I do Pardon My Take podcast w/ @barstoolbigcat & Macrodosing @TheDozenTrivia. Banned from Tortoise Forum. organ donor. Played the freebird solo once.
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Yesterday Max Dolente’s living breathing vision-board Jason Kelce took to Twitter to offer a opinion about Secretariat- the greatest athelete of all time. And people are mad. Jason made the point that Secretariats heart was allegedly 3 times bigger than normal (vaxxed?) and steroids were a pretty common thing in horse racing in the 1970s when men were still allowed to have fun.
Warning: if you dont think you can handle big boy conversations and world cup predictions please exit internet explorer immediately. This is a blog for grown ups who can handle the written equivilant of taking a shot of drano so if your going to complain there's the door. No one will miss you. PFT Commenter here live on the ground in beautful, scandal-free Qatar at the World Cup-and as a fùtbol guy here is your 2022 World Cup Preview brought to you by Stella Blue Coffee.
Welcome back to the Monday Morning Bowel Movement- THE MMBM. This year due to constipated schedules the MMBM will be appearing on Tuesdays which will allow me to include coverage of MNF and stuff like RG3 beating a bird in a footrace. There are all new segments to debut, things to rank, and takes to crank. Word of warning your probably not mentally capable of reading and absorbing these takes so if its all the same to you please leave.
Welcome back to the Monday Morning Bowel Movement- THE MMBM. This year due to constipated schedules the MMBM will be appearing on Tuesdays which will allow me to include coverage of MNF and stuff like RG3 beating a bird in a footrace. There are all new segments to debut, things to rank, and takes to crank. Word of warning your probably not mentally capable of reading and absorbing these takes so if its all the same to you please leave.
,Welcome back to the Monday Morning Bowel Movement- THE MMBM. This year due to constipated schedules the MMBM will be appearing on Tuesdays which will allow me to include coverage of MNF and stuff like RG3 beating a bird in a footrace. There are all new segments to debut, things to rank, and takes to crank. Word of warning your probably not mentally capable of reading and absorbing these takes so if its all the same to you please leave.
Welcome back to the Monday Morning Bowel Movement- THE MMBM. This year due to constipated schedules the MMBM will be appearing on Tuesdays which will allow me to include coverage of MNF and stuff like RG3 beating a bird in a footrace. There are all new segments to debut, things to rank, and takes to crank. Word of warning your probably not mentally capable of reading and absorbing these takes so if its all the same to you please leave.
Arian Foster and yours's truly of the Macrodosing Podcast judged Barstool Sports personalities on science projects they created for their first ever science fair. Presented by C4 Smart Energy.
Besides other countries, there are few things less American than fantasy baseball. It has become arguably more popular than actual baseball, with players in almost every state (you will never convince me that anyone in Oregon has the time, interest, or internet service required to play), and the advent of the iphone application.
(Orginaly published March 2018) Sister Jean is no Saint. There I said it. If your too sensitive to hear real truths maybe you'd be more comfortable laying in a isolation therapy chamber filled with baby oil watching lambchop reruns, but this is big boy internet and we're here to have a real dicussion. The big story of the weekend was Sister Jean up at Loyola Chicago as she led her Ramblers to the Final Four verse Michigan in a matchup of Catholics vs. Probably Also Catholics.
When your on a long road trip your mind wanders. When your on a long drive through Oklahoma your mind runs away from home and might never come back. During one particular hour long stretch on I-40, myself, Billy Football, Snapchat Steve, and Bubba decided to kill time conducting a draft of animals at various football positions. A couple notes: 1. Various types of the same animal are allowed.
QB Australian Shepherd The smartest dog there is for my money. Coach on the field. Elite elusiveness , tremendous explosiveness, plus hyper intelligence to make pre-snap adjustments while also retaining the abilty to focus on big picture. Patrick Mahomes with Max Scherzers eyes FB English Bulldog Fresno Bee. Getty Images. The American Bulldog is slightly stronger but the british bulldog has a much lower center of gravity and low dog wins.
Big news. Huge. Its finally here. Barstool Sports' First ever audiobook Goodell Vs. Obama: The Battle For The Future Of The NFL is now available for download I gotta be honest when we said we would put the audiobook up for sale after the hard copys sold out we did not anticipate you guy's buying out all the paperbacks in two minutes on black Friday. The Audio-Book is live NOW on audible.
Big news. Huge. Outside of Pardon My Take, if you were to ask me what the most important moment of my career has been it was probably self-publishing this ebook back in 2014. It gave me the confidence to know that as weird as my brain can be at times, that there are people out there that can identify with it. This book litraly paid my rent when SB Nation woudnt give me enough money to afford health care and groceries, and more importantly it made me believe in myself a little bit.
Im glad were finally having this long overdue conversation. First of all hats off to this take. Big “there I said it” vibes. You know what they say- opinions are like assholes- theyre delicious. The imaginary conversation going back and forth in his own tweet lets you know hes already considered your arguments before you even make them and hes already won. Yes, no, no, yes, yes, yes, no like playing “who would you screw” with a Pardon My Take poster.
Warning- Post contains spoilers Wether it's Hard Knocks: Cincinatti Bengals or thr memes from the show True Detective, its no secret that I like to enjoy the occaisional HBO whoddunnit television program, and Mare of Easttown is no different.
I’m writing this under my own byline and to be honest it’s way overdue- but in a way Deadspin did me a favor by publishing my name so I’m free to comment in different ways separately from the PFT Commenter character. It’s been a pretty long-standing theme for me to not engage in serious discussion online about well, anything as PFT. I’ve steered away because whether or not I’m kidding about something can get lost in the satirical nature of the PFT Commenter character.
The game of cat and mouse between us and NFL sercuty continues, and this year we decided to step things up a notch. In the interest of protecting our first amendment freedom of the press which Roger Goodell HATES, Big Cat and I enlisted the help of proffessional stage and screen makeup artists and went full Mrs. Doubtfire/ Benjamin Button and transformed ourselves into Hymen Roth and Donna Gruden.
Last week I went to the University of Houston to tryout for the XFL. With limted experience as a high school kicker and 10 years of rugby, I strolled into Dana Holgersons home turf, strapped on my single bar face-mask, and locked in. Under the watchfull eye of Head Coach Pep Hamilton and numerous player personnel executives I was given 6 kicks to prove myself. Here is the result of my tryout.
For as long as I can remember, aka 2 months, I've been training to become a professonal football player in the XFL. I have no reached the point were I truly believe that I have a chance to make the DC Defenders as a placekicker. I enlisted the help of coach Jeff Fisher and HOFer Morten Andersen to help guide me with a personalized 1-on-1 version of his Morten Andersen Boot Camps. This video chronicles my journey from lowly podcaster to honerable kicker.
This year we invented a stat called the Fullback Assist desinged to give glory to those who dont seek it- the noble fullback. Fullbacks are the coal that powers the engines of America- the lean protein that allows for gains whilst also keeping your mane and coat shiny with natural oils.
This was the biggest "uhhh ya think" perhaps in the history of the world with the possible exception of how the guy who gained worldwide notoriety for losing 70% of his body weight by deciding to walk instead of drive his car to a fast food restaurant was not prepared to handle sudden fame.
Leroy was a very active dog last night depsite his advanced age and double cataract situation. He dipped his paws into the hot stove league rumor mill for the first time, braking stories that may very well end up being true about a potental trade of Carlos Correa and Luis Castillo. In fact, major MLB reporters have confirmed many aspects of the report's and now were just waiting for the news to come true.
Earlier today, in news that made me want to gently touch a exposed wire on a christmas tree while shotgunning a mountain dew, the Jacksonville Jaguars anounced that Gardner Minshew will be their starting quaterback for the rest of the NFL season. My first reaction, after wondering if I had enough schlitz to get waterboarded with malt liquor by my cousin who drives a motorcycle, was elation.
I get alot of folks who ask me what my writing process is like. Some authors watch bullfights and drink strictnine, some folks go live in the woods and have weird poops for two years to get inspiration. In this segment, I’m going to take the day’s best internet comment and FJM it to show you just where they went wrong and how I would tweak there takes to improve them. Today we’re looking at a comment on a Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Column.
Fam who did this lmao "Every morning theres' a Cleveland brown to beat me with my helmet swinging into my head" -Sugar Ray 1999 (mason rudolph remix)ps congrat's to our guy Duck for gettting the st...
Tonight marks the long awaited return of NFL football to Mexico City- a city known for its vibrant culture, soccer, and lack of NFL football. The Estadio Azteca is above 7,200 feet above sea level making it so high up that even a Denver resdent like John Elway would pass out within 20 minutes if he were there partially due to a lack of oxygen, combined with hyperventilating as he experienced a overwhelming urge to draft it to play quarterback.
Earlier this week the Atheletic, a website that makes you pay money for content like a bunch of communists, broke a story that threatens to damage the once pristine image of Major League Baseball. In fact if the allegatons are true it would be the biggest scandal to affect the sport in almost a month.
Asked and Answered: Last week we saw a huge sabermetrics breakthrough as a reddit user analyzed James Hardens preformences in cities that have the best strip clubs, and determined that there was a observable statistical decline. It led me to wonder on Pardon My Take how else we could apply this type of data analysis for NFL players, and more specifically- if theres a statistical correlation between the NFL cities with the largest megachurches and Kirk Cousins road performences.
We have our preliminary watchlist for the Lowman Trophy Award, presented annually by PMT to the nations top college fullback. The Lowman Trophy committee is made up of each member of Pardon My Take, Lorenzo Neal, John Kuhn, Mike Alstott, Danny Vitale, Anthony Sherman, Aaron Ripkowski, Tom Fornelli/Hank, Jacob Hester, Vontae Leach, and others. Quite a squad weve assembled. Some highlights from the list: Ben Mason is back depsite playing a majority of his snaps at DT.
By PFT Commenter As part of our recurring Mad Dog 2020 series to determine which canidate I would most like to drink a Mad Dog with, Tom from Buffalo stopped by the office earlier this week to catchup after our most recent talk from Miami about the state of the Bills, what would happen if a canidate decided to run under a third party, and his electric cars that may or may not exist.
OMBUDSMAN BLOG TRIGGER WARNING: This blog is written by my brother's dead brother, also named Eric about his opinions on the demise of Deadspin. If you prefer to read more coverage of dancing on Deadspin's grave please consult anywhere else on this website.
A plea for civility: Chicago Bears fans were way out of line to boo Matt Nagy on Sunday. Like him or not you need to repsect the position he has as Leader of your football team. Whatever happen to decency and decorum in this country? In my opinion, the people who are booing are a bigger problem then all the stuff they are booing about. How about a round of applause for how he made th fundamentalist leader of our opponet self-destruct, as Philip Rivers threw yet another bad interception.
By PFT Commenter Hard Factor boys are up in New York at HQ this week and were trying something competeley new, never-before-seen in the history of tv or god. Were talkin poltics- the big P and getting to the bottom of a conversation about wether Tulsi Gabbard is a Russian asset like in Red Sparrow, and if she is, whose apartment would she like to visit to discus it. Enjoy
Theres a old saying about statistics- 90% of them are made up by columnists trying to prove there point about why stuff they dont understand is bad. And in this case its mostly true. As we all learned from Jon Gruden, the only numbers a football guy should be concern with is counting backwards by threes in case your being evaluated for a concussion by a doctor who also has a concussion and dosen't know that its supposed to be by sevens.
Nothing good has ever happened in a 5 AM meeting thats a fact. If you get called into one your either getting fired, or your not getting fired but your still awake at 5 AM which is almost worse.
Its a sad day for democracy in the NFL when Roger Goodell decides he has the power to have a player extradited from England just because hes single-handedly ruined more careers then marijuana and the Cleveland Browns combined.
Daniel Jones Is Nothing More Than A Pimp My Ride Version Of Eli Manning For People Whose Favorite Activity Is Shopping At Kohl's Xzibit A: Hey I heard you like buying Van Heusen shirts and saving 15% off your first purchase when you sing up for a loyalty card so I made you a entire QB out of that process. Its called Locker Room Talk for a reason because thats where it should stay.
Oliver Luck, XFL Commissioner and noted not Roger Goodell unveiled the team names and logos for all 8 XFL Franchises today and the first thought I had when Im evaluating any logo is which one is the most intimdating to see in the event I engage in a road rage dispute with one of their supporters. So heres my poweranking: 1. St. Louis Battlehawks I dont know what a battlehawk is but I know they have the classiest and meth-addled fans in extreme football.
Im sitting here in JFK airport getting ready to board a airplane for 16 hours where I will attempt to survivorman myself inside a giant metal tube with no Wifi over the worlds biggest ocean. I've only lost my passport and boarding passes in the bathroom once in the 30 minutes I've been in the airport so I'd say my trips off to a good start.
In the least suprising news of the century, it turns out our good friend Marlins Man has a plethora of unrealstically large cats that live in his law office like a little room of hilarity, acting out storylines from if Game Of Thrones was produced entirely in your Aunts apartment. So without further ado here is a poweranking of the best Marlins Mans cats: 1. Mallomar This is intimdation personified.
Folk's Stephen A Smiths office is under attack. ESPN wants you to beleve it was a bird that crashed into that building. Well think again as I along with my good freind Prison Pete, open your eyes to the ugly truth.
Ive long said that I would like to live in a Buffalo Wild Wings if given the chance,, and this year I got my shot on day one of March Madness. Hopefuly I can pass a long some helpful tips so that if your ever caught in the Wilderness, you too can survive and advance.
On Big If True today, we dove head first into a dicussion on some of the all-time baggy T-shirt sleeve guys in the history of the NCAA tournament. Needles to say, there are so many great options to work with as you'll see below. Also, cheers to KenJac for gettting the convo going with a twitter thread, and jeers to Slam magazine who apparently stole this idea from us a year before we did it ourselves.
I have selected Liberty University in the Bud Light Busters event. Therefore I will be rooting for them to advance to the Sweet 16 so that I can win a trip to celbrate in the most approprate way for that school and its values- by going to Vegas.
May I have your attenton for a very impotant announcement. Thank you. Since we're all being open about our various alleged past incidents of ecautlating, I felt like I should realy get out in front of this one. Id like to take the opportunty to announce that I have never cummed on the following things: -A cat that I owned -With perhaps a few exceptons, any of you reading this right now.
Eric Sollenberger
VerifiedArticles by Eric Sollenberger
PFT Commenter on X: "Shoutout @FOXSports for the customized USMNT shoes for security guard mike whos nephew is on the USMNT https://t.co/GXl4KIpvDw"
We Should Dig Up Secretariat’s Dead Body and Drug Test It
Is Messi a Bust? World Cup Preview LIVE from Qatar
The Carolina Panthers Should Offer Coaches Hard Drugs In Their Interviews So They Can Tell If They're About To Hire Another Dork
It Would Never Work Between Me And Gisele
Is Russell Wilson A Serial Killer?
Woke Liberal Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Considering Signing Colin Kaepernick?
Macrodosing Hosts Barstool's First Ever Science Fair
The Seamhead Express Drafts Tonight
Sister Jean is No Saint: MY COLUMN
All-Animal Football Team Draft
The Official Positions And Jobs Different Dog Breeds Would Have On A Football Team, Coaching Staff, And Football Media
Best Of 2021: The Best College Basketball Big T-Shirt Players Of All Time
Barstool Sports' Very First Audio Book Is Now Live: Goodell vs Obama
Limited Release: For The First Time Ever, Goodell Vs. Obama- The Battle For The Future Of The NFL Is Available In Paperback
Fellas, Is It Gay To Listen To Women Talk About Sports??
This Mare Of Easttown Theory Has Reddit Thinking They Cracked The Case
29) An Overdue Note From Our New Ombudsman Eric Sollenberger (Eric Sollenberger's Other Twin Brother)
Miami Is a City That Doesn't Skip Leg Day
Big Cat & I Had A Wonderful Time At Super Bowl Media Day
XFL- My Tryout For The D.C. Defenders
I Am Seriously Trying Out Today For The XFL With The Assistance Of HOFer Morten Andersen And Jeff Fisher
Here Are The Best NFL Fullbacks Of 2019, By Fullback Assists
Bruce Arians Confirms Jameis Winston Is Blind, Should Encourage Him To Wear Ginormous Rec-Specs For Comedic Effect
The 2019 Pardon My Take Lowman Trophy Award Presentation, Given To The Nations Top College Fullback.
Did My Dog Ruin Carlos Correa's Honeymoon?
I Am Excited That Gardner Minshew Is Now The Starting QB Of The Jacksonville Jaguars
The Anatomy Of Today’s Best Internet Comment, By PFT Commenter
Mark McGrath From Sugar Ray Told Mason Rudolph He Was Getting Benched
Should The NFL Move The Redskins To Mexico?
Is Jarred Carrabis Bad For Baseball?
Kirk Cousins Suffers A Significant Statistical Decline Playing In Cities With Largest Megachurches
The Lowman Trophy Watchlist For America's Top College Fullback Is Here
Recurring Guest Tom Perez Stopped By The Office And Talked To Me About His Electric Cars, The 2020 Election, And The Buffalo Bills
An Opinion On Deadspin By Someone Who Has Written On Both Sites
Classless Sports Fans Boo Embattled Leader For Being Too Conservative
Who Will Throw Out The First Pitch In Nats World Series History
Is Tulsi Gabbard A Russian Asset?
The Washington Redskins Have Been Beaten 9 Times By The Children Of Head Coaches That Dan Snyder Has Fired
I Can No Longer Defend Dan Snyder After Learning He Made People Attend A 5:00 AM Meeting On A Monday Morning
Vontaze Burfict Holed Up In Ecuadorian Embassy In London To Avoid Extradition To The United States
The New York Giants Should Bench Daniel Jones For Cussing Out His Teammates In The Huddle
XFL Logos Ranked By How Dumb You'd Have To Be To Fight A Guy With Their Decal On Their Jeep
Gonna Head To Hong Kong, BRB
Power Ranking Marlins Man's Unsettling Large Cats
Debunking This Morning's "Bird Crash" At ESPN HQ
I Survived For A Full Day In A Buffalo Wild Wings
The Best College Basketball Big T-Shirt Players Of All Time
Liberty University
I Would Like To Take This Time To Announce That I Have Never Cummed On A Cat Either
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