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Articles by Robin Enan
How to Put the “Om” Back in Mom - Even During the Holidays
In addition to sleep, nourishing food, and exercise, we all know a healthy dose of “Zen” – or whatever your preferred term – is crucial to our well-being, especially during the craziness of the winter holidays.
Getting Over a Friendship Breakup
The most difficult breakups I’ve experienced in my life have not been romantic in nature. While my failed dating partnerships may have caused more immediate pain and emotional damage when they first ended, I have suffered longer and obsessed more over the years about the disintegration of certain friendships. My work as a therapist has assured me that I’m not alone in this, and that many people experience significant heartache when a friendship ends.
The Good News About the Hole They Left Behind
You already knew the relationship wasn’t right, and that it probably hadn’t been right for a long while. Maybe it had been wrong from day one. But even if there was a time when things were truly working, that period was very much in the rearview mirror by the time things ended. So why weren’t you able to act as soon as your intuition knew this person wasn’t meant for you? Was it because they were really that special and irreplaceable? Almost certainly not.
Rebranding the Rebound Relationship
3 Foods That Fight Memory Loss 3 Foods That Fight Memory Loss
How to Decide Whether to Say the Things Left Unsaid
When a relationship ends before you were ready, or on someone else’s terms, one of the hardest things to reconcile is the list of things you never got to say. Maybe you still have nagging questions about the other person’s feelings or perspective, or you want to try to clear up a misunderstanding, or you’ve crafted a dagger-shaped one-liner you’re dying to deliver before exiting triumphantly like a character in a movie.
To the Relationship Workhorses: It’s OK to Say ‘Enough’
You might not know it from our physical appearance, but some of us can carry an entire relationship on our shoulders for months or even years at a time. We are the friends/siblings/romantic partners who take charge of keeping the lines of communication open; monitoring every slight alteration in the other person’s mood and adjusting our behavior accordingly; and suppressing our own needs to focus exhaustive energy on what we can do for the person we care about.
Don’t Be Friends with Your Ex Unless You’re Okay Being Replaced
My friends’ romantic choices have been a mixed bag, but I have always felt excited and optimistic when I first hear they’re dating someone new. Then one of those newly coupled friends was my ex. Our relationship had “not meant to be” written all over it from the start, but it still took me months and months to acknowledge the inevitable: this wasn’t going anywhere good. Acknowledgement doesn’t always mean acceptance, though, and in my case that took many MORE months.
A Guide to New Teen Slang and Gen Z Slang Trends
Learn the meaning of Gen Z slang and the latest TikTok trends and phrases that are popular with teens today with our Gen Z slang guide. Does Gen Z have their own secret language or are you just old? It often seems like teenagers' sole mission is to reject the way their parents do things, from fashion to music to how they use the English language. Teen slang words are a constantly evolving dictionary that makes anyone above age 22 feel like they woke up in a foreign land.
Gen Z Lingo Explained: What Every Parent Needs to Know!
Learn the meaning of Gen Z slang and the latest TikTok trends and phrases that are popular with teens today with our Gen Z slang guide. Does Gen Z have their own secret language or are you just old? It often seems like teenagers' sole mission is to reject the way their parents do things, from fashion to music to how they use the English language. Teen slang words are a constantly evolving dictionary that makes anyone above age 22 feel like they woke up in a foreign land.
The Newest Teen Slang Trends of 2023
Learn the meaning of Gen Z slang and the latest TikTok trends and phrases that are popular with teens today with our Gen Z slang guide. Does Gen Z have their own secret language or are you just old? It often seems like teenagers' sole mission is to reject the way their parents do things, from fashion to music to how they use the English language. Teen slang words are a constantly evolving dictionary that makes anyone above age 22 feel like they woke up in a foreign land.
Staying in a Hard Relationship is a Valid Choice
We all want love that feels effortless. The kind of love that flows back and forth between two people smoothly and naturally. The kind of love where we don’t experience despair, anxiety, self-doubt, or uncertainty about our partner’s feelings. That kind of love absolutely exists and it’s a gift when we find it. But not every love story unfolds that way. Some relationships are hard to establish, or hard to maintain, or hard to end — some are all of the above. They may even be hard to categorize.
Are You Gaslighting Yourself in Your Relationship?
“I’m making too big a deal out of this.” “I must have said/done something wrong for them to treat me this way.” “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” If you’ve recently said some version of one of these statements, you’re either Taylor Swift (see #3, Anti-Hero), or you may be in a relationship where you’re gaslighting yourself. I know, I know, it’s a term that’s thrown around a bit too liberally these days. But it’s a very real problem in many romantic, familial and platonic relationships.
For Many Relationships, the “Break” in a Breakup Is Incomplete
It’s over…except for the times when it’s not. You’re both moving on…but also still connected. You can no longer make this partnership work…but neither of you has completely let go. If you’ve been in a relationship that has technically ended but continues to exert a powerful hold on your life, one or all of those phrases might resonate. And you aren’t alone — far from it.
The Problem With Believing We Teach Others How to Treat Us
Whether in romance, family life, friendship, or even the workplace, we all love to believe we have the power to influence how others behave toward us. This idea is deeply embedded in Western culture, from the Golden Rule of “Do unto others…,” to the principles of behavioral psychology (reward the behavior you want someone to continue, and reject or remain unresponsive to behaviors you want to squash).
The Best Relationship Experts Can’t Answer This Question
I don’t know you. I don’t know anything about the nature of your relationship or the person involved. I don’t know where things currently stand, where they’ve been, or where they’re going. But I know this: You don’t read posts like this unless you’re in a relationship you have questions about. And chances are, most of your queries can be categorized under one large umbrella question: What should I do? I’m not going to be able to answer that for you. No one is; it’s up to you.
Sometimes Love Is Real but Written in Invisible Ink
I’m a love extrovert. If I care about you, you will know it. I will tell you and show you in all the verbal and nonverbal languages I have at my disposal. For the most part, I like that I’m wired this way, and even when I don’t like it — when it leaves me feeling vulnerable and occasionally confused and rejected — it’s my fundamental nature and it’s not going to change.
It’s Better to Be the One Who Cared More
The only thing worse than falling for someone totally wrong for you is falling for someone totally wrong for you and caring a lot more than they do. I’m not talking about unrequited love, because although that is agonizing, it’s at least something you can wrap your mind around: I felt something, they didn’t. What I’m referring to is a relationship where there were real feelings on both sides, but yours were always stronger.
Moving On When Moving On Feels Impossible
By Robin Enan It gets a lot easier when you stop trying to "get over" them. Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash It's time to move on. The logical part of your brain knows it. Your friends know it (even if they haven't said it to your face). Your Spotify account knows it because you've been playing the same emo songs on repeat for months. But your heart has so far refused to let go of the person who...
The ‘Amicable Breakup’ May Be the Ultimate Cruelty
Whenever I hear the term “amicable breakup,” I think of The Rachel. For those who aren’t followers of the hit ‘90s/early 2000s sitcom Friends, The Rachel refers to the haircut sported by Jennifer Aniston’s character Rachel Green in Season 1. The style achieved global cult status, despite the fact that it looked good on almost no one except its namesake. An amicable breakup is the same way: aspired to by many, achieved by depressingly few.
Apply These Childbirth Tips to Your Next Heartbreak
I’ve had my heart broken badly three times. I’ve also given birth three times. Coincidence? Yes, absolutely, 100 percent. But what if some of the same survival tips apply to both? Stick with me here. Tip 1: Don’t Do It Alone Unfortunately, there is no outsourcing option when it comes to birthing a baby you’ve grown inside you or repairing a broken heart. At the end of the day, getting through it is up to you and you only.
Missing Them and Moving on Aren’t Mutually Exclusive
A guy I thought was cute and charming in college was part of an improv comedy group on campus, and I would often go to shows and admire him from the audience. That’s as far as it ever went with the two of us, but watching all that improv taught me some key lessons about real-life love and relationships.
Ask Yourself This Before You Offer Them Another Chance
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me so many times I stop counting? Then you’re one of the people I’m writing about here. I’d venture to guess we all have those individuals in our lives: the friends, family members, or romantic partners who intentionally or unintentionally let us down time after time, and somehow we just keep allowing it to happen and hoping against the odds that things will turn around.
Watch Out for the Ones Who Are Often Nice but Rarely Kind
Positive attention feels nice. Being desired feels very nice. Experiencing those things from someone you’re crazy about feels very, very nice. Realizing that same person is making no real effort to truly know you, commit to you, or show you love? That doesn’t feel nice at all. When it comes to matters of the heart, there is a crucial difference between someone who is merely “nice” and someone who is kind.
You May Need to Get Hurt One Last Time
When it comes to heartbreakers, there are executioners and torture artists. The executioners aren’t playing around; they shoot to kill and they make sure they don’t miss. It’s all scorched earth with them, and when it’s over you know it’s over. While that is a brutal way for a relationship to end, it gives you the opportunity of a fresh start when you finally stop sobbing and get up off the bathroom floor. But beware the torture artists.
You’re Finally Over Them. Now What?
It took you weeks, or months, or even years. You cried, overanalyzed, raged, distracted yourself, cried some more, slept too much or too little, ate too much or too little, and slowly clawed your way back from the depths of heartbreak. You reached the final stage of grieving — acceptance — and you made your (reluctant) peace with the fact that this relationship is over and this person is no longer your person. So, why don’t you feel good yet?
Conversations With an Ex that Won’t Set Back Your Progress
“I heard that song today that always makes me think of you. Do you ever hear certain music and miss me?” I wrote those words recently to a guy who broke my heart. And before you start yelling at me like the girl who’s about to walk alone into a dark basement in a horror movie — No, you idiot, don’t go there!— let me clarify that he didn’t receive the message. Or any of the many questions, half-formed thoughts, and occasional curse words I’ve aimed his way since he exited my life.
Your Best Friend Has Something to Say About Your Ex
The relief on the other end of the phone was palpable. My best friend could sense — because she’d been down this road with me before — that my heartbreak over my ex was finally starting to heal. She could feel it like a shift in the wind. Of course she was relieved for me that the worst of the pain was over, but she was equally relieved that meant this guy was almost definitely not coming back into the picture. Because she knew he was wrong for me from the start.
The Top-10 List of Lists to Make After a Breakup
In my experience, when your love life has just come crashing down around you, it helps to keep your hands busy. Options include beating your fists against sturdy, inanimate objects; tearing photos of your ex into microscopic shreds; and shoving fistfuls of Cheetos into your mouth.
Forgive Yourself, or Forget About Moving On
Let’s start with a short recap of your life lately: Someone you cared for deeply broke your heart. You have emerged from the initial shock and numbness of Denial; you’ve exhausted your Anger (at them, at a higher power, at life in general); you’ve given up desperately Bargaining; and you’ve ugly-cried out most of your Depression. Time to enjoy the comparative calm of Acceptance, right? Not so fast.
Stop Waiting for Them to Live Up to Their Potential
A wonderful part of love is being able to see someone not only for who they are now, but also who they could become. We hear them talk about the things they hope to accomplish, we see them make plans and set goals, and we join them in their excitement and stand by ready to be their biggest cheerleader. A terrible part of love is realizing you’ve fallen for someone who is never going to actually do any of those things.
The Necessity of Wallowing
When I tell people that the majority of my training as a therapist has been spent working with middle schoolers, they almost universally cringe. The mere mention of “middle school” brings most of us back to a place of physical, social, and emotional insecurity, and a time when the smallest hurt or desire could feel like a matter of life or death.
What Happens When We Put Someone on a Pedestal
A couple of months ago I got a long and unexpected email from a guy I knew in college. We had a class together early on and had shared a very platonic dinner at a Thai restaurant once before drifting in our own separate directions. I was in a long-distance relationship throughout college — a fact I made clear immediately, just to avoid any confusion — and for me, this classmate’s role in my life can be summed up in a single sentence (see above).
The Worst Day of a Breakup Is Not What You Think
A few weeks before the 2020 pandemic lockdown, I broke my ankle in my backyard. I remember it with perfect clarity: a flash of pain followed by a period of surprisingly little discomfort as my body flooded with adrenaline and my brain assessed the damage. Just as I started to entertain the optimistic idea that “maybe it’s not too bad,” WHAM! Here was the real pain, the unrelenting pain, the pain that made me feel like I might throw up or pass out.
Why the Ones Who Give You the Least Can Hurt You the Most
There’s a quote I adore by Zadie Smith that states, “It hurts just as much as it is worth.” I used to believe it described a reliable truth about love and loss: the pain you experience at the end of a relationship is a valid signifier of how much that relationship gave you when it was at its best. Unfortunately, I was wrong. The grief we experience when a formerly fulfilling relationship reaches its conclusion is deep and warranted.
It’s Not Your Job to Break Down Their Walls
Like snowflakes, romantic relationships are endlessly unique from beginning to end. They succeed or fail for countless reasons, but one of the most common harbingers of doom is the presence of walls. A wall can create a variety of barriers to long-term happiness.
The Top-10 List of Lists to Make After a Breakup
By Robin Enan This activity pairs well with wine, ice cream, and sad songs. Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash In my experience, when your love life has just come crashing down around you, it helps to keep your hands busy. Options include beating your fists against sturdy, inanimate objects; tearing photos of your ex into microscopic shreds; and shoving fistfuls of Cheetos into your mouth.
How Romantic ‘Urge Surfing’ Can Save Your Dignity
We are never less rational or less safe from our own bad decisions than when we first fall in love. That rush of dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin that floods our brains during the initial period of romantic attraction is so overpowering that we find ourselves doing — or at least contemplating — things we would never consider when we’re thinking clearly.
How To Get Over the End of Your No-Labels Relationship
There’s a seductive appeal to the no-labels relationship. You enter into it believing you can write the playbook, defy conventionality, have fun, keep the stakes low, and — most crucially — protect your heart in a way you can’t once things become “official.” Maybe the two of you agree not to label things, or maybe that’s just the way it takes shape without any explicit acknowledgement.
10 Things To Tell Your Broken Heart
You’re deep in it right now — that unique and terrible blend of pain, disbelief, and emptiness that comes with lost love. Maybe the relationship was a long one, or maybe it was a bright flame that quickly burned out. Maybe it had a formal label and a shared home, kids, and utility bills attached. Maybe it was never clearly defined and was full of “almost’s,” “maybe’s,” and “what if’s.” Whatever it was, it was everything to you until it was gone.
Beware the Ultimate Relationship Killer
I only ever have one nightmare about my husband. It starts after something consequential has happened between us — I never know what — and in the aftermath of this unnamed incident, he has lost all feelings of love for me. He doesn’t yell, he doesn’t insult me, he doesn’t even leave or threaten to leave. He just sits there looking at me with scorn and ignoring all my attempts to understand what’s happening and to show and seek out signs of affection.
Your Romantic Attachment Style Isn’t Set in Stone
Having made it well into adulthood (let’s not get too focused on numbers), there are certain things I have accepted about myself. For instance, I am a much better dancer in my head than I am in reality. I adore my kids, but also require frequent short breaks from them. And I will simply never want to see a photo of your food on social media, no matter how beautifully it’s plated. For a long time, I would add another item to this list of irrefutable facts: I have an anxious attachment style.
You Don’t Have To Like My “Mom Selfies” — I’m Still Going To Take Them
Courtesy of Robin Enan Self-indulgent. Insecure. Thirsty. If you had asked the pre-mom me what I thought of selfies, those would have been my top answers. Also, “I just don’t get it.” If you look at my phone today, it’s a different story. I have embraced the “mom selfie,” both privately and, increasingly, online.
My Kids Have Been Both Victims And Perpetrators, And I Have A Request
Scary Mommy and Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Nothing good comes from a document labeled “Incident Report.” Also, it was bright yellow – never a positive sign. And indeed, there was my four-year-old’s name above a written account from her camp counselor of a child who fit her exact physical description (shoot) and who wouldn’t listen to warnings about rock-throwing and ended up hitting a friend in the head at lunch.
150 Cute Nicknames for Your Baby Girl
We put so much thought and care into baby girl names, but how often do family members actually call them by their name? Instead, parents seem to have an endless stream of pet names for their little girls ready at a moment's notice. Often, we don't know what's going to come out of our mouths until we hear ourselves say it. Here are 150 of the cutest, funniest and most creative girl nicknames for your little one.
My Mom Helped Me Fight Facial Expression Sexism In High School, And I’m Grateful
Maskot/Getty The grade was an “A,” but the accompanying report card comment had the sting of a ruler slapping the back of my hand. My teacher could find no fault with the work I was submitting, but my “attitude” in class was another story, he wrote. It wasn’t talking to other students, interrupting lessons or anything even involving words; instead, it was my facial expressions, which conveyed to him a lack of respect in large part due to insufficient smiling.
My Family Has Embraced The ‘No-Occasion Celebration’––It Makes Life Better
Courtesy of Robin Enan “So, what’s the occasion?” the man asked me, making small talk as a giant inflatable obstacle course took shape in my backyard. It was a completely natural assumption that someone in the house must have a birthday or other milestone on the way, and I could have lied and made one up. Instead, I told the truth: “Ummm, February?” Courtesy of Robin Enan Welcome to our house, where we have recently embraced what I like to call random acts of celebration.
The unexpected, life-changing parenting wisdom of…Nietzsche?
Photo by Rommel Davila on Unsplash When we think of parenting gurus, a number of familiar names may come to mind: Sears, Karp, Murkoff, Ferber. I’m guessing most people’s list doesn’t include Frederich Nietzsche, the childless 19th-century German philosopher most often associated with statements such as, “God is dead.” But maybe it should. I discovered Nietzsche’s unintentional parenting wisdom relatively recently when researching the psychological theories behind existentialism.
I Was Always Tired, Until I Discovered 'Single-Tasking'
Luis Alvarez/Getty I knew I had a problem when I began using meditation as a multitasking opportunity. At the urging of friends who swear by apps like Calm and Headspace, I jumped on the meditation bandwagon during the global upheaval of 2020, hoping it would help me locate the “center” I’d lost beneath piles of laundry and dishes, constant Zoom troubleshooting requests from my kids, my own professional obligations and very vocal reminders from our cat that his food dish was empty again.
Reminder: Birthday Parties Don’t Have To Be Over-The-Top To Be Awesome
John Eder/Getty In early November, our family hit a milestone: the last of our household’s 2020 birthdays. Like the previous four understated COVID-era celebrations, this one (my son’s 8th birthday) was spent eating all the birthday person’s favorite foods, FaceTiming with grandparents, opening a few presents and actually playing with and enjoying those presents. This was the first year none of my kids had an official birthday party.
How ‘Micro-Routines’ Have Saved My Family Through The Pandemic
Scary Mommy and 10'000 Hours/Getty It’s Monday. You get up, make sure everyone eats breakfast, drop the kids off at school, and then swing by your favorite coffee shop on your way to work/yoga/the grocery store/the pile of laundry waiting back at home. Pretty standard routine. But what if one or even most of those activities becomes impossible? What if—and I’m just spit-balling here—there is a global pandemic that shuts down most of your world for months on end?
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