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Articles by Nan Silver
How to Build Authentic and Healthy Relationships in a Distracted World
In This Article What makes relationships authentic and healthy in today’s world? Why are modern relationships often strained or superficial? How do historical and psychological perspectives explain the importance of deep connections? What are the fundamental steps to building stronger, more meaningful relationships? How can we navigate digital distractions and cultural shifts to foster genuine connections?
How Dating Apps Affect Body Image & Mental Health
How do dating apps impact body image and mental health? Why does swipe culture encourage comparison and self-doubt? What are the psychological effects of constant judgment and ghosting? How can you break free from the cycle of validation-seeking? What steps can you take to rebuild confidence outside of dating apps? by Beth McDaniel It starts with excitement. You open a dating app, scroll through faces, swipe left, swipe right, and wait for the thrill of a match.
Together Forever? These 5 Books Can Help You Bring Heat Back to Your Sex Life
AARP (Getty Images; Courtesy Harper Collins Publishers; Little, Brown Spark; Penguin Random House; Row House Publishing; Simon and Schuster) Facebook Twitter LinkedIn It can be tough to keep things interesting between the sheets when you and your honey have been together for decades. As the famed sex therapist Ester Perel has noted, familiarity and comfort can, by their nature, be antithetical to excitement and passion — unless you actively work to reverse that slide toward the bedroom blahs.
Why Intense Infatuation Feels Like Love And What to Do About
Why does intense infatuation feel like love? How does emotional attachment shape our experiences? What are the signs that infatuation is not real love? How can you navigate and move beyond intense infatuation? Can intense infatuation ever turn into something real? Why Intense Infatuation Feels Like Love And What to Do About by Beth McDaniel, InnerSelf.com You meet someone, and suddenly, they’re all you can think about.
How Unwanted Attention Affects Partner Relationships
In This Article: What happens when your partner receives attention from someone else? Why does unwanted flirtation impact your feelings and relationship? Does seeing others flirt with your partner reduce your desire for them? How can couples address insecurities in their relationships? Are men and women affected differently by unwanted attention? How Unwanted Attention Affects Partner Relationships by Alex Jordan, InnerSelf.com.
From Conflict to Intimacy: Strategies for High-Conflict
Create safety by encouraging vulnerability and understanding rather than defensiveness and aggression. Cultivate compassion and respond to your partner’s emotional pain rather than reacting to their anger. Prioritize respectful communication and emotional attunement to break criticism and defensiveness. Take responsibility for your role in the conflict and engage in self-reflection to foster personal growth. Conflict is an inherent part of any relationship, especially an intimate relationship.
Why Family Estrangement is on the Rise - Lessons from King Lear
Losing a connection to your family, intentionally or not, is tragic. catscandotcom/E+ via Getty Images What does it mean to cut ties with family today? Insights into family estrangement through King Lear. How does King Lear relate to modern family conflicts? Are family relationships truly unbreakable? Exploring the ethics and emotional weight of family estrangement. Why Family Estrangement is on the Rise – Lessons from King Lear by Jeanette Tran, Drake University Is blood thicker than water?
How Financial Hardship Leads to Loneliness and What to Do
Nubelson Fernandes/Pexels How does financial hardship drive loneliness? What are the health risks associated with persistent loneliness? What is the impact of loneliness on social anxiety and depression? How can society tackle the rising loneliness crisis? What are low-cost ways to stay connected while facing financial pressure? How Financial Hardship Leads to Loneliness and What to Do by Michelle H Lim, University of Sydney.
Why Age-Gap Relationships Between Millennial Women and Gen Z Men Are on the Rise
A still from the film ‘The Idea of You’ which centers on the story of a relationship between an older woman and younger man. (Prime Video) In This Article: What is driving the rise in age-gap relationships between Millennial women and Gen Z men? How do these relationships challenge societal stereotypes about older women and younger men? Why do Millennial women find Gen Z men appealing, and vice versa? What should couples in age-gap relationships consider when sharing their relationship with others?
Why Love IS More Than Just a Feeling
Westend61/Westend61 via Getty Images What is love according to philosophers? How does neuroscience explain feelings of love? Why do Plato and Aristotle view love as more than a feeling? What is "standing in love" according to Erich Fromm? How can love be practiced and improved? Why Love IS More Than Just a Feeling by Edith Gwendolyn Nally, University of Missouri-Kansas City. Love is confusing. People in the U.S. Google the word “love” about 1.2 million times a month.
Dating Apps Success: Tips for Finding Love
Common Pitfalls: What are the common pitfalls to avoid when using dating apps? Effective Strategies: How can you increase your chances of success on dating apps? Authenticity: Why is being authentic important in online dating? Communication Tips: What communication strategies can help in online dating? Staying Persistent: Why is persistence key in the online dating world? by Alisa Minina Jeunemaître, EM Lyon Business School, et al. Dating can come with new and sometimes frustrating challenges.
Overcoming the Emotional Rollercoaster of Digital Dating
MeentoJpeg/Moment/via Getty Images Buzzwords describing the digital dating scene are all over social media. Have you been ghosted? Is someone orbiting you? Are you being breadcrumbed? While these dating patterns may not be new, the words to describe them continue to evolve. As a psychotherapist, I see firsthand the impact these experiences can have on mental health.
Why Losing A Friend Feels Like Heartbreak
wavebreakmedia/ Shutterstock If you’ve ever gone through a friendship breakup you aren’t alone – one study from the US found 86% of teenagers had experienced one. Though we tend to think of bad breakups as the end of romantic relationships, losing a friend – especially one who has been close to you – can be just as hard. In a recent session of a personal development group I run, several participants in their 20s and 30s got talking about being dumped by a friend.
How Your Childhood Affects Your Love Life: The Role of Attachment Theory
Thinking through your own attachment history and expectations of relationships may be a great opportunity for self-reflection, but it is important to remember that attachment is only one aspect of a relationship.
How to Forge Deeper Relationships in a Superficial World
Navigating life can be likened to moving through a complex maze of decisions and challenges that test our resilience and adaptability. This analogy extends to our relationships, and our journey becomes significantly influenced by those who understand us deeply. Having a companion who knows your inner thoughts, fears, and aspirations can transform this challenge into a shared adventure.
The Language of Love: How Different Terms Influence Our Romantic Lives
Johner Images/Johner Images Royalty-Free via Getty Images What is love? Could those feelings you label as love be something else? What about infatuation? Obsession? A passing fancy? Being smitten? Enthrallment? Beguilement? Lust? A crush? A squish? Platonic admiration? Why do people categorize some attachments as romantic love but not others? Suppose Holly meets someone on vacation. They quickly become romantically and sexually intimate and seem deeply compatible.
Shattering Myths: Feminists Report More Loving and Satisfying Sex
Contrary to toxic myths and cliché, feminist women are enjoying pleasurable sex lives. (Shutterstock) You might’ve heard the stereotype that feminists are just angry women who need to find a man who can satisfy them sexually. It is an old trope that has been with us since at least the 1970s. Unfortunately, just when we think we may have moved on from toxic myths like these, rhetoric reminds us they are still very much around. United States Sen.
Discover the Key to Attraction in the Digital Age
In today's ever-changing online dating scene, crafting an engaging profile has become more than just showcasing good looks or clever quips. A groundbreaking study from Washington University in St. Louis, led by the insightful Isabella D'Ottone, has unearthed a deeper factor that's key to attracting potential partners: a real sense of purpose in life.
Beyond Dominance: Teaching Men the Power of Love
(Shutterstock) How will young men learn to love when many messages seem to be either focused on what is wrong with them — or how they can dominate? Many masculinity critics speak of the dangers of traditional gender ideologies, rape culture or toxic ways of being male.
Trust, Honesty, and Vulnerability: The Surprising Benefits of Sharing Secrets
We often hesitate to spill the beans on the darker aspects of our lives, fearing judgment and scorn from others. But what if I told you that our fears might be vastly overblown? When we muster the courage to reveal our deepest secrets, the reactions of those we confide in tend to surprise us in the best way possible. We've all been there, wrestling with the decision to share something negative about ourselves. It could be a past mistake, an embarrassing moment, or even a personal struggle.
Finding Balance Amidst Holiday Pressures
Ah, the holiday season is when our hearts brim with anticipation, and our spirits soar with expectations. Yet, beneath the surface of joyous festivities, a subtle undercurrent of pressure flows, threatening to engulf us in the tides of stress, burnout, and emotional depletion. We must be reminded of a fundamental truth - the importance of managing these expectations carefully and embracing the stark contrast between the idyllic holiday fantasies and the raw authenticity of real life.
The Deep Roots of Gift-Giving: An Anthropological Exploration
Gifts are usually given reciprocally. Svetlana_nsk/iStock via Getty Images Plus Have you planned out your holiday gift giving yet? If you’re anything like me, you might be waiting until the last minute. But whether every single present is already wrapped and ready, or you’ll hit the shops on Christmas Eve, giving gifts is a curious but central part of being human.
Master the Art of Listening: Understanding Empathy as a Key Skill
pio3/Shutterstock Being a good listener means having empathy. But empathy is one of the most misunderstood listening skills. Empathy is what we feel when we are trying to understand the world from the perspective of another person. One of the common misconceptions about empathy is that you need to have lived through what the other person has experienced to understand them. Simply having the same experiences as another person is not enough to understand them.
Bridging the Orgasm Gap: The Realities of Female Pleasure in Intimacy
Sex isn’t just about penetration. Kaspars Grinvalds/Shutterstock Imagine a steamy sex scene involving a woman and a man from your favourite television show or movie. It’s likely that both parties orgasm. But this doesn’t reflect reality. Because during heterosexual sexual encounters, women have far fewer orgasms than men. This is called the orgasm gap. And it has been documented in the scientific literature for more than 20 years.
Is Traditional Heterosexual Romance Sexist? Exploring Women's Preferences & Attitudes
Shutterstock Despite progress towards greater gender equality, many people remain stubbornly attached to old-fashioned gender roles in romantic relationships between women and men. Conventions around heterosexual romance dictate that men should approach women to initiate romantic interactions, ask women out on dates, pay on dates, make marriage proposals, and that women should take their husband’s surname after marriage.
The Power of Workplace Friendships: Should You Befriend Your Co-workers?
Workplaces function better when colleagues have good relationships with one another. (Shutterstock) In my teens and twenties, I didn’t think much about how important it was to like the people I worked with. At the time, I was working as a waiter at a Toronto diner and being friends with my colleagues was part of the experience. But once I became a university professor and an executive educator, I realized the importance of workplace relationships.
The Power of Mind-Reading in Collaboration: How to Pick the Right Partner
We’ve all been there… Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock Have you ever tried to build IKEA furniture with your partner only for it to go horribly wrong? How about planning a wedding or other big party and realising you have wildly different visions of the event? In my research, I investigate what it takes to successfully work together as a pair.
Bridging Generations for Mental Well-being: The Power of Intergenerational Connections
Programs that bring young and old together help foster meaningful relationships across generational divides. (Shutterstock) “You old bag!” To many, this phrase might spark confusion or concern. But, for Herb, a long-term care resident of Saskatoon’s Sherbrooke Community Centre, it is his favourite phrase for teasing friends.
The Power of Words: Transform Disagreements with Conversational Receptiveness
Showing you’re listening is a critical part of fraught discussions. Thomas Barwick/DigitalVision via Getty Images Your 18-year-old daughter announces she’s in love, dropping out of college and moving to Argentina. Your yoga-teaching brother refuses to get vaccinated for COVID-19 and is confident that fresh air is the best medicine. Your boss is hiring another white man for a leadership team already made up entirely of white men.
Beyond Consent: Rethinking Approaches to Preventing Sexual Violence
Consent is too low a standard for promoting ethical sex — even if it may be the best available legal standard. (Shutterstock) In early May 2023, a New York jury found Donald Trump liable for sexually abusing the writer E. Jean Carroll in 1996. The jury did not find him liable for allegedly raping her. In the wake of this high-profile case, and the many others of the #MeToo movement, what should we be doing to prevent sexual violence and promote equitable sex?
Why Do People Choose a Shared Experience over a Better Experience?
Would you decline a free upgrade to first class in order to sit next to a companion in coach? Image Source/DigitalVision Collection/Getty Images People will often sacrifice a better experience and opt for one that’s less enjoyable if it means they can do it alongside a loved one – whether that’s a romantic partner, close friend or relative. That’s the main finding of our research published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology in April 2023.
Unveiling the Origins of Kissing: Ancient Mesopotamia Predates Previous Records
Kissing may seem natural, but it remains unclear whether it’s a universal human act, or a cultural one. PeopleImages.com - Yuri A / Shutterstock Lip kissing is an act that’s so natural and common in many present-day societies it is easily taken for granted. But it’s not actually clear whether people have always been kissing, or whether its origins lie in the relatively recent past. It turns out that the history and causes for kissing are more complex than anticipated.
Friendships Make Up for a Bad Start in Life
Two juvenile baboons passively share information about a food source when one sniffs the other’s muzzle while feeding. Susan C. Alberts Childhoods can predict a great deal about how adult lives might play out. For instance, research has shown that people whose childhoods involve poverty, abuse and neglect have poorer health and shorter lives than those who have happy, stable childhoods. Is there a way to overcome a bad start?
Friendships Make Up for a Bad Start in Life
Two juvenile baboons passively share information about a food source when one sniffs the other’s muzzle while feeding. Susan C. Alberts Childhoods can predict a great deal about how adult lives might play out. For instance, research has shown that people whose childhoods involve poverty, abuse and neglect have poorer health and shorter lives than those who have happy, stable childhoods. Is there a way to overcome a bad start?
3 Lessons on Friendship from Aristotle: Insights for Modern Relationships
Aristotle (center), wearing a blue robe, seen in a discourse with Plato in a 16th century fresco, ‘The School of Athens’ by Raphael. Pascal Deloche/Stone via Getty Images While most love songs are inspired by the joys and heartaches of romantic relationships, love between friends can be just as intense and complicated. Many people struggle to make and maintain friendships, and a falling-out with a close friend can be as painful as a breakup with a partner.
Is Loneliness as Damaging to Your Health as Smoking 15 Cigarettes A Day?
Image by PublicDomainPictures Vivek Murthy, the US surgeon general, recently warned that “being socially disconnected” has a similar effect on mortality as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. This statement was widely reported in the media, including in the Washington Post, the Times and the Daily Mail. But where does this “15 cigarettes a day” figure come from? Dr Murthy is referring to a study published in 2010 that explored social relationships and mortality rates.
Is Loneliness as Damaging to Your Health as Smoking 15 Cigarettes A Day?
Image by PublicDomainPictures Vivek Murthy, the US surgeon general, recently warned that “being socially disconnected” has a similar effect on mortality as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. This statement was widely reported in the media, including in the Washington Post, the Times and the Daily Mail. But where does this “15 cigarettes a day” figure come from? Dr Murthy is referring to a study published in 2010 that explored social relationships and mortality rates.
Friendships between Men Are More than Just Beers and Banter
Matheus Ferrero/Unsplash Male friendships are often presented in the media and popular culture as relatively superficial, competitive and lacking in emotional depth. With this in mind, it’s not entirely surprising that some people seem to think men have a problem with friendships. While women may be especially quick to draw this conclusion, the idea exists in society as a whole. Men, we are led to believe, either have low quality friendships, or not enough of them.
Friendships between Men Are More than Just Beers and Banter
Matheus Ferrero/Unsplash Male friendships are often presented in the media and popular culture as relatively superficial, competitive and lacking in emotional depth. With this in mind, it’s not entirely surprising that some people seem to think men have a problem with friendships. While women may be especially quick to draw this conclusion, the idea exists in society as a whole. Men, we are led to believe, either have low quality friendships, or not enough of them.
Is There a Growing Tiredness of Life?
SasaStock/Shutterstock Molly was 88 years old and in good health. She had outlived two husbands, her siblings, most of her friends and her only son. “I don’t have any meaningful relationships left, dear,” she told me. “They’ve all died. And you know what? Underneath it all, I want to leave this world too.” Leaning a little closer, as though she was telling me a secret, she continued: I’ve interviewed many older people for research.
Why Loneliness Is Both an Individual Thing and a Result of Cities
Shutterstock If you’re feeling lonely, you’re not alone. Loneliness is an increasingly common experience, and it can have severe consequences. People who feel lonely are at higher risk of serious health issues, including heart disease, immune deficiency and depression. Traditionally, loneliness has been viewed as an individual problem requiring individual solutions, such as psychological therapy or medication. Yet loneliness is caused by feeling disconnected from society.
Soft Startups: Communication Skill
When bringing up a problem to your partner, the first three minutes are crucial. Conversations that start with blame or negativity are likely to end poorly. A soft startup sets a positive tone and helps resolve conflict. By starting a conversation calmly and respectfully, you and your partner are more likely to focus on the problem, rather than who’s to blame.
Domestic Violence: Calls For Help Have Increased - But The Answers Haven't Gotten Any Easier
Two women in late February at a Paterson, N.J. shelter for women who have suffered domestic violence.
Your Top 3 Ideal Qualities In A Partner Aren’t So Unique
The qualities people list as ideal in potential partners don’t really reflect personal preferences so much as they are just generally positive qualities, according to new research. “We wanted to see whether those top three attributes really mattered for the person who listed them. As it turns out, they didn’t.” Perhaps our ideal partner is funny, attractive, and inquisitive. Or maybe they’re down-to-earth, intelligent, and thoughtful.
Love, Lust And Digital Dating: Men On The Bumble Dating App Aren't Ready For The Queen Bee
The Bumble dating app puts women in the driver’s seat when it comes to dating. But are men ready for that? Wiktor Karkocha/Unsplash When love, lust and all things in between come calling, dating apps appear to be the only way to meet new people and experience romance in 2019. They’re not of course, but social media and popular culture inundate us with messages about the importance of these seemingly easy and effective approaches to digital dating.
10 Things Everyone Needs to Know About Their Partner
Couples who have details love maps—my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life—are far better prepared to cope with stressful events and conflict. When couples are already in the habit of keeping up to date and are intently aware of what each other is feeling and thinking, they aren't thrown off course.
Free Marriage Counseling: How to Do it Yourself | The Art of Manliness
When marriages start going sour, couples are often urged to go see a therapist or to attend a workshop or seminar to help smooth out their difficulties. But these options are often quite expensive and outside a couple’s budget. If there’s already tension in your marriage, it’s probably not a wise idea to add financial stress to the problem by ponying up $100 an hour for professional counseling. And a lot of men aren’t keen on talking about their feelings to a stranger or a room full of strangers.
5 Excellent Relationship Advice Books
Working on your relationship? Understand the science behind finding and keeping a mate. Check out these 5 excellent relationship advice books. 1. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman & Nan Silver “John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years.
Free Marriage Counseling: How to Do it Yourself
When marriages start going sour, couples are often urged to go see a therapist or to attend a workshop or seminar to help smooth out their difficulties. But these options are often quite expensive and outside a couple’s budget. If there’s already tension in your marriage, it’s probably not a wise idea to add financial stress to the problem by ponying up $100 an hour for professional counseling. And a lot of men aren’t keen on talking about their feelings to a stranger or a room full of strangers.
Free Marriage Counseling: How to Do it Yourself
When marriages start going sour, couples are often urged to go see a therapist or to attend a workshop or seminar to help smooth out their difficulties. But these options are often quite expensive and outside a couple’s budget. If there’s already tension in your marriage, it’s probably not a wise idea to add financial stress to the problem by ponying up $100 an hour for professional counseling. And a lot of men aren’t keen on talking about their feelings to a stranger or a room full of strangers.
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