I might not have graduated from a top journalism school but I've been doing this writing thing full-time since 2009. Currently, I'm an Editor at Death + Taxes Magazine. I've written for Vice, Interview, MTV, Blackbook, Funny Or Die, and The Awl. I've done copyediting for Comedy Central, written for awards shows and college commencement speeches, and various other outlets. Oh dear god. These self-written bios read like bad dating profiles.