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Articles by Melissa Janisin
I'll Never Diet Again, Part 3: Avocados and Ice Cream are Both My Friends - Urban Mommies
“Just throw it away! Never weigh yourself again.” This is one of the tenets of intuitive eating for several reasons, key among them being the notion that a “bad” weight reading will lead to disgust/discouragement, which can lead to why-do-I-even-try, which can (and in my case, will) lead to a binge. A food extravaganza. Food because I can and f*ck it, I think I will. So with that in mind, I haven’t weighed myself in quite some time.
Hey, Bono - You Go, Girl! - Urban Mommies
For those of you who haven’t heard: Bono, aka U2 songstress, has been named as one of several “Women of the Year” by Glamour Magazine. Read that sentence again, if you must. It is admittedly a teeny bit bewildering at first. But ladies, hear me out. It really does start to make sense if we just put our thinking caps on! Here’s a fact: Bono seems to be a pretty decent person who does a lot of good in the world. This is probably why he won the “Woman of the Year” honor over, say, me.
Even Great Kids Are A**sholes Sometimes
A friend recently showed me a bumper sticker that said, “Proud Parent of a Great Kid Who Is Sometimes an Asshole and That’s Okay.” Needless to say, I loved this and when I got home, I looked it up online. Not that I would buy it — my kids are not the type to be amused by my calling them assholes on bumper stickers. Really, I don’t even know why I looked it up, but I did, and I found many other “Proud Parent” bumper stickers in the process.
The Inner Goddess Dishes about Kids, Sex and Post-Preg Pooch
Well, hello there. I have to say, it’s thrilling to finally meet you. More to the point: it’s thrilling to finally narrate one of these stories! I’m lucky to be getting away with it, I suppose, but then, Anastasia’s been busy lately, hasn’t she? What with the kids and the marital demands – and I do mean demands – there isn’t much time to pay attention to her once-ubiquitous Inner Goddess. Not that I’ve been bothered by my newfound freedom. On the contrary, I’ve enjoyed it quite a bit.
Gwyneth Paltrow Poops
If you’ve ever been sitting around watching Iron Man 3 and found yourself thinking, why can’t I be Pepper Potts? Why can’t I have some of that chilly, willowy elegance? Why didn’t I come up with the term “conscious uncoupling” instead of just divorcing my first husband like some stupid commoner? If you’ve ever found yourself thinking these or similar things, well then, you’re not alone.
8 Inspirational Lessons From Crazy Donald Trump Quotes
Fact: Donald Trump says some very asshole-ish things. Fact: Donald Trump acts in a very asshole-ish manner. Fact: Donald Trump is quite alarmingly close to taking over our country. You want to know why? Because he says so. Because he insists. It’s totally crazy, but this is what’s happening. Fact: There’s some kind of magic there, and I personally think we moms need some of that. Actually, I think we all need some of that.
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