learning curve that can be both exhausting and exhilarating. But by the time a second arrives, you at least know what to expect. You’ve survived the sleepless nights, mastered the swaddle, and learned which baby gadgets are actually worth buying (sorry, wet wipe warmer). And if your first postpartum experience was relatively smooth, it’s only natural to assume the next one will be, too.

As a teacher and lifelong student, I share Kathleen Kelly from You’ve Got Mail’s love of a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils. I am seduced by back-to-school marketing: bright yellow banners with buses and apples and a smiling rainbow of crayons. I’m eager to trade our days of living by the light of the sun for the tick of a clock. The beginning of school feels like the true New Year: I’m much more inspired to make resolutions as heat evaporates from the sidewalk than I do in the cold, mid-winter.

In over 20 years of working with neurodivergent children — from special education teacher to parent coach — I’ve heard a lot of bad advice (and even, before I was humbled by having my own kids, dispensed some of it). Many so-called parenting rules, from “just make a sticker chart!” to “Have you tried giving them a time out?”, just don’t apply.

Finding back-to-school clothes, especially with a tween, can feel like navigating a body image minefield. Puberty weight gain, pressure to fit in with peers, sexist dress codes—one wrong move feels like it could spell disaster. And that’s before you’ve figured out how to pay for it all. Maybe you have your own painful memories of suffering in stiff school clothes—or seeing a scowl of parental disapproval as you twirled in a dress you hoped to buy.

In my experience, one of the most under-discussed challenges of pregnancy and early motherhood is fielding other people’s suggestions. Everyone has a tip, a trick, a book to recommend, a podcast that changed their lives. It can be a lot. But when my oldest arrived almost twelve years ago, there was one piece of advice on which everyone agreed, and it landed on me like a ton of bricks: without a routine, you’re toast.

The school year hasn’t started yet, but Utah mother Heidi Costello is already logging in. Before anyone has even stepped into a classroom, she’s swiping between platforms for transportation updates, calendars, teacher messages, and digital forms.

On my first day working in the front office, I made thirty five ice packs (this averaged out to approximately one ice pack every 11 minutes, for the entire school day).

As the mom to a lively nine-year-old autistic boy, I know how following a predictable routine can make or break our day. When we move through our tasks and chores smoothly, we both feel more confident. Other days it feels like getting my son to walk 10 feet to the car will break me. I want him to put on his shoes, he wants to roll on the floor. I want to go to school, he wants to play one more game on his Pop It—as though we haven’t already done this 900 times.