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Articles by Socrates Johnson
Wednesday Evening Jump October 14
Underdog Dynasty, for The American, Conference USA, Sun Belt, and Independent football fans
Wednesday, September 16, 2020 PM
Rank and File were a group formed by the brothers Chip and Tony Kinman in the early 80s in Austin after their DIY punk group, The Dils, folded. They released three albums which helped bring about the cowpunk genre. Sadly, Tony Kinman died in 2018 after a long battle with cancer.
A Wholly Stupid Conference Realignment Strategy that Will Surely Make Everyone Mad
Bored on a Monday during social distancing, something told me to redraw the current FBS conference alignments. G5 and P5 are no longer meaningful distinctions. There are now ten FBS conferences of between 10 and 12 teams. I am not a college football traditionalist, and I like staring at maps without doing all of the complicated math or GIS technical wizardry to determine whether I'm actually making the most efficient groupings or not.
Thursday Lunch Thread
On the way from Santa Fe to Antonito for a lunch.
Wednesday Afternoon Coffee Drinking Time
It is Wednesday afternoon, 1353 EST. Time for the last cup of coffee to get through the workday. I hope this works.
Early Meeting Thursday Train Waiting Time
Underdog Dynasty, for The American, Conference USA, Sun Belt, and Independent football fans
Thursday Morning Train Platform Waitin' and it's Finally Cooling Down
Slab City is out in the Mojave. It's Thursday morning, folks.
College Football Week 1 Dinner Shift
Underdog Dynasty, for The American, Conference USA, Sun Belt, and Independent football fans
WVU Sorority Girls Hang Aggressive Signs On Move-In Day, Invite Freshman Guys To Sit On Their Faces
West Virginia University sorority girls welcomed incoming freshman males and their fathers with some extremely aggro move-in day signs. These young women ought to be ashamed of themselves. Imagine being the father of a young college boy and the first thing you see when you roll into Morgantown is a sign that says “We Hope Your Son’s Pullout Game Is Strong.” I tell ya what. The only thing that would be pulling out is my son from that university. Despicable. Degrading.
(PHOTO) Arizona State Girl Goes To Halloween Party Completely Naked Because Arizona State
Why did I not go to school in Arizona? I would gladly sacrifice my literacy and risk being stabbed on campus (well, in Tempe anyway) to swim through a sea of gorgeous, adorably confused, morally void women. In Arizona, shame must be something you only learn about in books, which is why no one there has heard of it.
Bristol Motor Speedway Preps For Va. Tech-Tennessee By Ordering Half A Million Beers
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== Saturday night should be a fun one in Bristol. Virginia Tech and Tennessee fans will pack Bristol Motor Speedway for the first ever college football game played at a racetrack. 150,000 people are expected to be in attendance. To make sure everyone in the stadium is well hydrated, BMS ordered quite a bit of beer.
Woman Claims Missouri State QB Breck Ruddick Viciously Beat Her Friend’s Dog, Has Photos
======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== According to a post on Facebook, a woman’s dog was brutally beaten by Missouri State quarterback Breck Ruddick. The woman had left her dog with Ruddick to watch. It is not clear why Ruddick allegedly beat the dog. Ruddick has also been suspended from Missouri State’s game against K-State tomorrow.
Former North Dakota Phi Delt Treasurer Arrested For Allegedly Stealing Up To $50,000
You couldn’t keep your hand out of the cookie jar, could you, Chase? The University of North Dakota’s Phi Delt is caught up in a tiny embezzlement scandal after the house’s former treasurer, Chase Johnson, was accused of embezzling up to $50,000. Oh, and to make matters worse, the 23-year-old was also in charge of the student government’s $550,000 at the time of his arrest. First rule of being head of your fraternity’s money: Never get hooked on your own supply.
This Is The Most Insane Ski Run You’ll Ever See
Videos This Is The Most Insane Ski Run You’ll Ever See There you have it. Skiers are officially more hardcore than snowboarders. Show me any snowboarding video in the world that tops this level of badassery. Ya can't. Sure, some of it was staged, but none of it was faked, if that makes sense. Like, he still had to execute perfect timing even though the owner of the horse he hijacked was in on it. Feel me?
JuJu Smith-Schuster Goes Back To Take Classes At USC In Full Steelers Uniform
After a breakout rookie year for Steelers receiver JuJu Smith-Schuster, the 21-year-old is back in class…in full uniform. Smith-Schuster departed the University of Southern California after his junior year to enter the NFL Draft in 2017. He was selected by the Steelers wayyyyyy late in the 2nd round (62nd overall) and far from guaranteed quality playing time. But now he’s snagging both footballs and knowledge thanks to his momma. Showing up in class in full uniform is such a power move.
A Breakdown Of Every Time You Play Wagon Wheel
Here in America, our amazing country’s massive borders allow for an incredibly diverse fraternity system. From sea to shining sea, brothers are embracing the fraternity lifestyle in ways they see fit, and while a West Coast fraternity experience may vastly differ from a Southern one, in the long run all that matters is that we’re all just trying to get fucked up and laid, typically in that order. Where do we find common ground?
Student Wanders Around The Woods With A Shotgun For Terrible Art Project, Is Mistaken For A Dangerous Gunman
Statistically speaking, 99.87% of art is stupid. This is science. That indisputable fact is true in part because artists are profoundly stupid, and often times, ironically uncreative. That’s mostly because, different ? creative, something the vast majority of them don’t understand in their desperate attempt to put off getting a real job. Sculpting the Virgin Mary out of human feces isn’t art.
19 Photos Of Red-Blooded Americans To Kick Off Memorial Day Weekend
“The willingness of America’s veterans to sacrifice for our country has earned them our lasting gratitude.” — Jeff Miller “On what rests the hope of the republic? One country, one language, one flag!” — Alexander Henry “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.” — Nathan Hale There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured with what is right in America.
Girls Take A Million Selfies At D-Backs Game While Grown Men Make Fun Of Them
Watching a group of girls take a million selfies with multiple cell phones is so much funnier with commentary from older men who just don’t get it. And I’m right there with them. I am these men. I don’t really get it and I grew up with cell phones that take pictures. These guys grew up with landlines and no caller ID, then they had pagers — pagers! — before the cell phone era got traction. It makes for a funny generational disconnect. Selfies, though. Ugh.
White Sox Give Away White Ponchos, Inadvertently Turn Stadium Into A Klan Rally
I always find it hilarious when a large organization somehow approves an inevitably disastrous idea. It makes you wonder how, somewhere along the line, not one person raised his hand and questioned the decision. Maybe these people were too scared to question their corporate executives. Maybe they knew good and well how terrible the idea was, but they enjoy seeing the media eat their dickhead bosses alive.
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